Anonymous wrote:My nephew's 1st birthday was a couple of months ago, I sent a cute card with a message and had my kids sign it, along with a toy. (We live in different parts of the country so it's all done by mail). My DD's birthday was a couple months later. My sister sent a gift a month late, directly from the company, not wrapped, no card with any type of personal message, I guessed it was from her. I contacted her asking if she sent it so I could thank her and it was indeed from her.

It kind of seems like she felt obligated to send a gift because I had sent one to her child. My kids are older than hers and this is the first time she's ever sent a birthday gift. She always calls or emails on their birthdays, so I know she remembers and cares. But the gift just seemed insincere. Would you have felt this way?

OP, did she call or email on your kid's birthday this year? If no, maybe she sent the gift to make up for forgetting. If she did call or email, AND she sent a gift, well that's two nice things she did.

Anonymous wrote:My nephew's 1st birthday was a couple of months ago, I sent a cute card with a message and had my kids sign it, along with a toy. (We live in different parts of the country so it's all done by mail). My DD's birthday was a couple months later. My sister sent a gift a month late, directly from the company, not wrapped, no card with any type of personal message, I guessed it was from her. I contacted her asking if she sent it so I could thank her and it was indeed from her.

It kind of seems like she felt obligated to send a gift because I had sent one to her child. My kids are older than hers and this is the first time she's ever sent a birthday gift. She always calls or emails on their birthdays, so I know she remembers and cares. But the gift just seemed insincere. Would you have felt this way?

Having family/friends like you is my nightmare. You're just sitting around thinking about how your sister - with a baby - didn't send you a gift the "right" way? Jesus, get a hobby.

Anonymous wrote:Oh boo hoo. Really? The busy new mom thing doesn't fly with me. He's 1, not a newborn, she's a SAHM with help and I know how much effort she puts in for people she gives a crap about

I don't think this is OP. The writing is different.

Anonymous wrote:It kind of seems like she felt obligated to send a gift because I had sent one to her child. My kids are older than hers and this is the first time she's ever sent a birthday gift. She always calls or emails on their birthdays, so I know she remembers and cares. But the gift just seemed insincere. Would you have felt this way?

My kids wouldn't have given a rat's ass about the 'sincerety' of the gift. Anytime they get something, they're excited and happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never sent gifts to your kids before now + young baby at home = she's probably just doing the best she can and didn't think to include a note or get the gift sent out in time. I wouldn't overthink it.

+1

+1

My dear OP,

Even if it was an afterthought or out of obligation, can't you just be glad that she eventually remembered your child's birthday?

Some people are really disorganized and/or don't value sentimental presentation such as gift-wrapping, bows and cards. It does not mean she does not care about your child!

Move on.

Really? The gift giving wasn't sincere enough for your liking?

Anonymous wrote:Oh boo hoo. Really? The busy new mom thing doesn't fly with me. He's 1, not a newborn, she's a SAHM with help and I know how much effort she puts in for people she gives a crap about

.

OP, you sound nutty. Even if she only sent the gift because she felt obligated, so what? Don't send her kid a gift next year and then she'll go back to the status quo. My guess is that you dislike her for other reasons.

Anonymous wrote:Oh boo hoo. Really? The busy new mom thing doesn't fly with me. He's 1, not a newborn, she's a SAHM with help and I know how much effort she puts in for people she gives a crap about

If this is OP writing then you are a pill.

Anonymous wrote:Never sent gifts to your kids before now + young baby at home = she's probably just doing the best she can and didn't think to include a note or get the gift sent out in time. I wouldn't overthink it.

+1

Anonymous wrote:It may be that she felt she needed to send your DD a gift this year because you had sent her DS something on his birthday.
Perhaps otherwise she would have emailed or sent a card, as she had in prior years, before she had her own child.
It wouldn't occur to me to get upset about how a gift was presented or delivered, and your kids would never notice unless they were picking up on your feelings.
I send Amazon gifts all the time, and if she's new to this, she may not have noticed the option to gift wrap or write a note.
It was thoughtful of her to send a gift - life is way to short to not let this go immediately, take a deep breath and enjoy the day.

