Anonymous wrote:Has anyone held back their 6th or 8th grader or had their child do a gap year before college? Did that help with a child who might be on the lower end of the spectrum come middle school?

Each of my kids, who have late fall birthdays were pushed forward and then also skipped a grade in elementary school. Each of them did a gap year. One did it between high school and college, while the other did it between college and med school.

My sister and I skipped third grade so we were the youngest in our class. We both did well academically and socially and continue to do well professionally now. My kids have April and May birthdays; one is in kindergarten with no issues and I don't expect my son with the April birthday to have any issues that might cause us to hold him back.

Has anyone held back their 6th or 8th grader or had their child do a gap year before college? Did that help with a child who might be on the lower end of the spectrum come middle school?

Years ago, I knew someone who did this with their son when they changed schools. She was very happy with the results. Unless your child really wants to do it, I would not do it at the same school.

I was the youngest by far. It only sucked in HS because my curfew was earlier than everybody else's.

Hi OP. I was the youngest in my class (mid-Dec. birthday so pretty young for a girl)

I was fine until everyone else hit puberty…that was tough. I remember having a meltdown about having to go to 6th grade science camp (one week long). I was desperate not to go; don't think I ever told my mom why, but it was because I was afraid of the showers situation.

In 9th grade I managed to finagle my way out of PE due to the shower situation. (again, much tears) I was also pretending to like boys.

It seems so silly now but wow, I was really a wreck back then. I remember these experiences as big ones, as significant.

Anyways not really giving my opinion, because there are arguments both ways…..except to say it matters not just if your kid is ready for K, but you have to think of the longer term.

I know one kid in my DDs class who is super-young, and small, and she's really treated as the kids' pet. Accepted, loved, adored, but really more like the sidekick or scrappy-doo or someone's younger sibling rather than a full member of the group.

btw, although I've been very successful academically and career-wise, socially, I am not an alpha. I very much excel at projects and things I do alone or as part of a team, but never want to take a leadership position. I really think it's a combination of being the younger child, and also being the youngest in my class. I never had an opportunity to lead. I don't think it's a deal-killer but I would propose if you do it, think down the road for opportunities for your child to be the oldest in a group of peers (maybe in outside sports) or a babysitter of multiple kids when older.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone held back their 6th or 8th grader or had their child do a gap year before college? Did that help with a child who might be on the lower end of the spectrum come middle school?

We did. We knew there would be some social adjustments as far as peers are concerned, but went ahead anyway, with his approval. It's working out fine. This kid has always been mature/immature at the same time. He is socially competent and a take charge type person, but our instinct told us being the youngest freshman in the college dorm room would not be good in the years ahead. We offered to give him a gap year after high school he balked at the idea. He doesn't want any gaps between high school and college. His assessments puts in the 99% but he is disorganize and lack discipline. If I had to do it over again, I would have done it in the younger grades and not listen to the 'school experts' about his readiness. His pediatrician agrees the extra time doesn't hurt. This child is clever but his cleverness does not parallel his wisdom, if that make sense, so for him an extra year is good for all involve. His younger brother is more mature and measured than he is.

I was the oldest and my best friend was the youngest. We both excelled academically and graduated as the top 2 in the class. I use that as my measure that academics vary based on the basic natural abilities of the child.

That said, my daughter was the youngest in her jr. high class with a birthday the week of the cutoff. Now she's in high school. She does fine and manages socially but I wish I had held her back. Things would come easier for her and she's be more confident. I see that now that she's a teen.

I was the youngest in my class (started K at 4, started college at 17) and had no problems academically or socially.

Has anyone held back their 6th or 8th grader or had their child do a gap year before college? Did that help with a child who might be on the lower end of the spectrum come middle school?

While we are not so much worried for the K years - we do worry about the impact of being the smaller/youngest one when he is age 12-13 when according to research is when some kids are more affected by their age/grade level.

I find this assessment to be funny because I work with middle schoolers and 12-14 year olds are all over the map in terms of height, the degree to which they have gone through puberty, and maturity, especially physically. It's hard to say where your kid will be, but it's not necessarily true that the youngest is the smallest/most immature; there is a whole 2-3 year span that is normal. There are some 8th graders/freshmen who look like men, and others who look like little boys! Oh what an awkward time.

But as to the original question, I don't have a huge amount of personal experience because I am a May birthday myself (so on the younger end of the middle), but in general these things seem to be a lot more personality based than age based. By the time you get to college (or, according to Malcolm Gladwell, with regard to academics, 8th grade) these things tend to even out. I know one of the laziest guys I dated from high school was "redshirted" with an August birthday, and my best friend has a "non-redshirted" fall birthday and is incredibly self-directed. And there is everything in-between.

I think it's more about personality than age.

I was the youngest in my class and did very well. I enjoyed being the youngest.

We waited a year to start our DS (August 15th) and he is also doing very well. I think he would have been fine if we started him on time too. We had other factors that came into play when we considered his start time.

I was the youngest and other than the driving thing it really didn't matter at all. But I'm 40 and there was a lot less pressure on me than there will be on my DC who is has a birthday close to mine. I started college at 17 but that was 1991! More comfortable with DC starting college at almost 19 than not yet 18. There are so many opportunities for enrichment at school (AP, extracurriculars) and outside of school, I'm not concerned at this time. If she's bored (like a PP's kid) then we'll reassess...that's my two cents.

I was almost the youngest in HS. One of my friends had a Dec 31st birthday. We both did very well academically and socially. We went to an all girls' schools where being smart gave status.

Sent my late summer birthday boy on time. He's still in elementary but does well academically and socially. No issues at all.

I was the oldest (my mom held me back from starting K because I was 2 weeks from the cutoff). There were absolutely no ill effects and I did well in school. No one really even knew that I was held back.

My mom pushed to have me put in first grade (no k back then) before my 6th birthday. I was smart enough but not mature enough. I always struggled, and it sucked being so much younger than everyone else. We red-shirted one of our kids because of the same reason and he is doing wonderfully. Our youngest received early intervention so he was started on time and is also doing very well.