21:26. wanted to add, I wasn't advocating staying in a bad marriage in order to stay involved with your daughters's life, I'm saying learn how to be fully involved as a divorced dad and make sure you know you understand from a lawyer what will give you the strongest case to have joint custody before you say the word divorce to your wife.

Anonymous wrote:Don't wait, OP. It can be much harder to witness a toxic marriage throughout HS and then discover you don't have "home" to return to right when beginning college than to adjust to divorced parents (who are happier) at 15.

+1

The main advice I can give from my parents divorce is you need to be there for your daughter. Yes, you deserve a chance at happiness but I'm telling you now if your wife has primary custody and you get a new girlfriend quickly it will seems like you moved on from both wife and daughter. This is the time your daughter is probably getting ready to dip her toe in the dating world and you don't want her feeling abandoned, betrayed, like she couldn't depend on the one guy that should have been there for her. I don't know if courts still do joint custody when the kids are older but from what I can see it is important that you are involved as a parent ...there is so little time that kids want to spend with their parents as teenager that if you only have something like one day a week or weekends or only summers it will be tough to stay close. It may only be breakfast, dinner, and when she isn't chatting with friends that she had time for you so it is important you have enough of those times.

Also, the obvious things of not bad mouthing the mom and don't put the kid in the middle of the marital problems. You and soon to be ex still have to co-parent and post high school still need to co-exist.

So get your ducks in a row about divorce especially with custody and rip the band aid off.

Don't wait, OP. It can be much harder to witness a toxic marriage throughout HS and then discover you don't have "home" to return to right when beginning college than to adjust to divorced parents (who are happier) at 15.

Fir your DD cab you wait 3 years? Please!

"Sticking it out for 3 more years might be advisable."

Bad advice. On a practical level, that will just increase alimony (if you're in VA, at least).

On an emotional level, his daughter already knows her parents marriage is terrible. Why put her through 3 more years of stress, plus put her through the stress of dealing with her parents divorce during her first semester of college?

Go see a lawyer, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15

Really? You can't wait 3 more years?

Some people prefer not to be in bad marriages and that's ok.

I think I know which poster you are, OP, and I am so glad you are going to get divorced! However, are you sure you will be able to protect your daughter after you separate? What if your wife choses to make the divorce miserable and use DD as a weapon? Sticking it out for 3 more years might be advisable.

His daughter is his. Leave it alone, pp. No decent man would follow your advice for a paternity test at this stage.

Contact a lawyer. You need to because even though she's a cheating whore, courts will likely give your wife custody. You need to plan your case beforehand. You might need to get evidence of these affairs. I'm so sorry about your marriage. You seem like a good man, but your wife needs to pay for being such a bad wife/mother. Make sure that happens, for you and your daughter.

and I hate to say it, but you might want to get that kid paternity tested.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't seem so fair does it? I held up my end of the marital contract. She tore it to shreds.

I am so sorry your daughter's mother isn't worthy of you. But your daughter is, isn't she? Please stay so your child has at least one decent parent.

My parents stayed together for my sake and it was a terrible idea. Absolutely terrible. Not only did I still have to deal with the fallout of their divorce (just because I'd moved out of the house at 18 didn't mean there wasn't still an emotional impact), I had to drag around the guilt of knowing they spent miserable years together because of me. Ugh.

If it's going to happen regardless, there's little mercy in waiting until 18.

Agreed with PPs, though, that you would need to stay involved.