Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 16:06     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
I suspect it's because she has the "one-click" option along with the Amazon Prime. When you one-click, it's a one-click, and the item goes to you immediately; it does not give you shipping options. Sounds kind of obvious but if you do it all the time, you forget when it comes to sending someone a gift.

You do have 30 minutes to fix it, but you'd have to realize you blew it within that time frame, and know you have 30 minutes to fix it, and cancel that order and start all over. So she probably didn't realize she blew it, or realized but didn't know she could fix it. The worst interpretation is she realized but decided "oh, well, I'll let the old lady take the present when she comes." Which is lame but not SO bad.

OP many many people are weird about gift-giving, and/or gift-getting, because it's some weird power thing. To accept a gift gracefully you have to be one-down, which, if you are irritated with a person, is hard to be. To give a gift you also have to risk being one-down because the receiver might not like your gift. So it involves a tacit trust on both sides. That's why it's so irritating to exchange gifts when you don't like or trust someone. Or to exchange gifts with someone who has issues on the trust front.

People do all sorts of things to be weird about gifts. They don't wrap--that's classic. They leave the price tag on. They make you come to their house to get it. It's all power dynamics.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:52     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!


Your original post sounded like you were a lot more annoyed regarding the presents and their indirect, untimely arrival. If you're really more upset on behalf of your MIL, it's not really your place to get between her & her daughter. You can offer to say something but unless your MIL says she can't handle this issue herself, I'd stay out of it.

+1 OP made a big production of how much she spends on her niece/nephew, talks about how ahead of the game she is on purchasing gifts, how her child always writes thank yous promptly...blah, blah, blah. Please don't now pretend that you're only real concern is your poor mother-in-law. Give me a break. You're a score keeper, pure and simple. Own it.


Exactly! What I took away from your first post was that your SIL spends less money than you do and the presents are late. Sheesh!
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:41     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
No big deal.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:29     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
It's silly of her and makes little sense to do it that way but let it go, pick your battles. If your MIL is annoyed by it she can take it up w/her own daughter kwim. At least she buys them nice stuff for the birthdays even if it's a bit late. I agree with PP's that you should stay out of it, let it go.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:13     Subject: Re:Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Anonymous wrote:FWIW, when we are all in town together MIL will want the grandchildren girls to get together to go to the mall. We will commit and then SIL never gets back to her. MIL will ask ME to call her to see if I can get a response. MIL will say things to me about SIL doesn't return her call or doesn't let her know what is going on til the last minute. My brother would absolutely call me on the carpet if I did this to my mother, let alone repeatedly. No one says anything like this in their family...just weird.


So the cast of characters is your SIL, who does X to your MIL, and your MIL, who gets annoyed by X.

Why on EARTH are you even contemplating inserting yourself here?
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:12     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!


Your original post sounded like you were a lot more annoyed regarding the presents and their indirect, untimely arrival. If you're really more upset on behalf of your MIL, it's not really your place to get between her & her daughter. You can offer to say something but unless your MIL says she can't handle this issue herself, I'd stay out of it.

+1 OP made a big production of how much she spends on her niece/nephew, talks about how ahead of the game she is on purchasing gifts, how her child always writes thank yous promptly...blah, blah, blah. Please don't now pretend that you're only real concern is your poor mother-in-law. Give me a break. You're a score keeper, pure and simple. Own it.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:07     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
It's strange, but whatever. it might annoy me, but that's because I dislike my SIL and frankly, my default reaction to her crap isa combination of annoyance and amusement (which is an improvement over my previous default reaction, which was rage). But I wouldn't say anything. If MIL complains about having to carry them, the most I would say is "Do you know why SIL doesn't just have them shipped directly to me? Seems like that would be easier." And if my kids said anything, I agree: say, "I don't know why Aunt SIL does it that way. But it was nice of her to buy you a present."
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 15:06     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Anonymous wrote: My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!


Your original post sounded like you were a lot more annoyed regarding the presents and their indirect, untimely arrival. If you're really more upset on behalf of your MIL, it's not really your place to get between her & her daughter. You can offer to say something but unless your MIL says she can't handle this issue herself, I'd stay out of it.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:41     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Let it go and be grateful that she cares about your kids. Obviously, you are organized and comfortable monetarily. She is most likely like myself- just trying to keep on top of the day to day to do list- remembering, shopping and delivering presents to nieces and nephews on time is a lot for some people and it does not mean she loves them less. Quit keeping score; petty of you.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:30     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Yeah, it would bother me too, OP. Not sure how I would handle it. What does your DH say - is this in line with her character? If you don't care otherwise about the relationship, you can say something like "it was confusing for LO to get your b-day gift 6 months later. I sense that exchanging gifts is a burden to you, so let's just skip it from now on, OK? I would not want to inconvenience you in any way."
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:24     Subject: Re:Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
FWIW, when we are all in town together MIL will want the grandchildren girls to get together to go to the mall. We will commit and then SIL never gets back to her. MIL will ask ME to call her to see if I can get a response. MIL will say things to me about SIL doesn't return her call or doesn't let her know what is going on til the last minute. My brother would absolutely call me on the carpet if I did this to my mother, let alone repeatedly. No one says anything like this in their family...just weird.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:22     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
No, you should not be bothered in the least. No, this would not annoy me at all. People do what they want.

When DS asks why Auntie did that shrug and say, "Beats me. But it's nice that she tried, and thought to send anything at all."
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:20     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
It would annoy me a lot.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:20     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Yes, I think it is weird.
It's kind of a no brainer.
People are weird. And cheap. Sometimes they just don't think.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2014 14:18     Subject: Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I could care less if my kids get a gift on time or 12 months late. I care most about the position my mother in law is in. She arrives and says things like, "my bag was heavy" or "I don't have many clothes because I had to carry the presents from X" I don't say anything but feel awkward about it.


You are internalizing someone else's problems, tell MIL, "I don't know why SIL won't ship them. Next time tell her you don't have room."


MIL and my husband don't talk to each other or their family members like that. My MIL would NEVER say that to my SIL (though we would all say that to my family, no problem.)