Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:40     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:I know a girl with 2 dads, I think she's 12 or 13. She seems very well adjusted, knows her family situation is not the same as her friends, but she's also adopted so her situation would have been a little different than her friends anyway.

I'm wondering how the dads are doing now that she's in the tween/teen stage. It has to be hard on them and hard on her not having a mom there to answer questions she might have about her body and how it changes etc. I'm not sure either one of them can help her with this even if one of them is more feminine than the other.
In cases like this I think having some kind of maternal figure in her life would be ideal. She will learn some things from her friends, but that's bound to be misleading in a lot of areas.


This problem isn't limited to two-dad families, though. I grew up in a very conservative household and not once did my mother ever discuss any "female " issues with me. But for a brief info session at school (which my mother almost didn't let me attend), I would have been totally unprepared for changes to my body. If she can learn from her friends, she can learn the basics from her dads, too.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:37     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So many gender roles are taught this way. In a way that the occasional visit from uncle, aunt, grandpa, our neighbor doesn't deeply satisfy it. Our neighbors are lesbians raising two boys. They cling to my husband when he comes over, because they are so hungry to just see male behavior from a father figure. Their grandfather visits regularly. but they honestly find my husband more compelling.. The boys mother is very handy and fix most stuff on her own, but again- I think it's just a hunger to be around other men. When they come over to play, they spend much of their time following my husband around. I am not pathologizing any of this, and I know that their mothers love them very much. I just see there is a hole to be filled there that no one is acknowledging in this conversation.


So, to summarize, the cute lesbians who live down the street (the ones that let you feel so proud of how tolerant you are), one of whom is, in your eyes, typically "male" because she is "handy", are raising two boys, and despite all of the studies that were just cited, you just know there's something missing in their lives because they follow your husband around.

My sister, her husband, and their three boys live here, too, and I see them several times a week. Whenever I'm at their house, all three of them cling to me and compete for my attention because that's a normal thing for kids to do. I wonder what you'd think is missing in their lives?


The only possible explanation is that your sister occasionally fixes things around the house so they have no true female role model.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 11:14     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Too bad you don't have many friends like this. I know a gay couple with an adopted daughter who is bright, well adjusted, etc and it's a wonder to see how she's grown up from a VERY shy little girl.

I'm sure there are good and bad gay parent just as there are straight ones.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 09:43     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So many gender roles are taught this way. In a way that the occasional visit from uncle, aunt, grandpa, our neighbor doesn't deeply satisfy it. Our neighbors are lesbians raising two boys. They cling to my husband when he comes over, because they are so hungry to just see male behavior from a father figure. Their grandfather visits regularly. but they honestly find my husband more compelling.. The boys mother is very handy and fix most stuff on her own, but again- I think it's just a hunger to be around other men. When they come over to play, they spend much of their time following my husband around. I am not pathologizing any of this, and I know that their mothers love them very much. I just see there is a hole to be filled there that no one is acknowledging in this conversation.


So, to summarize, the cute lesbians who live down the street (the ones that let you feel so proud of how tolerant you are), one of whom is, in your eyes, typically "male" because she is "handy", are raising two boys, and despite all of the studies that were just cited, you just know there's something missing in their lives because they follow your husband around.

My sister, her husband, and their three boys live here, too, and I see them several times a week. Whenever I'm at their house, all three of them cling to me and compete for my attention because that's a normal thing for kids to do. I wonder what you'd think is missing in their lives?


I think having regular interaction with a male that demonstrates societal gender roles is what is missing in their lives. If RGIII showed up they would chase him down the street, too. Sure, one partner is more butch and one is more femme- but I don't think anyone should take offense to this observation as this is pretty common to human pairing regardless of sexual orientation- polarity just happens. You also assume I am some pearl clutcher that has never had a gay or lesbian friend in my life and I just hold my neighbors up as "my lesbian friends". I will cop to some institutionalized homophobia- I think everyone has some, and I will own mine. I also think as much as we would like to think gender roles aren't an equation in life, they just are. I have observed in my life that kids raised by two genders tend to be more confident and socially astute. I guess I am demon who just patronizes and dismisses lesbians piecemeal for not saying its an ideal relationship to raise boys.


But what are those, really? I'm a straight woman married to a man. I do all the house and car repairs, yard work, etc. My husband does all the cooking. We share cleaning. Both of us are nurturing and affectionate. Not stereotypical gender roles. But not uncommon today. I don't think those gender roles matter much anymore. Values like kindness and teamwork matter more.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 09:39     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So many gender roles are taught this way. In a way that the occasional visit from uncle, aunt, grandpa, our neighbor doesn't deeply satisfy it. Our neighbors are lesbians raising two boys. They cling to my husband when he comes over, because they are so hungry to just see male behavior from a father figure. Their grandfather visits regularly. but they honestly find my husband more compelling.. The boys mother is very handy and fix most stuff on her own, but again- I think it's just a hunger to be around other men. When they come over to play, they spend much of their time following my husband around. I am not pathologizing any of this, and I know that their mothers love them very much. I just see there is a hole to be filled there that no one is acknowledging in this conversation.


So, to summarize, the cute lesbians who live down the street (the ones that let you feel so proud of how tolerant you are), one of whom is, in your eyes, typically "male" because she is "handy", are raising two boys, and despite all of the studies that were just cited, you just know there's something missing in their lives because they follow your husband around.

My sister, her husband, and their three boys live here, too, and I see them several times a week. Whenever I'm at their house, all three of them cling to me and compete for my attention because that's a normal thing for kids to do. I wonder what you'd think is missing in their lives?


