Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 11:30     Subject: Re:Would you apologize?
OP, confessing your crush wasn't your wrong doing. You would have gotten a pass on that but trying to kiss the guy? What did you do, grabbed is face or did you lunge at him? That is the grossly inappropriate part, drunk or not. Borderline sexual harrassment because trust me, if roles were reversed, your DH would have gone to pound his friend's face for trying to kiss his wife.

There is throwing yourself at some and throwing yourself at someone.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 11:28     Subject: Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:Give OP credit -- she has been honest with her DH all along the way. Send a quick, short and simple text to the guy. The more you talk the more desperate and weird you may come off. You cannot repair it beyond that, except in your next interactions with the guy, where you interact with him in a completely non-sexual way, and behave totally normally.


She gets credit for her honesty - and that's about it.

She tries to get physical with another man at a party where her DH is passed out. If the man had not refused her advances, she likely would have fucked the guy or given him a BJ. Ok - crisis averted. However, she comes in here and instead of asking how she can make things right with her DH - she asks us how she can make things less awkward with the guy she tried to hump. Really? LOL! THAT is the issue she takes from this incident? LOL!!

But I agree with you 100%. If she feels she needs to close the loop with the hump deflector, she should keep it simple.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 11:25     Subject: Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with your husband?

If my wife told me she had tried to have a physical affair with another man, a man who respected ME more than my wife did, I would be livid.



Me too. If he laughed it off, something is not right. In what world is this excessive flirting/making passes/kissing others okay??
I don't care how drunk you were. Would it have been funny to him if you slept with the guy? Gave him a drunken BJ? Let him feel your t**s?
It would have gone farther if your crush hadn't gracefully declined - perhaps you would have seriously cheated on your DH.
Your behavior wasn't "normal", OP, drunk or not. Something is going on with you and you need to figure out what it is. You're human, we all do things we regret. But I think people would have more empathy if you weren't shrugging the incident off and merely trying to save face with your friend. Unless you have an open marriage or a "free pass" from your DH.
As far as your initial question, I probably would send a brief email to your friend apologizing for your drunken, inappropriate behavior and thanking him for being a stand-up gentleman and good friend. And move on.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:52     Subject: Would you apologize?
Give OP credit -- she has been honest with her DH all along the way. Send a quick, short and simple text to the guy. The more you talk the more desperate and weird you may come off. You cannot repair it beyond that, except in your next interactions with the guy, where you interact with him in a completely non-sexual way, and behave totally normally.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:47     Subject: Would you apologize?
I would apologize - to husband in person and sincerely and with an honest assurance that you will rein that in and never let it get out of control again. Then I'd apologize briefly, by email, to the friend. "So sorry for my idiotic behavior on NYE. Thank you for handling it so well. I plan to never put any of us in that situation again." And I'd cc my husband on the email.

I think there is nothing to be lost by very open, sincere apologies - primarily and thoroughly - with your husband. And it wouldn't be bad to put some sober transparency around the relationship with the friend, inclusive of your husband.

That will rob it of some of the drama, any lingering unspoken weirdness, and also offer your husband some respect and assurance. Whether or not he's said that he needs it, it can't feel good to know your spouse behaved this way.

Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:40     Subject: Would you apologize?
What is wrong with your husband?

If my wife told me she had tried to have a physical affair with another man, a man who respected ME more than my wife did, I would be livid.

Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:38     Subject: Re:Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:You just want an excuse to talk to him again. Get some individual therapy. You are a slow but definite train wreck.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:37     Subject: Would you apologize?
yes, apologize to your DH and don't communicate with your crush.

we all have crushes. but you need to accept the fact that your behavior was just inappropriate and you need to fix that with yourself and your DH. don't minimize it by claiming he just laughed it off - you are doing yourself and your marriage a huge disservice.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:30     Subject: Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:lol I should have seen the harshness coming. Is everyone here so perfect? Did you guys stop getting drunk at 22? Never done something you regret? I got drunk on NYE like a large percentage of the adult population. Big deal. What about getting drunk one night says I have a problem with alcohol? Prior to that night I can't recall my last truly drunk night.

