Hey, OP, it seems you have boundaries issues.

You need to make it clear to your family that putting you down is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

But a Chrismas miracle happened, and my mom chipped her front tooth. So she kept very quet and did not smile much. My boyfriend said to my mom that I look exactly like her.

Tee-hee! Glad it worked out OP! Hope things turn out well with your boyfriend!

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas! OP here. Well, I totally chickened out and did not speak with my boyfriend beforehand. It's much easier to admit that I have self esteem issues on an anonymous thread, then to someone I really like. But a Chrismas miracle happened, and my mom chipped her front tooth. So she kept very quet and did not smile much. My boyfriend said to my mom that I look exactly like her. She literally turned red when she heard that. My sisters usually follow her lead and because she stayed quiet so did they. Over all it was a pleasant night. I am very grateful to everyone for your words of encouragement. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on some of our family issues and dynamics.

Yea! Love this!

Merry Christmas! OP here. Well, I totally chickened out and did not speak with my boyfriend beforehand. It's much easier to admit that I have self esteem issues on an anonymous thread, then to someone I really like. But a Chrismas miracle happened, and my mom chipped her front tooth. So she kept very quet and did not smile much. My boyfriend said to my mom that I look exactly like her. She literally turned red when she heard that. My sisters usually follow her lead and because she stayed quiet so did they. Over all it was a pleasant night. I am very grateful to everyone for your words of encouragement. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on some of our family issues and dynamics.

Be sure to post an update OP! Merry Christmas!

Remember: haters gonna hate. Don't get sucked into their nonsense. I find that the best response to crazy comments is just to pause for a few seconds, say "okay" and then either leave or change the subject.

OP, they can help themselves, they just don't want to. I guarantee they don't talk this way to their co-workers, the lady at the nail salon, their best friends, or each other. They've been taught they can pick on you, and you allow it to continue by putting up with it. Is there anyone else in the WORLD that could treat you this way and you would continue to visit them over and over? Forget worrying about your potential daughter - take care of YOURSELF and the beautiful daughter that YOU are. Say "enough." Tell them that if one word about your weight, or one negative comment comes out of their mouths, you will stand up and walk out. And that it will be two months before they'll see you again. Rinse, repeat.

Only you can put an end to this. They are obviously terrible people - no changing them except by force!

My mother does this stuff. Calling her out immediately usually turns into a dramatic ordeal or yelling, but she usually stops saying that specific thing to me.

Talking to her about it calmy ends in yelling with no change in behavior.

Anonymous wrote:1) your bf knows your body size already, knows its assets, knows its limitations, and chooses you.

2) nothing your asshole mother and harpy sisters will say will change his impression of your body. He is attracted to you physically or he would not be with you.

3) it's so, so normal to have a fucked up family. The good news is, yours is not entirely toxic. You have a great dad.

4) this is a chance for you to get closer to your bf, to be a team of allies against the Axis of Assholery in your family. Tell him that your mom and sisters have abused and harassed you for years and thy you dread spending time with them. Tell him the worst things they've said to you over the years ahead of time.

5) their abuse will make them look bad, not you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. If you rise above it, you make yourself look stronger. He can be impressed by your resilience. But if you cower, it's your reaction that will look pathetic or sad....it may make him pity rather than admire you. You can solicit his empathy without pity.

I love the idea above about you and bf doing rimming out-loud commentary on the toxic shit they say. You could play Axis of Asshole Bingo or something. Or just comment out loud, "hey, you said they'd say that!" "Bingo!" "Seriously, I did not believe you that they'd actually say that, and they did!" In front of them. It would be epic.

Love this! Especially the bolded!

1) your bf knows your body size already, knows its assets, knows its limitations, and chooses you.

2) nothing your asshole mother and harpy sisters will say will change his impression of your body. He is attracted to you physically or he would not be with you.

3) it's so, so normal to have a fucked up family. The good news is, yours is not entirely toxic. You have a great dad.

4) this is a chance for you to get closer to your bf, to be a team of allies against the Axis of Assholery in your family. Tell him that your mom and sisters have abused and harassed you for years and thy you dread spending time with them. Tell him the worst things they've said to you over the years ahead of time.

5) their abuse will make them look bad, not you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. If you rise above it, you make yourself look stronger. He can be impressed by your resilience. But if you cower, it's your reaction that will look pathetic or sad....it may make him pity rather than admire you. You can solicit his empathy without pity.

I love the idea above about you and bf doing rimming out-loud commentary on the toxic shit they say. You could play Axis of Asshole Bingo or something. Or just comment out loud, "hey, you said they'd say that!" "Bingo!" "Seriously, I did not believe you that they'd actually say that, and they did!" In front of them. It would be epic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about actually sitting them both down and telling them how hurtful they have been to you? Tell them how you feel about their behavior. It may take a while for them to stop, but every time they say something please call them on it.

This is bullshit. They know exactly what they're doing. The problem is not that no one has gotten around to spelling out how inappropriate and nasty this behavior is.

OP here, I have spoken to them a gazillion times about this. They just can't help themselves. I think very early in our family two camps formed, my dad and I, and my mom and sisters. I think because I was in the " other" camp they have very little in common with me so the only thing they can say to me is something negative. It's either talking about my weight or the weather and my weight is more entertaining to them. Whenever I ask them to shut up or stop being hurtful they say something like: You were always a very defensive child or grow thicker skin or if not your family, who else will tell you the truth. My oldest sister made me cover my arms and shoulders in her wedding pictures, because she felt I was too fat compared to the other bridesmaids. When I brought this up with her she said I did not love her enough to lose the excess weight for her wedding. My concern is that if I marry again and have kids, especially daughters, they will be exposed to the same toxicity. I do not want my children end up with my body issues. I'd hate to be estranged from my mom but it may be the only thing that will get through to her.

Anonymous wrote:How about actually sitting them both down and telling them how hurtful they have been to you? Tell them how you feel about their behavior. It may take a while for them to stop, but every time they say something please call them on it.

This is bullshit. They know exactly what they're doing. The problem is not that no one has gotten around to spelling out how inappropriate and nasty this behavior is.

Anonymous wrote:If you do decide to go (I think you should skip it) talk to your boyfriend in advance about the issues to have and how you would like to deal with it and how he can be helpful in that. Don't just wait and see what he does--you'll be on tenterhooks anyway waiting for them to say something offensive and hurtful. The two of you can be proactive about it and practice working as a team.

+1. your boyfriend should know in advance what is likely going to happen, or he will be surprised and would not know how to react and feel very ackward. don't be so defensive. you have nothing to be embarrassed. your mother and sisters should be embarrassed!

OP: ((((((((((((((((((((((big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You have every right to take charge of your life as YOU see fit.

Remember others are flawed also... Their flaws are on the inside, where it matters most.

Work on your own inner flaws with compassion. It will help you remember how to be compassionate with others whose priorities are all f***ed up.

Its your life. Make it your own.

Enjoy every precious moment!

-A Stranger