Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 19:02     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Kill him.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 16:22     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
OMG this is awful
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 15:58     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you call the police when your brother barred the door and threatened your mother? How much more do you need to see/hear before you know something wrong is happening??? Your poor mother- why didn't you stick up for her? Who became her guardian after she fell and became brain damaged? Who took her to dr appts and cooked for her? Where did she live?


He made it all sound like he was protecting her. We found out after the fact. The guardian changed, of course. But by then it was too late to go back. She needed full time nursing care at a facility. She was very badly injured.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 15:16     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
I think all the parents on DCUM concerned that their only child does not have a sibling, should read this thread. I have often said that having a sibling is not a recipe for a built-in friend.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 15:05     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Why didn't you call the police when your brother barred the door and threatened your mother? How much more do you need to see/hear before you know something wrong is happening??? Your poor mother- why didn't you stick up for her? Who became her guardian after she fell and became brain damaged? Who took her to dr appts and cooked for her? Where did she live?
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 14:53     Subject: Re:Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you all for the support. Brother barred the door and threatened my mother when we tried to intervene. It took us awhile to figure out what was going on and to what extent. The money is not significant, and I do not need it, but it hurts me that he is the recipient of the moneys after what he did to her. Yes, the police were very nice, but there was not a lot they could do. After the tragic fall, the brother bowed out and just waited for the payday. We did not know about the will. Note I said, sent the will to him, not to the rest of the family. Members of the family tried many times to help but he was always either threatening or wheedling -- what ever it took. All I can say is go with your gut if you feel this is happening to a loved one (including your kids)


Oh please... It's so sad to see that people want to fight once money is involved. All I can say is that you, the brother and whoever is unloved or not... Is sad. Hope she finds peace and if it's not about money, let it go.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 14:51     Subject: Re:Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. This happened with my uncle and my grandma. We did everything we could, but nothing happened to him.

It took me a long time to get over it.



OP here: I am so sorry. It is awful and very painful.

After the fact, I could see the clues, see the meanings that I overlooked because I refused to believe. He even confessed, but I did not understand what he was talking about at the time, or I thought he was just venting or really did not mean it or something. He is happy he put this burden on me -- that was part of the plan -- he wanted to relive his burden and check out if he would get caught. Yes, he is an evil person. But very smart and devious. Talking to him puts a stain on the soul.


PP here.

You can only do what you can do in this situation:

1. You can tell the police what your brother said. He will lie to them, but at least you told the police and aren't a participant in covering up his crime. Don't except much, but you did your part.
Did this : it was very painful.

2. You can cut off your brother. Tell him why. Have not spoken to the brother, but he has trashed me to everyone who will listen.

3. You can tell other family members. They may or may not believe you. You will be accused of being dramatic and you may be cut off from family, but you will not be participating in the cover-up. The family is split half and half.

4. You can contest the will. Murderers can't enforce a will. You can testify to your brother's confession in court. The judge/jury may or may not believe you, but you will have said your piece.
I said my piece. Not interested in that legal headache. He stole most of the estate already.

I did 1-3, but not 4. There was no estate to speak of in my case.

For the PPs who are ragging on you about not doing more sooner: I repeatedly contacted elder abuse before her death, but my grandmother lied to them about what was going on. She was very angry with me for contacting the police. She didn't want them involved in her family business. Don't count on being able to protect elders from abuse; sometimes they won't protect themselves.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 14:48     Subject: Re:Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
OP here: Thank you all for the support. Brother barred the door and threatened my mother when we tried to intervene. It took us awhile to figure out what was going on and to what extent. The money is not significant, and I do not need it, but it hurts me that he is the recipient of the moneys after what he did to her. Yes, the police were very nice, but there was not a lot they could do. After the tragic fall, the brother bowed out and just waited for the payday. We did not know about the will. Note I said, sent the will to him, not to the rest of the family. Members of the family tried many times to help but he was always either threatening or wheedling -- what ever it took. All I can say is go with your gut if you feel this is happening to a loved one (including your kids)
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 13:39     Subject: Re:Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. This happened with my uncle and my grandma. We did everything we could, but nothing happened to him.

