Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you provide any financial support, you deserve to see her grades. It's that simple. If she doesn't want to share her grades, she can work her way through college. Simple!

I get this concept, I think, but really, the micromanaging of their adult children's school lives kind of bothers me. Maybe it is my experience, but I have to deal with 19 year olds in my classroom all.the.damned time harassing me for a better grade because mom and dad are going to lip out when they see the "B" or "C."

You're right, you don't have to pay for tuition if conditions you find necessary aren't met, but maybe you should step back and say, hey. It is time to let my ADULT child figure this out on her own. I think some parents do pay for college to help their kids out and don't want to see their money wasted, but really, it seems like most of them pay just so they can keep some control over their kids.

Like parents who help pay for a wedding then try to dictate every last detail. At what point do y'all just let them go?

when they start paying their own bills.

Anonymous wrote:If you provide any financial support, you deserve to see her grades. It's that simple. If she doesn't want to share her grades, she can work her way through college. Simple!

I get this concept, I think, but really, the micromanaging of their adult children's school lives kind of bothers me. Maybe it is my experience, but I have to deal with 19 year olds in my classroom all.the.damned time harassing me for a better grade because mom and dad are going to lip out when they see the "B" or "C."

You're right, you don't have to pay for tuition if conditions you find necessary aren't met, but maybe you should step back and say, hey. It is time to let my ADULT child figure this out on her own. I think some parents do pay for college to help their kids out and don't want to see their money wasted, but really, it seems like most of them pay just so they can keep some control over their kids.

Like parents who help pay for a wedding then try to dictate every last detail. At what point do y'all just let them go?

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent and I should be able to see how my child is doing in school. My dd says she is doing well but she won't let me know her exact grades and when I called the university they said they cannot release the grades to me. I get that my daughter is an adult now, but she still lives at home on break and I am still footing the bill for a lot of her necessities. Also, the school doesn't hesitate to call me about bills but they won't let me know my child's grades. This is ridiculous!

Power down your rotors, helicopter mom. Jesus, get a grip.

Some people have serious control issues. So far, the OP hasn't even definitely stated that she even pays for tuition.

The only people who seem to not see the controlling behavior are the same ones who would 1. Call the school 2 Have their adult child sign away privacy via FERPA or 3. Fly to the school to make sure the child is attending.

People that far gone will never see reason. I imagine the OP's DD is doing everything she can to try to change her on-break living arrangement.

If my mom pushed me that much to reveal my grades, I would definitely dig in and push back, esp if she wan't paying my tuition and/or I would never hear the end of it because I got a "B."

If you provide any financial support, you deserve to see her grades. It's that simple. If she doesn't want to share her grades, she can work her way through college. Simple!

Anonymous wrote:
Any parent who has to resort to threaten to not pay tuition in return for control over their offspring is not going to see much of their kid or their grandkids in the future. The relationship had to be based on trust long before college.
I moved to a different continent because I had the worst type of smothering, controlling type of parent. They see their grandchildren once a year briefly, if that.

OP, if your child can volunteer her GPA, I would leave it at that.
If she doesn't want to do even that, I would first examine what is wrong in your relationship that she can't trust you with it. Then go forward from there.

how do you know she's even in class? How far away is this? I'd drive/fly down there and see what the heck is going on.

Any parent who has to resort to threaten to not pay tuition in return for control over their offspring is not going to see much of their kid or their grandkids in the future. The relationship had to be based on trust long before college.
I moved to a different continent because I had the worst type of smothering, controlling type of parent. They see their grandchildren once a year briefly, if that.

OP, if your child can volunteer her GPA, I would leave it at that.
If she doesn't want to do even that, I would first examine what is wrong in your relationship that she can't trust you with it. Then go forward from there.

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent and I should be able to see how my child is doing in school. My dd says she is doing well but she won't let me know her exact grades and when I called the university they said they cannot release the grades to me. I get that my daughter is an adult now, but she still lives at home on break and I am still footing the bill for a lot of her necessities. Also, the school doesn't hesitate to call me about bills but they won't let me know my child's grades. This is ridiculous!

Why is the school calling you about bills. If you are paying your DDs tuition don't they do that my mail? If you aren't paying your DDs tuition then she should be listed as financially responsible and they would call her not you.

Here is a link to the FERPA rules, which describe the situation you are concerned about. This is federal policy, not the school's policy.

http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html

ask for her to take a rpegnancy test too so you can make sure she is not pregnant oh and don't forget to check her bank account to track her pending. make sure the gps on her car is in top shape and count the number of tampons to see if she skipped a period

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent and I should be able to see how my child is doing in school. My dd says she is doing well but she won't let me know her exact grades and when I called the university they said they cannot release the grades to me. I get that my daughter is an adult now, but she still lives at home on break and I am still footing the bill for a lot of her necessities. Also, the school doesn't hesitate to call me about bills but they won't let me know my child's grades. This is ridiculous!

She's hiding them. A red flag warning if there ever was one. Are you paying her tuition and housing fees or not?

I did not allow my parents to access my grades, but I put myself through college, including living expenses.

The only thing I used my parents for was their tax records for the fiancial aide form, and that was only because it was required.

If you are footing the bill, she needs to share her grades at the end of each semester. You are the one "buying" the product, not her.

If she does not want you to se what you are paying for, then she should pay her own tuition and possibly living expenses as well.

Anonymous wrote:NP here.
OP, PLEEEEAAAASSSE!

This young woman is in college and not your kid anymore. Calling the school to find out her grades and actually expecting them to kowtow to you because you pay her tuition are indications that something is off with YOU.

You need to get a grip. You sound like you were an overbearing mother. One of those people who needs to control others. At this point her grades and life are her business. If she chooses to share them with you, great! If not, there's nothing you can do except accept that you're not the boss of anyone except yourself. If you choose to stop paying her tuition because of that truth, that's on you.

I can only imagine what a PITA mother you were when she was in elementary through HS.

LET.IT.Go.

WTF? If you're paying the bills, insist on seeing the grades. Period. end of.

fat drunk and stupid is noway to go through life-

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's reasonable to want to see your child's grade when you're paying the bills.

However, that's between you and your child. She is the one who is concealing things from you. The school's policy is not to hand out grades to anyone not the student, period. That includes you, your neighbor, me and the lady across the hall from me.

Be mad as you can be. Just be mad at your lying child, not the school she's lying about.

Is OP paying the tuition, though? She says only that she pays for many necessities and that daughter lives at home.

Anonymous wrote:My parents always insisted on know. If they were paying, they have the right to know. I would tell your daughter either give you access every few weeks or she loses her mom/dad scholarship and if she does not want to be accountable, she needs to find a way to pay for next semester herself as that is what adults who do not want accountability do.

guarantee her grades will magically get better