Why don't you arrange what YOU want to arrange?

Anonymous wrote:No such thing as "insist" UNLESS they are paying.

Don't let this happen to you. Pay your own way. Make your own choices.

We have offered to go to a more child friendly, but more upscale area on our dime. MIL refuses to change anything. Ever. It's kind of an issue. We try to go along to get along, but it gets difficult when you are on your own and have limited vacation time, along with a young family. I am under the impression MIL has always been this way

No such thing as "insist" UNLESS they are paying.

Don't let this happen to you. Pay your own way. Make your own choices.

Wow. I so want to do this on vacation. MIL *insists* on inviting a family with kids our kids' ages, and one of them almost killed my child last summer. MIL will once again *insist* on doing it again this year. Good times.

LOL I'm a grandma and in my 40s, able to navigate this pesky old internet thingiemabob, young lady!

Why are there now grandmas on this board?

If people ask, they deserve the real reason - not we thought it would be easier for you.

Haven't read all the replies, but we truly did this not b/c we didn't like staying with in-laws but because with 4 children we just overwhelmed their house. Do you have children and/or recently had more children? You could use that as your excuse. I'd frame it as wanting to be considerate of them. although you have to be careful b/c you don't want to have them say "oh no no no we would love it the more the merrier" in which case it would backfire.

If I switched, my parents wouldn't act like it was a big deal at all. To me. But they wouldn't miss a chance to bring it up with everyone else they talked to. For like the next 10 years. The story would evolve and they re-remembered their version. But I would look terrible in all of them!

Anonymous wrote:Ruffling feathers = trying to control. When you are equals, have a peer-to-peer relationship, there is no "control" - you politely ignore it.

While I agree with this, its not unreasonable to think that it could feasibly hurt someone's feelings, which to me is a consideration, since its people you care about and don't want to hurt. Its not as black and white for some people, because relationships are layered

Why don't you plan a night at a hotel for the two of you while you are visiting? Leave the kids with the grandparents and enjoy some alone time.

Ruffling feathers = trying to control. When you are equals, have a peer-to-peer relationship, there is no "control" - you politely ignore it.

I am going to remember we are not alone come "vacation" time - it sucks!

As adults - pay for a hotel. You're big kids now. You don't need relatives ok, or need them to understand. Don't discuss, just do.

We rented our own place (very modest/small condo) near our inlaws at the beach. Sure it's expensive.

It's about respect. Pay your own way.

We started once we realized DH's brother was growing his own little marijuana farm under the porch. And there were dead moths on the guest room bed.