It took me a long time to get over it.



OP here: I am so sorry. It is awful and very painful.

After the fact, I could see the clues, see the meanings that I overlooked because I refused to believe. He even confessed, but I did not understand what he was talking about at the time, or I thought he was just venting or really did not mean it or something. He is happy he put this burden on me -- that was part of the plan -- he wanted to relive his burden and check out if he would get caught. Yes, he is an evil person. But very smart and devious. Talking to him puts a stain on the soul.


PP here.

You can only do what you can do in this situation:

1. You can tell the police what your brother said. He will lie to them, but at least you told the police and aren't a participant in covering up his crime. Don't except much, but you did your part.

2. You can cut off your brother. Tell him why.

3. You can tell other family members. They may or may not believe you. You will be accused of being dramatic and you may be cut off from family, but you will not be participating in the cover-up.

4. You can contest the will. Murderers can't enforce a will. You can testify to your brother's confession in court. The judge/jury may or may not believe you, but you will have said your piece.

I did 1-3, but not 4. There was no estate to speak of in my case.

For the PPs who are ragging on you about not doing more sooner: I repeatedly contacted elder abuse before her death, but my grandmother lied to them about what was going on. She was very angry with me for contacting the police. She didn't want them involved in her family business. Don't count on being able to protect elders from abuse; sometimes they won't protect themselves.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 12:47     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Sorry OP. You are not alone. My sibling is like this with my mother. I am reporting her for elder abuse. She took everything from my mother and now wants her out on the street. The sibling drinks every day, all day. It's awful.

In my case, my mother created a monster, literally. Is that the case in your family? They may mean well, but favoritism helps NO ONE. Ever.

Wills can easily be appealed. Get a lawyer. Yesterday.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 12:21     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
That is so awful what your brother did to your mother. She is at peace now. God bless her. Makes me want to cry.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 12:13     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
OP, where were you 20 years ago when the will was written?
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 11:41     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her

I'm sorry that all these posters are being so aggressive, OP.

My aunt "took care" of my grandmother, and ended up with most of her possessions. We found out after my grandma's death that my aunt had wheedled her out of her jewelry (destined for me, BTW) when she phoned my mother to complain that the stones were actually worthless and not the huge sums of money she had anticipated! Ha.

Time will heal your pain. In the meantime, hugs to you.
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 11:34     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Sounds like this brother did all the care-taking (albeit poorly) and you all were fine with keeping her out of your hair. How do you know all this abuse was taking place? And why didn't you intervene at the time?
Anonymous
Post 01/28/2014 09:09     Subject: Brother abuses elderly mother. Pushes her down the stairs in a moment of anger, crippling her
Anonymous wrote:While your mother was sitting in a wheel chair with brain damage your brother confessed to you that he pushed down the stairs causing all the damage. You stated that you didn't understand what he was saying but you also state that he confessed. Why didn't you do any follow up on his confession? Or go to the authorities? Did you just want him to take care of her and make your life easier or something? Then you found out about the will? Why did your mother leave everything to him 20 yrs ago?

I would go to the funeral. It is your mother. Also, won't all your family be there? It might be nice to see everyone.


This is just so painful. I will start with the easy part first. The will was clearly written by a lawyer and is valid. At then end of the will, the language changes -- my dad, in his typical rambling way says this and that trinket to this and that person (was he drunk?) and then the kicker and ... everything to this son. Then mailed the will off to the son (brother). We actually do not need the money, it is my other sib that I am worried about. The my mother just left it as is b/c she is scared of him. I could go on and on with what he did, but example: he lived with her, locked everyone else out and did not feed her and so on. Took her cars --too old to drive-- promised to bring groceries, but didn't. Other family members found her home with nothing, and started action. Just too late. Everything was just that little bit too late.

As for him: he is no idiot. I went to the police, of course. I thought he was just venting before and did not understand he was trying out different stories. He did not tell anyone else and certainly not the police. I am out of state.

After, the damage was done, and it certainly was not easier to care for an invalid in a wheelchair. Yes, many times I wished I had acted sooner. We all did, after. After we found out that elder abuse is rampant.