Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are enabling him and need to stop supporting him. If you'd like to continue supporting the grandchild, I would purchase very specific items (I.e. a case of diapers) and limit babysitting to every once in a while - or, at the most, a regular 2 hours every week.

A single mom needs more than 2 hrs a week of help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a millennial, can we stop blaming this on millennials? I wasn't helicopter parented, but was an only child that received everything. I've worked hard, saved hard and made good choices (went to college and no kids before marriage). There will always be deadbeat men, but we need to force people to work harder and succeed. My parents have always advocated for hand ups not hand outs.

I am also a millennial, and I agree with this as well. There are always going to be people who mess up, regardless of how they are parented. I have so many peers who are self-directed and have done well, and honestly, hearing my older cousins' and parents' friends stories, there are plenty of Gen-Xers and baby boomers who spent their 20s goofing off and being completely directionless. If anything, more of my peers are somewhat pragmatic due to how dismal the job market is these days. Most of the issues with depression I see have to do with completely legitimate worries about finding employment.

Another Millennial here. My XH is like your son OP, only he's 35. It's not a "millennial" thing, it's a "lazy-ass, selfish, dependent man-child who has always had mommy to bail him out (sometimes literally)" thing. They also felt guilty about his "situation" and as a result it is costing them a relationship with their grandchild. I believe they have finally cut XH off financially, but now he has no use for them any more and they only see him about 2x/yr, despite him living in the same small town. They should have cut him off years ago.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if any other parents goes through this but I am so disappointed with my son and so frustrated with him. He definitely didn't turn out how I expected. He's lazy, doesn't work, lives off his baby's mother and always wants us to take care of him. For YEARS I felt guilty about his situation and would help him and give him money, got him jobs, helped him get a car. EVERY weekend I keep his daughter and help her mom with expenses since my son is not working. He is always playing the victim, I'm so sick of it! I mean I've given him the tools he needs to be successful out here, work and take care of his daugther but he still wants somebody to keep catering to him and giving him money. He blames everybody for his problems. I even let him stay with me rent free when him and his girlfriend got evicted. They were there 2 days and got into a physical fight so I made them leave. I'm just beyond frustrated. I've prayed about it over and over and over again, we even tried family counseling but nothing works! He has a daugther who is 2 and he won't even get motivated for her. I'm at my wits end. I'm ready to just cut this relationship off. I feel like he is a loser and I know that's an awful thing to say about your own child but I'm all out of options.

Anonymous wrote:Here's the WaPo story from yesterday's health section. http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/why-are-so-many-millennials-depressed-a-therapist-points-the-finger-at-mom-and-dad/2014/01/06/19f4f1c4-69a1-11e3-8b5b-a77187b716a3_story.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are enabling him and need to stop supporting him. If you'd like to continue supporting the grandchild, I would purchase very specific items (I.e. a case of diapers) and limit babysitting to every once in a while - or, at the most, a regular 2 hours every week.

A single mom needs more than 2 hrs a week of help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a millennial, can we stop blaming this on millennials? I wasn't helicopter parented, but was an only child that received everything. I've worked hard, saved hard and made good choices (went to college and no kids before marriage). There will always be deadbeat men, but we need to force people to work harder and succeed. My parents have always advocated for hand ups not hand outs.

I am also a millennial, and I agree with this as well. There are always going to be people who mess up, regardless of how they are parented. I have so many peers who are self-directed and have done well, and honestly, hearing my older cousins' and parents' friends stories, there are plenty of Gen-Xers and baby boomers who spent their 20s goofing off and being completely directionless. If anything, more of my peers are somewhat pragmatic due to how dismal the job market is these days. Most of the issues with depression I see have to do with completely legitimate worries about finding employment.

Another Millennial here. My XH is like your son OP, only he's 35. It's not a "millennial" thing, it's a "lazy-ass, selfish, dependent man-child who has always had mommy to bail him out (sometimes literally)" thing. They also felt guilty about his "situation" and as a result it is costing them a relationship with their grandchild. I believe they have finally cut XH off financially, but now he has no use for them any more and they only see him about 2x/yr, despite him living in the same small town. They should have cut him off years ago.

Anonymous wrote:You are enabling him and need to stop supporting him. If you'd like to continue supporting the grandchild, I would purchase very specific items (I.e. a case of diapers) and limit babysitting to every once in a while - or, at the most, a regular 2 hours every week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if any other parents goes through this but I am so disappointed with my son and so frustrated with him. He definitely didn't turn out how I expected. He's lazy, doesn't work, lives off his baby's mother and always wants us to take care of him. For YEARS I felt guilty about his situation and would help him and give him money, got him jobs, helped him get a car. EVERY weekend I keep his daughter and help her mom with expenses since my son is not working. He is always playing the victim, I'm so sick of it! I mean I've given him the tools he needs to be successful out here, work and take care of his daugther but he still wants somebody to keep catering to him and giving him money. He blames everybody for his problems. I even let him stay with me rent free when him and his girlfriend got evicted. They were there 2 days and got into a physical fight so I made them leave. I'm just beyond frustrated. I've prayed about it over and over and over again, we even tried family counseling but nothing works! He has a daugther who is 2 and he won't even get motivated for her. I'm at my wits end. I'm ready to just cut this relationship off. I feel like he is a loser and I know that's an awful thing to say about your own child but I'm all out of options.

The answer is, and you probably know this, but you have been enabling him. You need to cut him off (financially any how) so he can figure it out on his own. Help the mother of his child - perhaps with child care if you can swing it so that the mom gets a break- but STOP giving him money and solving his problems for him. He can't grow up unless you do.