We had a high-touch baby and placed her at an in=home daycare when she was 6mos old. 9 kids, 3 providers. They were amazing with her. She spent some time in swings and bouncers but the provider was also very focused on having even the smallest infants in circle time with the older kids, being held or in a high chair at mealtimes with the older kids, basically using the social aspect of the group to help the little ones adjust.

We deliberately made a point of showing up at all sorts of random hours and while occasionally DD was in the exersaucer, she was more likely to be in a caregiver's arms or happily playing on a blanket in the same space as the older kids.

I do think it varies by provider, setting and child though. Communicate with your child's providers. Stop in at all hours -- literally even 45min after you've done drop-off and peek in before they see you. DD is now in preschool and I still always try to watch through the window of her classroom for a minute or two before going in simply to see how she's interacting in her environment without me present.

I have done daycare in my home for 30+ years and must say I had a couple that were pretty hard to manage. Yes, there are some that just cant adapt (might be they need a smaller group, more hands on, attention). As much as we try, we cant possibly hold an infant all day and still be able to manage the other children in care.

I had a little boy who came to me at NINE months of age. He cried, screamed, etc for ONE MONTH. I was at wits end because I tried absolutely everything I could think of to help him transition. His deal was he'd been home with nothing but family (mom, grandparents, uncle) who literally did nothing but hold him all the time! So of course that is what he expected me to do when he got here, and I just couldnt and tend to the others. After one month of screaming (and a neighbor of mine jokingly asking what we did to him because they'd hear him through an open window) I was getting ready to talk to the mom and tell her she might need to find someone else. And literally overnight, he just quit. No more crying. No more screaming. Nothing!!! AND he turned out to be one of THE best kids in my daycare. I had him from 9 mo of age until he turned 8 or 9. He was an awesome kid. I am glad I stuck it out, and in my contract I tell parents there is a 4-6 week trial to see how their child does where one or another of us can break the contract with no penalties. I would hate to think of a child being somewhere he/she isnt happy.

I stayed at home with a difficult baby and I often often wondered if she would have done better at daycare. My friend has a son who sounds so similar to my dd in terms of sensitivities and he's 10 months old and not doing great in daycare so it made me second guess if she would have been better off. I guess I'll never know!!

Anonymous wrote:I am sure I will get flamed for this, but sometimes those difficult babies aren't difficult for daycare.

+1

My mom has run an in home daycare for nearly 20 years. In all that time, she only ever had to "expel" one baby because it wasn't adjusting. It was a colicky baby, and the mom had to wear the baby every moment she wasn't feeding or changing her. Baby would only sleep in a carrier. When she started daycare, she cried all day every day for 2 weeks. I'm not kidding. She lost her voice after a few days. Upset all the other kids.
For what it is worth, she returned 4 months later after her colic subsided and was happy as a clam.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get left in a bouncer or swing crying.

I worked in daycares during college. This is true. The workers get frustrated a lot quicker than parents do. Once a baby cried so much and so often that the parents were asked to find another daycare. It was really horrible being in the room listening to crying all day long. I'm sure it was stressful for the cranky baby and all the other babies.

Hate to agree with this, but it's absolutely true. Of course when parents are in and out you won't see babies alone and crying. But it happens. No one is going to hold your baby all day long no matter what the day care tells you. You do the best you can to comfort a crying baby, but you can't ignore the needs of the other kids for one difficult baby. At the end of the day if all the babies are fed, changed, and safe, it's a good day in an infant room.

You two are crazy if you're seriously proposing that ALL daycares are like this. I am not naive, I work for CPS and leaving my baby at daycare for the 1st times was so hard for me and of course daycare centers are on their best behavior when they know parents are around... but I also am not an idiot. For the 1st few weeks I dropped in at all different hours, with zero warning, and watched from the window before ever entering. There were MANY times they had no idea I was watching until I started opening the door.

No bad daycare center that is leaving kids in a swing all day is going to be able to "pretend to be good" if a parent drops in to check it out all different hours, and the center gets used to that parent as someone who is checking up. I'm not saying I never saw anything that worried me, and I definitely had a couple "talks" with the manager and the director of the center, but overall I knew I was seeing how they really were most of hte time.

Just because your place was that bad, do not assume all places are.

My daughter was in the same daycare room as the child of the director of the daycare. None of the kids in that room, or any other at our center, were left to cry incessantly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get left in a bouncer or swing crying.

