Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. You have your own child now. From now on you stay home for Christmas.

Thanks. Traditions are so important to my DH. I tried to get him to change it to open some presents te night before, but he threw a fit. I told him every time we come down again we have to do a two family dinner. That way both families feel less left out.

I really like his family for the most part, I do. But their lack of empathy for us in our situation is insane.

Great. Now he needs to grow up and realize that he is married with a child, and it's time to start his own family traditions that don't necessarily include his mommy and daddy and bratty little sister.

OP, please heed this. Husband needs to grow up. You say he "threw a fit" when you asked about opening SOME presents a little early. What a mature and thoughtful reaction on his part, right? He needs to realize that his family is now you and your child first and foremost and his childhood traditions take a back seat to that -- forever, from now on. These things don't usually come out of the blue, and I wonder -- if you really think it through, does he also have ties to the old apron strings in other ways at other times?

I think he and you need to plan next Christmas without any changing houses ON Christmas Day, period, and he needs to be taking your side -- the side of his family which is you, him and baby -- whenever his MIL and SIL are immature and treat you stupidly. Does SIL have kids? Does she know what it's like to be up with a baby while sick yourself? She and MIL sound like there's a maturity issue there (they kept you there despite knowing full well that you had a specific departure time AND knowing you were sick) and it sounds like husband has the same issue. Time for everyone to calm down, grow up and for him to grow a pair as well.

OP, our families are on opposite coasts, so I've never tried to split a holiday. But I know about making ILs unhappy with the formula for celebrating. At a certain point, I just stopped feeling angst/guilt about it all. We are very unbalanced in our time with family, mostly because of the cost/convenience advantages of my MA-based family over his CA-based family (and then, need - after one of my parents died.) I used to try really hard to keep things even. Then when #2 arrived, with some health issues, and our house had not enough space for my ILs to come for 2 weeks at a time, I just let it go. They do complain when I talk to them, but it just rolls off me. I wish I had the luxury to indulge their every wish, but unfortunately that's not the case, and I can't do any more than I currently do. It's kind of a liberating feeling, and I highly recommend it - don't wait till you've got two kids to give yourself permission to do what is right for your family.

If MIL and SIL act like brats when you go out of your way for them, don't go out of your way anymore. Don't go. They should have bent over backwards for you, not gotten angry with you. And you had to grovel and promise to return later in the week? I'd cancel and tell them you won't be back due to their childish and manipulative behavior.

In future years can you consider spending all of Christmas Day with one family? That is what we have done every year of our marriage - no switching houses on Christmas Day. We usually see the other family on the 26th and we alternate years between families, with flexibility for special situations. It works forus because we aren't rushing and trying to fit two families' schedules together. I also know families who have moved the entire extended family celebration to the weekend before.

Anonymous wrote:So you spend an evening and a morning with DH's family but you spent most of the morning in bed - so the plans that DHs family had for the morning didn't happen or had to be rushed into a short time span. Then you spend 2.5 days with your family?

Why don't you split your time half and half?

I think part of the issue here is that you traveled with a new born - very ambitious, and also that you don't split time equally, and that DH's family gets very little time.

Lots of families carry on traditions so I don't think that DH wanting to open gifts on Christmas day is a bad thing.

It just seems like poor planning all around.

Can you read? She spent FOUR days with husband's family. She was out of bed by 8am, not spending the morning in bed.

So you spend an evening and a morning with DH's family but you spent most of the morning in bed - so the plans that DHs family had for the morning didn't happen or had to be rushed into a short time span. Then you spend 2.5 days with your family?

Why don't you split your time half and half?

I think part of the issue here is that you traveled with a new born - very ambitious, and also that you don't split time equally, and that DH's family gets very little time.

Lots of families carry on traditions so I don't think that DH wanting to open gifts on Christmas day is a bad thing.

It just seems like poor planning all around.

Thanks all. My DH has come around, and his family told me to lay down, but I knew we would nEver leave if I didn't keep packing and moving things along. I just am so mad at how MIL and SIL reacted. I even told MIL that we could come back later in the week and do stockings and a visit, she was stil pissed. yup. In the future I expect to have thanksgiving with one fam and Christmas with another.

And we only came for Xmas bc we didn't travel for thanksgiving (DD arrived before thanksgiving). Trust me I'd much rather avoid this cluster, I was rooting to stay home!!

I completely agree that this isn't just about this holiday. DH's family is manipulative and self-centered and can't deal with the reality that kids require flexibility. DH is following this pattern. This is going to be a big problem in every area of your lives for as long as you have a child together. Figure this out in therapy. NOW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made him get up and help change her. But he can fall
Right back asleep. Baby slept okay, just had to feed an change her. I was sick and I couldn't fall back asleep.

I guess she expected us to be up and downstairs at 7 (but we were never told a time). I was up, but baby was sleeping and couldn't be left alone (I knew shed wake up screaming and hungry). So I had to wait to feed her. We were down by 8.

So the only child in the house was a newborn infant and grown adults were expected to begin opening presents at 7am??? Is that correct?

Yes

That's insane.

I'm actually surprised that, given you have a newborn, you even traveled over Christmas but then I haven't been in that situation. My kid was born during the summer. But I'm amazed that the rest of the family isn't cutting you a break. You're sick and you're the parents of a newborn which is quite exhausting and they're all expecting you to adhere to their schedule?