You have kid(s). They come first. I agree with the psychologist above - you do not take risks when it comes to your children's' safety. Nice doesn't matter.

My mom had bipolar disorder, and also had several episodes of psychosis-likely due to being inappropriately medicated. I agree with pps that you don't need to treat someone like a pariah because they have a mental illness, but I wouldn't let me child be near a person who was like my mom at her worst. I'm fine with my mom and daughter spending time together now because my mom's issues are now very well controlled, and I feel like I would immediately know if she seemed off. I would suggest that you just make sure you speak to the mom in person briefly before the kids spend time together, and if something seems off cancel. Your son should also know that if something feels off with this woman or anyone else, he should leave immediately and you will come get him.

People with mental illness are actually less likely to be violent than people without mental illness. people with mental illness are more likely to direct their aggression towards family members, often when family members intervene in moments of crisis. Crimes that involve mental illness make the news because they are often erratic, irrational, and unpredictable however these events are very rare compared to all the violence taking place around you.

People with bipolar affective disorder can have times when they are completely normal and rational in their thinking, and then they may cycle into depression or into hypomania or mania. People with depression or hypomania may act differently but they are not likely to be aggressive or violent. Sometimes people in full blown manic episodes can act aggressive based on delusions or complete paranoia and irrationality, however mania is very easy to see. You can tell if someone is manic.

Anonymous wrote:

Is she a documented axe murderer? Or are you in a school FULL of bored alarmists?

My guess is the latter.

I'm not the OP so I have no idea about her particular situation. That said, in almost every case of the "ax murderer" or person go "goes nuts" and harms someone, there are plenty of people who say "I always had a bad feeling about that person" or "I never felt ok around him/her" or "I didn't want to get involved, so I never voiced my concerns." All too often people don't get involved and allow the spiraling or out of control behavior to continue until something awful happens.

Is she a documented axe murderer? Or are you in a school FULL of bored alarmists?

My guess is the latter.

I would trust your gut and not have her around your child without you. I would do that based on your experience with her - not based on unsubstantiated rumors.
That said, I've had a situation where a parent was drunk at a gathering of children (the drunk parent was the host and had offer to drive some of the children home!). In that situation, parents had to discuss the obvious and offer rides to the children for their own safety. However, no one confronted the parent or even perpetuated the story. I've often wondered if we did the right thing by not sharing the story with other parents. After all, what if someone accepts a ride for their child next time and this parent is drunk again? Wouldn't we all feel awful? Hard to know how to handle these things the right way. For me, I simply made the decision that my DC cannot go in the car with this parent ever again.

If any of us feels our child is not safe in someone else's care, we should not leave our child in their care. Period.

Here's the thing: this mom may not actually be bipolar. And OP's concern may be completely unfounded even if the mom is bipolar. But either way, OP feels uncomfortable about whether or not her son would be safe, she should offer to do get togethers at her house instead.

As for staying friends with this mom, that's completely up to OP. Some people are able to be supportive when others are going through difficult times (including but not at all limited to mental illness). Others just don't have it in them to "be there" for someone, either in the moment or ever. It is what it is.

Finally, OP, the one thing YOU SHOULD NOT DO is repeat to anyone else in your social circle or elsewhere that this woman is bipolar. What you heard was THIRD HAND. Who knows if it's true or reliable. PLEASE be a good person and do not spread the word further!!

* bizarre

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as though you're basing your worries on what amount to rumors...you heard that somebody else heard, etc.

I think I would consider the source and realize that some folks...talk. And rumors like this can be juicy tidbits to share.

I would try to get to know this woman better. Maybe invite her son to play with your son on a sports team. Or even enroll them in a rec center class together. If you feel comfortable with her, allow your son to go to this boy's house for a couple of hours. Good luck!

ITA. OP, unless you are a licensed psychiatrist (medical doctor), you should abstain from any rumor mongering, lest you get slapped with libel and/or slander charges. You may THINK you have people on YOUR side. Do you live in McLean?

Either decide to be a real friend or decide not to; but as an adult, it is your responsibility to get a life and refuse to partake in others' stories. Who knows, maybe the other moms don't like her because she is hotter than them and their husbands notice, for all you know. Suburbia can be a boring, black hole, if you let it.