I worked in daycares during college. This is true. The workers get frustrated a lot quicker than parents do. Once a baby cried so much and so often that the parents were asked to find another daycare. It was really horrible being in the room listening to crying all day long. I'm sure it was stressful for the cranky baby and all the other babies.

This. We were asked to find another place for our baby.

It's always amazing to me how the anti-daycare folks know about one or two daycares and think they know everything about the thousands of daycares out there.

We are at a good daycare center. Our twins were in the infant room for 14 months (4-18 months), a toddler room for 6 months and are now in the twos room. There are many families that love this center and have brought their second child through the program because their first did so well. Over half of the kids in the twos room our kids have known for 75% of the lives or so because they have all shifted from room to room together (they all transition within a few months of each other depending on their birthdays).

In this daycare, there are no swings. There are one or two bouncers per room with six infants and two teachers. My children had the same 2 teachers throughout their 14 months in the infant room, both excellent infant specialists. I watched these two work with several very difficult babies and although the first couple of weeks were hard, after that, the babies adapted pretty well to the room. And as they became older babies (6-12 months), the peer network helped a lot of them. The younger ones struggled to do what the older ones were doing, so we had a lot of kids that learned to crawl, scoot or walk pretty early to keep up with the slighly older kids. In the toddler and twos room, my kids adapt to a lot of things as fast as we teach them because they get such great reinforcement at school.

OP--although each daycare and each child react differently, expect that the first 2-3 weeks will be difficult, but that your child will adapt. Children are amazingly resilient and they do adapt. Do your due diligence in researching the daycare but the vast majority of difficult children do adapt. There are the small minority who will not, but don't count on your child being one of them until it happens and then try an alternative.

My high needs baby got worse with daycare. He was way overstimulated, and often slept maybe 30 minutes in an 8
hour day. Switched to a nanny share after three terrible months. Paid through the nose for an experienced nanny....worth every damn penny.

Weirdly, my son who cried pretty much constantly at home, did not cry much at all at daycare - he did sleep incessantly though. I think the increased noise level actually helped him to feel better and sleep. I stopped in at all times of the day, since I work from home - he was very rarely crying and usually sleeping.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get left in a bouncer or swing crying.

I worked in daycares during college. This is true. The workers get frustrated a lot quicker than parents do. Once a baby cried so much and so often that the parents were asked to find another daycare. It was really horrible being in the room listening to crying all day long. I'm sure it was stressful for the cranky baby and all the other babies.

Hate to agree with this, but it's absolutely true. Of course when parents are in and out you won't see babies alone and crying. But it happens. No one is going to hold your baby all day long no matter what the day care tells you. You do the best you can to comfort a crying baby, but you can't ignore the needs of the other kids for one difficult baby. At the end of the day if all the babies are fed, changed, and safe, it's a good day in an infant room.

+1 That's a pretty accurate description.

And, honestly, it's okay. Like the PP said, if all the babies are fed/changed/safe, isn't that what you use daycare for? In MoCo, there's a ratio of 2 adults for 6 infants. It is impossible for a baby to be held all day. But, the babies all end up fine anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I am sure I will get flamed for this, but sometimes those difficult babies aren't difficult for daycare.

I don't know if this is what you meant by this, but: DD was a really tough baby, but did so much better at day care (an in home daycare). She napped for so much longer than at home, still does now that she is in preschool. There is something about the routine with other children that she responds to well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get left in a bouncer or swing crying.

I have never seen a baby alone and crying on my daycare, ever. But way to justify yourself.

Right, it's mot gonna happen when parents are around.... But it does. A lot.

Decent day cares aren't allowed to have bouncers or swings, FYI.

Wait, what?

I've had two kids at daycare (two separate daycares) and both have had bouncers and swings. Maybe they weren't 'decent' daycares? But, we were pretty happy at both and the caregivers were quite good, but I disagree that day cares don't have bouncers/swings!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get left in a bouncer or swing crying.

I worked in daycares during college. This is true. The workers get frustrated a lot quicker than parents do. Once a baby cried so much and so often that the parents were asked to find another daycare. It was really horrible being in the room listening to crying all day long. I'm sure it was stressful for the cranky baby and all the other babies.

Hate to agree with this, but it's absolutely true. Of course when parents are in and out you won't see babies alone and crying. But it happens. No one is going to hold your baby all day long no matter what the day care tells you. You do the best you can to comfort a crying baby, but you can't ignore the needs of the other kids for one difficult baby. At the end of the day if all the babies are fed, changed, and safe, it's a good day in an infant room.