Anonymous
12/22/2013 22:00
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
Anonymous wrote:Maybe your MIL is easily tired, or has health issues that you don't know about.
That's what I was thinking. If you have arthritis or back pain or hip pain, tying a shoe, scrubbing the pot, or bending down to load the dishwasher is harder than you think.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:55
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
I want everyone out of my kitchen...I need a break from all of you. I get that break while I clean up and I take my sweet time doing it.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:52
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
We don't expect the older generation to do the house chores when visiting for the holidays. We too tell them to relax and the two younger generations (us, siblings and our children) do the work. We are hosting them - if you are not hosting but rather offering room and board in exchange for labor - just make that clear before they come.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:49
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
Maybe your MIL is easily tired, or has health issues that you don't know about.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:42
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
I don't have a mil (deceased) but my mom acts like she's the queen. She never lifts a finger. But then again, when we were kids she didn't either. Me and my siblings always cleared the table and did the dishes. I think my grandmother did everything for her so she expected that of us. It annoys my sister to this day. I have come to grips with her ways so it is what it is.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:41
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
My inlaws take your glasses and put them in dishwasher before you're done using them. And MIL wraps up every scrap of food and puts it in the freezer. Yuk!
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:31
Subject: Re:You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
I've always had people help. I even had a friend who recently vacuumed up the rice that the kids spilled everywhere!
My dad (who has always been oblivious) automatically does all of the dishes since retirement. It's really awesome.
Maybe you can ask, "I'm really exhausted hosting. Would everyone mind helping with the cleanup tonight?" It's honest but not rude.
My dad (who has always been oblivious) automatically does all of the dishes since retirement. It's really awesome.
Maybe you can ask, "I'm really exhausted hosting. Would everyone mind helping with the cleanup tonight?" It's honest but not rude.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 21:20
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
My mom and MIL often do the dishes (usually while DH and I are putting kids to bed). I don't do the dishes at my in laws house because she gets very twitchy about other people in her kitchen. But DH will cook or we'll pay for takeout at least one night.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:38
Subject: Re:You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
Anonymous wrote:In my growing up family, the person who hosted would do all of the dishes. No help from anyone at all. Ever. It was considered offensive to offer - like you thought the host could not manage to actually host the event. In my house, I appreciate the offers of help, but I always decline them. My mother never once offered to help, which is no surprise given her view on hosting. When we visit my MIL, I do all of the clean up - she is getting to be elderly and I am really appreciative that she cooks for my kids - they love her food. But, I don't want her to have to shoulder the burden of cleaning up. When we visit others, I help my kids offer to help in meaningful ways and I assist/supervise them. I think the way my family did things is normal for a certain set of people, but universally, I think most guests offer to help.
Thanks! This perspective is helpful.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:29
Subject: Re:You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
In my growing up family, the person who hosted would do all of the dishes. No help from anyone at all. Ever. It was considered offensive to offer - like you thought the host could not manage to actually host the event. In my house, I appreciate the offers of help, but I always decline them. My mother never once offered to help, which is no surprise given her view on hosting. When we visit my MIL, I do all of the clean up - she is getting to be elderly and I am really appreciative that she cooks for my kids - they love her food. But, I don't want her to have to shoulder the burden of cleaning up. When we visit others, I help my kids offer to help in meaningful ways and I assist/supervise them. I think the way my family did things is normal for a certain set of people, but universally, I think most guests offer to help.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:27
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
I'm pretty direct. I would just say, "thanks barb, and if there are any other glasses on the table would you mind bringing them in while I'm loading the dishwasher?"
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:25
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP sounds lazy.
Yup, I'm lazy. I've shopped and prepped for 6 days of meals for my in laws. Cleaned the house from top to bottom and have kept up with the kitchen 80% of the time. That makes sense.
And I know someone will say that I'm acting like a martyr. I'm not. I'm not dwelling on this at home, or asking for accolades. I'm just irritated and was curious what happens in others families.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:24
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
Anonymous wrote:OP sounds lazy.
Yup, I'm lazy. I've shopped and prepped for 6 days of meals for my in laws. Cleaned the house from top to bottom and have kept up with the kitchen 80% of the time. That makes sense.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:22
Subject: You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
OP sounds lazy.
Anonymous
12/22/2013 20:20
Subject: Re:You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
Anonymous wrote:Why are you only focusing on your MIL and giving your FIL a pass? He should help out too.
+ 1,000
OP is sexist. Tsk, tsk.
