Why do all the kids go for two days?
What do you do during that time?
Don't you miss them?
They are babies,

Actually, I think this is a direct reflection in you and your parenting, not on your in laws at all. The only reason your kids do this is because you allow them to do this. I am sure once one kicks it off they all follow suit. The way you describe it you are looking for your in laws to do something when this is your problem. Additionally, I highly doubt they are disparaging you in front of your kids. Kids that age can't keep secrets much less 4 of them.

By 3 they know what is expected of them. Prep before they do, in the car, when they arrive and reminder when you arrive should do it. Won't happen right away but give it some time. You have a husband who travels and in laws who love your kids enough to have them overnight. Let go of your issues with them (comes through clearly in your post) and even if they pitch a fit for a few minutes be grateful.

Why are all 4 going? Why not split 2 one weekend, and 2 another weekend? That would cut down on the circus of a transition and give you some quiet time with 2 at home and the other 2 would get special time with grandparents.

Doubt that OP is a troll, sounds very genuine. Some PP's - 17.25 - sound quite trollish, or maybe just childish.

OP, I thinks it's ludicrous to allow kids that young to stay regularly at overnight for TWO days!!!
Parent your own kids.

Op here.

I am not a troll. I'm just taking responses with a grain of salt and replying to those I see fit.

I agree with you all that I need to go easier on the kids because of their ages. In the past, I have not bothered with doing anything differently with the situation because I thought their age mattered. I appreciate the feedback from you all that because they are so young is, indeed, a factor to why they act the way that they do.

To the comments about how lucky I am to have family close-- I get this a lot. I know that I am blessed to have family near but once again, they don't want to help when I *need* the help. They want to help when they can have fun. The grass isn't always greener and I know that if we had no family that I would be jealous of those who did. However, nobody truly can understand this situation or the family dynamic with MIL. And yes, to say that she is passive-aggressive is an understatement.

All in all, I play in the sandbox with MIL because I have to be respectful. However, there are things above and beyond this that need to be worked out with the in laws. Again, though, I have to pick and choose my battles. I will talk to MIL about helping me when I get there and see how it goes. Thank you for your replies.

Look, most grandparents are great, but certainly not all.

I smell a troll.
OP: Stop being a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know for a fact that your MIL despises you and you allow your children to stay at her home?! Given their behavior to you after one of their visits, she is likely disparaging you to your children and manipulating the situation to put you in the worst possible light and her in the best. Nothing is free and you should not leave your children in her care unless you want your parenting sabotaged.

Evidence? She'd hear about this from the kids. Paranoia creeping in.

No. OP's kids are very young and impressionable. Grandma can tell such a young child anything and said the right way can be made to be between them and her. Trust me, I have first hand experience dealing with this.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know for a fact that your MIL despises you and you allow your children to stay at her home?! Given their behavior to you after one of their visits, she is likely disparaging you to your children and manipulating the situation to put you in the worst possible light and her in the best. Nothing is free and you should not leave your children in her care unless you want your parenting sabotaged.

Evidence? She'd hear about this from the kids. Paranoia creeping in.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know for a fact that your MIL despises you and you allow your children to stay at her home?! Given their behavior to you after one of their visits, she is likely disparaging you to your children and manipulating the situation to put you in the worst possible light and her in the best. Nothing is free and you should not leave your children in her care unless you want your parenting sabotaged.

This is what I was thinking.

So sick of these .... hate the grandparents posts.
Your kids are watching. And you will someday be grandparents to their kids.
You will get as good as you give.

Ask grandparents to please have all the stuff packed up, and help walk the kids out to the car.
Do you think there's some passive-aggressive behavior on their part?

You and DH need to put your big girl panties and actually TALK to your in laws about this. Maybe it's that your MIL is a bitch and secretly relishes causing you trouble. Maybe it's that she doesn't want to step on your toes, so to speak. Whatever the reason, you want know until you ask her. It's a good thing that it's happening to your DH too, because it makes it easier for you to present a united front to your in laws and they can't claim you're making things up. Both of you should sit them down and address this.

You've got 4 kids and enough on your plate as it is. I would only stop visits as a last resort. Even if it's only when mil wants to do something fun, at least you are getting what sounds like a well deserved break. If you can, just schedule things you need to do around when the kids are over there.

OP, sorry but you sound incredibly ungrateful and incredibly unrealistic about the dynamics of young kids. Fwiw, we don't have a single family member who is well enough to take care of our kids, and in 10 years of parenting, we've never had the opportunity to leave them with anyone. I can't imagine getting annoyed at grandparents who are willing and capable of taking a gaggle of toddlers for multiple days simply because the kids fuss at the goodbye.

Here's the bottom line: Your kids are babies, essentially, they are going to have tantrums when they have to make transitions. That's what little kids do. Even first-graders. Deal with it - find incentives to get them out quickly or just roll with the antics a bit since it's not really a big deal. Don't blame your MIL or deprive your kids (and yourself!) of grandparent time because it comes with a little drama.