Her ex probably started the rumor. People believe whatever they hear. This woman probably wonders why everyone suddenly dropped her.

That's exactly what I was thinking. My husband's ex-wife told everyone (including CPS and a family court judge) that I was sexually abusing her children and that I was bi-polar. Needless to say, she was lying. We won physical custody of my stepkids partly because of her lies.

People do and say blizzard things when they divorce.

OP, you know absolutely nothing about mental illness and are losing any clout by your own actions. Shut it.

Wow! This is a rumor that you are believing and engaging in perpetuating. You are very cruel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as though you're basing your worries on what amount to rumors...you heard that somebody else heard, etc.

I think I would consider the source and realize that some folks...talk. And rumors like this can be juicy tidbits to share.

I would try to get to know this woman better. Maybe invite her son to play with your son on a sports team. Or even enroll them in a rec center class together. If you feel comfortable with her, allow your son to go to this boy's house for a couple of hours. Good luck!

ITA. OP, unless you are a licensed psychiatrist (medical doctor), you should abstain from any rumor mongering, lest you get slapped with libel and/or slander charges. You may THINK you have people on YOUR side. Do you live in McLean?

Either decide to be a real friend or decide not to; but as an adult, it is your responsibility to get a life and refuse to partake in others' stories. Who knows, maybe the other moms don't like her because she is hotter than them and their husbands notice, for all you know. Suburbia can be a boring, black hole, if you let it.

Her ex probably started the rumor. People believe whatever they hear. This woman probably wonders why everyone suddenly dropped her.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as though you're basing your worries on what amount to rumors...you heard that somebody else heard, etc.

I think I would consider the source and realize that some folks...talk. And rumors like this can be juicy tidbits to share.

I would try to get to know this woman better. Maybe invite her son to play with your son on a sports team. Or even enroll them in a rec center class together. If you feel comfortable with her, allow your son to go to this boy's house for a couple of hours. Good luck!

ITA. OP, unless you are a licensed psychiatrist (medical doctor), you should abstain from any rumor mongering, lest you get slapped with libel and/or slander charges. You may THINK you have people on YOUR side. Do you live in McLean?

Either decide to be a real friend or decide not to; but as an adult, it is your responsibility to get a life and refuse to partake in others' stories. Who knows, maybe the other moms don't like her because she is hotter than them and their husbands notice, for all you know. Suburbia can be a boring, black hole, if you let it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS grandma (my mother) is bipolar and I do not allow them together without my supervision. Never know when they're going to have an "episode."

I'm a psychologist and this isn't accurate. Bipolar people don't suddenly have an episode. It can present itself more as a cycle. If you knew your grandma you could read the signs of when she was "down" or "high." In any case my fil is bipolar and he's helped me watch my kids since they were born. That being said I would never leave them alone with them in his care- he's unpredictable in the way that he gets lost in his thoughts, but I know him very we'll. you don't know this boys mothers or her patterns. When it comes to my child's safety I don't take risks, regardless of whether it's nice or not nice to stop being friends with someone with a mental illness. I agree with you being cautious. I think a pp mentioned inviting friend to your house or doing outings as play dates where you could meet somewhere. A lot of what you know is here say and I do think that's important to be careful but also be kind and compassionate. Good luck!

Thank you PP. I do feel like a horrible person for dropping her but it's a child safety thing IMHO. I mean there is probably a 99.9 percent chance that nothing would ever happen but if it did and my DC was involved, I'd never forgive myself. I read an article once about how humans have been programmed due to our history to make quick decisions about other people for survival. Really sixth sense says avoid her like a plague.

It sounds as though you're basing your worries on what amount to rumors...you heard that somebody else heard, etc.

I think I would consider the source and realize that some folks...talk. And rumors like this can be juicy tidbits to share.

I would try to get to know this woman better. Maybe invite her son to play with your son on a sports team. Or even enroll them in a rec center class together. If you feel comfortable with her, allow your son to go to this boy's house for a couple of hours. Good luck!