Thanks to those who answered decently. I too was worried an apology might make things more awkward or that i was using it as excuse to communicate unnecessarily. To the rest of you who are so worried about my DH and my friends, get your heads out of your asses. Of course my marriage isn't happy and perfect. My DH and I are completely open with each other about everything. I know who his little crushes are, he knows mine. Well my one and only. Our mutual friend who lives 4 hours a way and we see every couple months at best. While there might be many things in my life that would indicate therapy, this isn't one of them.


I understand the harshness becaause your question is misguided. You blow off any potential feelings your DH may have (he laughed it off?) and are agonizing about what the friend thinks. Trust me, your DH thinks more about this than you want to acknowledge and your priority should be working on your marriage and reassuring him. Look at it this way. If your crush had not stopped you, you likely would have been willing and ready to screw him. The saving grace was that he did not want to. No judgment here....I just think your DH's feelings about the incident should be the priority.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:29     Subject: Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:lol I should have seen the harshness coming. Is everyone here so perfect? Did you guys stop getting drunk at 22? Never done something you regret? I got drunk on NYE like a large percentage of the adult population. Big deal. What about getting drunk one night says I have a problem with alcohol? Prior to that night I can't recall my last truly drunk night.

Thanks to those who answered decently. I too was worried an apology might make things more awkward or that i was using it as excuse to communicate unnecessarily. To the rest of you who are so worried about my DH and my friends, get your heads out of your asses. Of course my marriage isn't happy and perfect. My DH and I are completely open with each other about everything. I know who his little crushes are, he knows mine. Well my one and only. Our mutual friend who lives 4 hours a way and we see every couple months at best. While there might be many things in my life that would indicate therapy, this isn't one of them.


OP, there is a huge difference between having to much alcohol in celebration and getting so drunk that you physically throw yourself at a friend with your husband at the same party. That is telling. You have a problem and this should be a wake up call. If you have no respect for your husband have some at least for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:20     Subject: Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:lol I should have seen the harshness coming. Is everyone here so perfect? Did you guys stop getting drunk at 22? Never done something you regret? I got drunk on NYE like a large percentage of the adult population. Big deal. What about getting drunk one night says I have a problem with alcohol? Prior to that night I can't recall my last truly drunk night.

Thanks to those who answered decently. I too was worried an apology might make things more awkward or that i was using it as excuse to communicate unnecessarily. To the rest of you who are so worried about my DH and my friends, get your heads out of your asses. Of course my marriage isn't happy and perfect. My DH and I are completely open with each other about everything. I know who his little crushes are, he knows mine. Well my one and only. Our mutual friend who lives 4 hours a way and we see every couple months at best. While there might be many things in my life that would indicate therapy, this isn't one of them.


good luck with that.

It is easier to try to assassinate our character that to reflect on your own. Nobody was really that harsh. I suspect you don't take criticism well. You are very insecure. Good people make bad decisions, sure, but they don't need to justify thm as much as you do.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:20     Subject: Would you apologize?
As a man, I'm not sure if I would laugh off my wife admitting to a "crush" on another man and then trying to make it physical. Alcohol changes thresholds of inhibition, not the underlying feelings. From the male perspective, I might interpret what happened as your true desire. Maybe I'm insecure compared to others, maybe not.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 10:02     Subject: Would you apologize?
lol I should have seen the harshness coming. Is everyone here so perfect? Did you guys stop getting drunk at 22? Never done something you regret? I got drunk on NYE like a large percentage of the adult population. Big deal. What about getting drunk one night says I have a problem with alcohol? Prior to that night I can't recall my last truly drunk night.

Thanks to those who answered decently. I too was worried an apology might make things more awkward or that i was using it as excuse to communicate unnecessarily. To the rest of you who are so worried about my DH and my friends, get your heads out of your asses. Of course my marriage isn't happy and perfect. My DH and I are completely open with each other about everything. I know who his little crushes are, he knows mine. Well my one and only. Our mutual friend who lives 4 hours a way and we see every couple months at best. While there might be many things in my life that would indicate therapy, this isn't one of them.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 09:59     Subject: Would you apologize?
Oh, please. Getting drunk once in a while is not a big deal. OP, just let it go. Don't make it worse by acknowledging it again.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2014 09:58     Subject: Would you apologize?
Anonymous wrote:Wow this is really sad.


+1