Anonymous wrote:Lord, get the hint! Stay in a hotel because you sound like the guest from hell

Hey dipshit, she fends for herself, brings her own things....

Perhaps some posters here don't realize but, if the baby does have a milk protein intolerance and mama ate dairy (including butter), the milk protein will be in her breastmilk for up to 2 weeks and the baby may suffer for that whole time because of this "slip-up."
OP, I feel for you. Sorry this happened

She is intentionally behaving passive-aggressively. Like she didn't know the "Stop" sign on the corner applies to cars; she just didn't know and it doesn't explicitly say so.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL knows I'm allergic to pork. Yet on Thanksgiving one of her sides included green bean casserole with bacon. After one bite, I tasted the bacon and my tongue and lips became tingly. I asked her if it had bacon in it. She said yes! When I reminded her about my pork allergy, she acted like she didn't realize bacon was pork. WTF? So either she is really stupid or she was testing my allergy. It may be the same case for you, OP.

I've found that you have to specify EXACTLY what you can and cannot eat when you have dietary restrictions, especially with older people. I am Jewish and don't eat any pork - well I've found that I have to spell out "no pig products of any kind", because several times I've said that I don't eat pork and people didn't realize it also included bacon, ham etc. "Wait you said no pork, did you mean bacon too???". Also, I think the onus is on the person with allergies/dietary restrictions to make sure they aren't eating something questionable (for adults of course, not talking about little kids). Especially when there is cooking for a crowd. Unless I know that my hosts keep kosher, I would ask about any dish that looked "questionable" to make sure there is no pork.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL knows I'm allergic to pork. Yet on Thanksgiving one of her sides included green bean casserole with bacon. After one bite, I tasted the bacon and my tongue and lips became tingly. I asked her if it had bacon in it. She said yes! When I reminded her about my pork allergy, she acted like she didn't realize bacon was pork. WTF? So either she is really stupid or she was testing my allergy. It may be the same case for you, OP.

NP here, developed allergies as an adult to several delicious fruits and veggies. The bummer is WE have to be vigilant, not anyone else- even my own mother who is allergic to the same things I am, forgot when we were at a catered event that I also needed a special plate (she felt terrible). It sucks but it is what it is, and we are the only ones who get sick when we get the wrong food, If I think something is suspect, I ask before I put it in my mouth.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL knows I'm allergic to pork. Yet on Thanksgiving one of her sides included green bean casserole with bacon. After one bite, I tasted the bacon and my tongue and lips became tingly. I asked her if it had bacon in it. She said yes! When I reminded her about my pork allergy, she acted like she didn't realize bacon was pork. WTF? So either she is really stupid or she was testing my allergy. It may be the same case for you, OP.

If your allergy was/is serious, wouldn't it be prudent to ask beforehand to make sure nothing contains pork?

Once again, you would think it's common knowledge, but it isn't all that surprising that some folks don't make the connection between pork/bacon, dairy/butter, vegetarian/chicken stock, gluten/soy sauce, especially when they are cooking for lots of people.

If an allergy is serious enough, why let other people control your destiny? Check it out beforehand!

My MIL knows I'm allergic to pork. Yet on Thanksgiving one of her sides included green bean casserole with bacon. After one bite, I tasted the bacon and my tongue and lips became tingly. I asked her if it had bacon in it. She said yes! When I reminded her about my pork allergy, she acted like she didn't realize bacon was pork. WTF? So either she is really stupid or she was testing my allergy. It may be the same case for you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Probably it's because she didn't make anything with cheese or milk, so she thinks it's dairy-free. She didn't consider that butter (not a "food" so much as an incidental) is dairy too.

I'm a vegetarian. My Inlaws have for YEARS told me this or that is vegetarian, yet when I press for details I find it's made with chicken stock, or a casserole with a can of Campbells cream of chicken soup. They don't do it to stick it to me, they just don't realize that a Broccoli Rice casserole (no meat, sounds vegetarian to them) made with cream of chicken soup is actually NOT vegetarian!

Do you think she's deliberately doing this, or just not thinking?

Great post--this very well could be the case.

I have the same situation as the other poster with the Gluten allergy. People without much first-hand experience don't necessarily know that it isn't just bread and wheat that contains gluten, but can also be really random things like soy sauce, canned tomatoes, or a myriad of other "non-wheaty" types of food. This was harder for my Dad, who has been cooking for himself for 50+ years without restrictions, to wrap his head around than it was for me (someone who had to be acutely aware).

If the OP truly thinks this was a malicious "test your allergy", than this is a separate, much larger issue.

If it is just a lack of education or experience about what exactly "dairy free" means, the the OP should be more explicit and helpful during the food preparation process.

Anonymous wrote:Give her the benefit of the doubt. Cooking without any dairy is difficult and it's easy to slip up. It's not a conspiracy.

This, OP, this. She's from a different generation, too, where (like the person who posted above noted) they might figure that "vegetarian" means "no meat/chicken chunks in it" and don't realize that stock or soup violates the code, or that butter is not OK in a case like yours. Though it seems butter may indeed be OK. Have you checked?

OP, it sounds as if you might have other resentments about MIL because if you were OK with her, I think you'd give her the benefit of the doubt and be a little more understanding of generational differences that can cause even a well-meaning person to slip up. Unless she is a total witch in other ways to you, she really isn't going to spend her time plotting ways to make you and her own grandchild sick, is she? Really? Why the impulse to assume the worst? She probably isn't intentionally undermining you; she's likelier just not realizing the full extent of what "no dairy" means. And again -- find out if maybe that butter is OK after all.

As someone whose family has no grandmother on one side and an infirm one who is 6,000 miles away on the other side -- I would be glad to put up with working around their forgetfulness or mistakes, if I could spend time with them again. Get some perspective, OP.