My DH has a female best friend from childhood. They never dated (I checked around) and they were raised like cousins (their families were best friends). When we first started dating, he introduced us. I balked at the situation, but he told me clearly that they had no romantic interest in each other, she was like family and he would not cut her off to prove a point to me. I gave it a try and, 20 years later, I am glad that I did. She and her husband are great friends to our family and our marriage.

I have a slightly different take on the situation.

I actually would be less worried about lust/sex and more concerned that he considers another woman his best friend instead of me.

Honestly, if your husband or wife isn't your best friend, then that's a problem.

And it would concern me if my husband was closer with another woman than he was with me.

My experience has been that the guys who have lots of female friends are flirty guys who will never be content with one woman. He may not ever cross the line with physical intimacy, but I'm not sure that that's the only thing that matters.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else want to report on how their BF/DH relates to his female friends?

Mine is SUPER LOYAL to me and honorable, so I trust him and I'm generally easy-going, but sometimes I wonder at the nature of platonic love. Because my BF is an attractive, desirable man with a lot of female friends who are also attractive and desirable - and they are good women and have no intention of crossing the line with him, I know that. My BF feels a pretty intense platonic/friendship love for some of them.

Now, I feel this sometimes for a couple of my male friends, so I don't mind that he feels it for his female friends. I just wonder if this is common, or if it leads to problems, or just how it gets separated from lust/the possibility of romantic feelings down the line, and how many men have those kind of close, warm, deeply affectionate friendships with attractive female friends.

No
Yes
It usually doesn't
None that I know of who are actually married and in real relationships

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I know lots of examples of men cheating with women much less attractive than their wives

god all the time

variety is often more important than absolute quality

Oh, I know lots of examples of men cheating with women much less attractive than their wives

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I would NOT be ok if my DH had close friendships with attractive women. Ugly women maybe, but not attractive women. Men are men. They can't just be platonic with attractive women.

Men have been known to fuck ugly women.

Exactly. I just posted about my ex fucking his unattractive friend (think 300 lbs).

Anonymous wrote:Something men have these friendships and some don't.

I pretty much have learned that I cant deal with dating someone who has extremely close "platonic" friendships with attractive women his age. Work buddies who go out to lunch sometimes, fine. But super close, no.

So I steer clear of these guys. Twice I have been uneasy about close female "friends" and both times it turned out I was right to be.

Some men who have these close friendships are flirty types who crave opposite sex attention. I just don't like that personality type.

One of my ex'es is like this. And after we broke up and he was involved with someone else he continued to be sort of flirty with me. I ignored the flirty part and we did stay friends but if we ever got back together not sure I would actually trust him, have to admit...

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I would NOT be ok if my DH had close friendships with attractive women. Ugly women maybe, but not attractive women. Men are men. They can't just be platonic with attractive women.

Men have been known to fuck ugly women.

Sorry, I would NOT be ok if my DH had close friendships with attractive women. Ugly women maybe, but not attractive women. Men are men. They can't just be platonic with attractive women.

Anonymous wrote:Guys don't have friendships like women. Either he is gay or wants to boink his "friends". But, I am not buying his story...

I just asked my husband, and his answer is yes, if his name is Mr. Spock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends wife ruined our friendship because of her jealousy now I am relegated to a mere Facebook friend. We haven't even received acknowledgement of the fact that we had a baby this year. So sad. I really liked her initially but now I hate that bitch. I miss my friend, he was awesome.

That sucks. My male BFF and I have both been accused by our previous partners of secretly wanting the other. We spent many years single at the same time, so its not like there wouldn't have been ample opportunity to make something of it (eww). He's like family and my fam looks at him that way. I've had two exes try to get me to end the friendship and vice versa. Fortunately, his current GF totally gets that I don't want him and I'm confident that neither of us will allow a spouse to end the friendships. I get ending it if you've dated before and neither of us expects to be made a priority over a SO/spouse.

I think those phony friendships where people call themselves friends but are really backup plans give opposite-sex friendships a bad rep.

i forgot to add that my ex who hated my male BFF slept with his female BFF before we met. i found out later in the relationship. his justification used to be that she wasn't attractive (she wasn't) and that he would've made her his GF if she were. he claimed that men can't have attractive friends, but clearly unattractive friends weren't off the table for him either. so i do agree that some people are projecting their own insecurities.

Guys don't have friendships like women. Either he is gay or wants to boink his "friends". But, I am not buying his story...

Anonymous wrote:My best friends wife ruined our friendship because of her jealousy now I am relegated to a mere Facebook friend. We haven't even received acknowledgement of the fact that we had a baby this year. So sad. I really liked her initially but now I hate that bitch. I miss my friend, he was awesome.

That sucks. My male BFF and I have both been accused by our previous partners of secretly wanting the other. We spent many years single at the same time, so its not like there wouldn't have been ample opportunity to make something of it (eww). He's like family and my fam looks at him that way. I've had two exes try to get me to end the friendship and vice versa. Fortunately, his current GF totally gets that I don't want him and I'm confident that neither of us will allow a spouse to end the friendships. I get ending it if you've dated before and neither of us expects to be made a priority over a SO/spouse.

I think those phony friendships where people call themselves friends but are really backup plans give opposite-sex friendships a bad rep.

men dont get anything from a woman in a platonic sense that they can't get from another man

there are no good reasons to be friends with a woman besides flirtation and keeping options open

i'm a man.

if your bf/dh has close female friends its because he has feelings for them of some kind

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Guilty minds are suspicious minds.

NP. It doesn't matter that it was after. I assume the BF of the first pp you quoted probably told her he had no attraction to the friend and he would never be interested in a girl like that, yada yada yada.

No idea, probably. But honestly: even if he is attracted to her, what does it matter if he's not pursuing a relationship with her. My SIL and BIL were "just friends" in college - they both were with other people who turned out to be less than wonderful (SIL's BF cheated, BIL's GF dumped him) and these two friends subsequently got together. It's Post-Hoc.

Anonymous wrote:My ex-BF had one of those friends. He assured me they were just friends and she wasn't his type. They were in grad school together (we were long distance at this point) and they would study together a lot. We broke up eventually. They are now married.

That does suck, but it's not exactly the same situation - you were in an LDR and he was spending a lot of up close and personal contact time. Plus, again, you say you broke up first? Did you break up over her? Or did he say there was nothing and then dump you when he was ready to switch? I'm not making light of your situation, and I do question both men and women who have close opposite sex friends, particularly if they don't have close same sex friends - I don't really think men and women can be "just friends" if there is any possibility of romantic potential.