I think having regular interaction with a male that demonstrates societal gender roles is what is missing in their lives. If RGIII showed up they would chase him down the street, too. Sure, one partner is more butch and one is more femme- but I don't think anyone should take offense to this observation as this is pretty common to human pairing regardless of sexual orientation- polarity just happens. You also assume I am some pearl clutcher that has never had a gay or lesbian friend in my life and I just hold my neighbors up as "my lesbian friends". I will cop to some institutionalized homophobia- I think everyone has some, and I will own mine. I also think as much as we would like to think gender roles aren't an equation in life, they just are. I have observed in my life that kids raised by two genders tend to be more confident and socially astute. I guess I am demon who just patronizes and dismisses lesbians piecemeal for not saying its an ideal relationship to raise boys.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:37     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:I do think there is value in having parents of two genders to learn how to behave with people of both genders, and although these studies are compelling, I do think something is missing when children don't live with both genders. This goes for hetero single parents as well. I think humanity figured this out early on and this is why marriage was structured the way it is, to maximize development of children.

So many gender roles are taught this way. In a way that the occasional visit from uncle, aunt, grandpa, our neighbor doesn't deeply satisfy it. Our neighbors are lesbians raising two boys. They cling to my husband when he comes over, because they are so hungry to just see male behavior from a father figure. Their grandfather visits regularly. but they honestly find my husband more compelling.. The boys mother is very handy and fix most stuff on her own, but again- I think it's just a hunger to be around other men. When they come over to play, they spend much of their time following my husband around. I am not pathologizing any of this, and I know that their mothers love them very much. I just see there is a hole to be filled there that no one is acknowledging in this conversation.


So your astute observations of one particular situation and the obviously brilliant conclusions you've drawn demonstrate that kids with same sex parents are lacking something in their life.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:33     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
8:27 here I am NOT saying they are bad parents at all, quite the opposite in fact. But there will be areas where two dads might lack some of the personal experience to help her through a difficult time, like puberty. This would be the same situation if there was no mom in the picture for other reasons.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:33     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Yes, having different genitalia is really all it takes to be good parents. Good for you.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:32     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
I don't know, whenever I hear of a kid that is f'ed up in some way--drugs, truancy, promiscuity, etc. they are almost all from divorced families. Not that bad stuff doesn't happen to kids in two parent homes, but divorce really seems to be a game changer for many kids.
Love and stability seem to be the most important.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:27     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
I know a girl with 2 dads, I think she's 12 or 13. She seems very well adjusted, knows her family situation is not the same as her friends, but she's also adopted so her situation would have been a little different than her friends anyway.

I'm wondering how the dads are doing now that she's in the tween/teen stage. It has to be hard on them and hard on her not having a mom there to answer questions she might have about her body and how it changes etc. I'm not sure either one of them can help her with this even if one of them is more feminine than the other.

In cases like this I think having some kind of maternal figure in her life would be ideal. She will learn some things from her friends, but that's bound to be misleading in a lot of areas.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:22     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
I know a lot of adults who had at least one gay parent. A lot. They are all pretty normal. I know a couple whose gay parent has since married, but that again is with adult children since gay marriage is so new. Again, normal.

And now I know a lot of kids about 14 and younger being raised by gay couples. I don't see any differences from other kids. But I think it's easier to fit in, in larger urban areas like this. If they were living in Selma Alabama -- Might be much harder.

Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:10     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:I disagree completely with OP, but even if you feel that way -
These are kids who are either:
1. Adopted, so "even" being adopted by a gay couple or single person is surely better than shuffling between foster homes;
2. Born to a couple, in which case, again, 2 parents are theoretically "better" than 1, right? And plenty of kids have just one heterosexual parent in their lives.

So, basically, get over it. And maybe mind your own business...


They could also be born through in vitro/surrogacy to a single gay person, but seriously - a loving parent is what a child needs, and there's no guarantee that any couple who has a child will end up staying together anyway.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:10     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote:So many gender roles are taught this way. In a way that the occasional visit from uncle, aunt, grandpa, our neighbor doesn't deeply satisfy it. Our neighbors are lesbians raising two boys. They cling to my husband when he comes over, because they are so hungry to just see male behavior from a father figure. Their grandfather visits regularly. but they honestly find my husband more compelling.. The boys mother is very handy and fix most stuff on her own, but again- I think it's just a hunger to be around other men. When they come over to play, they spend much of their time following my husband around. I am not pathologizing any of this, and I know that their mothers love them very much. I just see there is a hole to be filled there that no one is acknowledging in this conversation.


So, to summarize, the cute lesbians who live down the street (the ones that let you feel so proud of how tolerant you are), one of whom is, in your eyes, typically "male" because she is "handy", are raising two boys, and despite all of the studies that were just cited, you just know there's something missing in their lives because they follow your husband around.

My sister, her husband, and their three boys live here, too, and I see them several times a week. Whenever I'm at their house, all three of them cling to me and compete for my attention because that's a normal thing for kids to do. I wonder what you'd think is missing in their lives?
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:09     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
I disagree completely with OP, but even if you feel that way -
These are kids who are either:
1. Adopted, so "even" being adopted by a gay couple or single person is surely better than shuffling between foster homes;
2. Born to a couple, in which case, again, 2 parents are theoretically "better" than 1, right? And plenty of kids have just one heterosexual parent in their lives.

So, basically, get over it. And maybe mind your own business...
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2013 08:00     Subject: Children of gay/lesbian couples
Anonymous wrote: So many gender roles are taught this way.


Some people do not see a need for roles based on physical characteristics.