+1,000

OP, you are heading for years of resentments if this kind of thing is eating at you in the least. Can you try to focus on the fact she took some effort even to send a gift when she usually does not (and when she has a young child, and might have had things going on at home about which you know absolutely nothing).

Why does it matter so much to you if she didn't also send a card, or write a note, or wrap the gift, or get it sent to her and then nobly schlep out to the post office (baby in tow, of course) to mail it yet again just because that's "nicer" than sending it directly via the company where she bought it....Would it be more "sincere" as a gift if she had done all that?

What it comes down to is that she didn't do it the way you would have done it, and you think you are more sincere than she is. Maybe you're forgetting what it was like to do those kinds of things with a young kid on hand, or maybe her baby had a cold that week, or maybe she isn't as experienced a gift-giver as you are. But she did make an effort and you're dismissing it and overthinking it at the same time. Please don't let your kids see or hear your disappointment or they'll think the gift isn't good enough. Ingratitude is much worse than the supposedly "insincere" gift.



Sigh and roll your eyes about and say things like "Well, I guess she meant well" and "Oh, it's too bad there's no card....." or "Gee, where's the wrapping? Oh, she had it sent directly to us...so no wrapping, sorry...." to your kids, if you want them to grow up feeling entitled and bruised if everyone doesn't meet mom's standards.

Anonymous wrote:Oh boo hoo. Really? The busy new mom thing doesn't fly with me. He's 1, not a newborn, she's a SAHM with help and I know how much effort she puts in for people she gives a crap about

Is this you, OP? If so, just wow.

Anonymous wrote:She's sending a gift because you, OP, upped the ante, from calls and cards to gifts. So she's trying to not offend you by sending a gift now that you are sending gifts.

And she's got a baby so she's actually really making an effort now because sending a gift is harder than cards/calls. Because she has to figure out what to get your older kids and that's hard for someone who doesn't have an older kid.

Re: Amazon--easy to make mistakes, and also, horrible, horrible gift wrapping--so there ya have it.

I think what she did was step up to a higher level, and you are focused on that she didn't do it perfectly. This is incorrect of you, IMO.

I would have my kid thank her for the gift, but I would email her or call and say, "hey, there's on need to send my kids gifts, they are older, and we've always done cards. I just sent a gift because you have a BABY!! and it's very exciting and fun to shop for baby gifts. But the last thing I want to do to a new mom is saddle her with more stuff to do, and my kids are older and don't need more things. So just relax and don't feel you need to send a gift because I did, ok? Relax and concentrate on Baby Jane."

Agree with this. What she did was exceptionally kind, I think, to respond to your generosity with the same gesture. Means more than if she'd been giving gifts all along.

Oh boo hoo. Really? The busy new mom thing doesn't fly with me. He's 1, not a newborn, she's a SAHM with help and I know how much effort she puts in for people she gives a crap about

She's sending a gift because you, OP, upped the ante, from calls and cards to gifts. So she's trying to not offend you by sending a gift now that you are sending gifts.

And she's got a baby so she's actually really making an effort now because sending a gift is harder than cards/calls. Because she has to figure out what to get your older kids and that's hard for someone who doesn't have an older kid.

Re: Amazon--easy to make mistakes, and also, horrible, horrible gift wrapping--so there ya have it.

I think what she did was step up to a higher level, and you are focused on that she didn't do it perfectly. This is incorrect of you, IMO.

I would have my kid thank her for the gift, but I would email her or call and say, "hey, there's on need to send my kids gifts, they are older, and we've always done cards. I just sent a gift because you have a BABY!! and it's very exciting and fun to shop for baby gifts. But the last thing I want to do to a new mom is saddle her with more stuff to do, and my kids are older and don't need more things. So just relax and don't feel you need to send a gift because I did, ok? Relax and concentrate on Baby Jane."