I meant find help for *herself"

Send her the gifts back AND let your sister know that you love her but your kids are your first priority. She screwed up when she called and left those nasty drunken messages and you will need to break off communication with her (that includes gifts) until she gets some help for her drinking problem - maybe give her some numbers to call to try and find some help for yourself. I totally agree that this sort of behavior shouldn't be around your kids, OP.

Also, you can not ASSume that she even remembers leaving those messages. Did you keep them? If so, maybe you can play them back for her. She might need a wake up call.

Anonymous wrote:OP Here, She doesn't acknowledge that she has a problem. Never has, never will. She will just say she drank to much one night.

So what? You know she has a problem. She has a problem. You have to maintain no contact until she gets help. If she has no problem then stop drinking.

I wouldn't send them back because if she's is still drinking, she isn't thinking clearly and she could get overly histrionic and depressed. I think it sends the wrong message to tell the kids it's OK auntie left nasty and abusive messages for mom and dad, you are family and just enjoy your auntie. I don't see it as awful to write a generic thank you note-maybe just a sentence-from you. "We received the gifts. Thank you."If she gets a cutesy kid note she may keep sending gifts and trying to get closer. Unless she is sober and taking responsibility for her actions, you don't want that.