What exactly does not telling her entail? Are you planning to just serve her divorce papers with no warning? I can't imagine a scenario in which that would work out well!

Your poor kids. So many selfish adults who are ill-equipped to be committed parents. Yep, I'm judging.

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell her of plans...that just drags things out. If you have made a decision to divorce, then that is what you tell her. tell her about actions, not plans to act in the future.

+1

I am not curious about why you want to divorce, but how, if you all haven't discussed it, you know she wants one too?

Also: I would advise you to make your own copies of all assets/joint property ahead of time and consult a lawyer about planning, before you ask your wife for the divorce.

If you truly want it to be amicable, then you need to have a plan and attitude that isn't about screwing her. Seeing a lawyer to protect yourself is not screwing her over; hiding assets, etc., is.

My best friend parents had an amicable divorce. It was mutual (fell out of love, different dreams on career and family). They talked openly about it and made plans so no one was screwed or burdened. It can work.

I've noticed that when one person finds someone quickly and the other person doesn't, the one going w/o gets angry/annoyed really quickly.

Anonymous wrote:An amicable divorce requires both parties to work together towards the shared goal.

Your entire premise ("should I tell my wife") undermines that from the very start.

+ infinity

Don't tell her of plans...that just drags things out. If you have made a decision to divorce, then that is what you tell her. tell her about actions, not plans to act in the future.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Don't count on the regular sex thing.

+1

I would make some plans before you have that conversation with her. Make sure all your accounts, files and finances are in order. Make copies of all your statements and have all the paperwork ready. Keep a copy of everything in a safe location outside of the house. Know exactly where you stand financially. If you have a concern that she is hiding money try and make a paper trail of that.

Do you have separate or joint accounts? Who manages the finances?

Seeing as you have already had conversations about divorce - this isn't out of the blue but it is still always a shock when you move from talking about it to doing it. You need to have the conversation that says that - we have talked about it, time to act on it. Just know that as soon as you have that conversation she is likely to run to a lawyer/bank and do everything she can to 'protect' her herself and her assets. You should speak to a lawyer as well so you know exactly what you can legally do to do the same.

Get through the holidays then talk to her about it.

If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

OP - Don't count on the regular sex thing.

Anonymous wrote:You have yet to mention any good reason why you are even getting divorced. This speaks volumes about you OP. Maybe you'd be doing your wife a favor.

OP here. I wasn't asking for advice on if I should get divorce. I have sought advice elsewhere on that question. I am asking about how.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a lawyer and get advice on how to legally shield your assets, sounds like old wifey is already hiding money.

+1

Anonymous wrote:You have yet to mention any good reason why you are even getting divorced. This speaks volumes about you OP. Maybe you'd be doing your wife a favor.

Why should he have to lay out the reasons for getting divorced? That's ridiculous. He's not asking for advice on whether to get divorced. He's asking for advice on when he should alert his wife of his plans. OP, I would consider mediation if you want to keep it amicable.

Talk to a lawyer and get advice on how to legally shield your assets, sounds like old wifey is already hiding money.