"MIL, thanks for the offer, but my family has been opening presents this way for 40 years--it's our tradition! If you'd like us to open presents from you separately at another time, that would be fine."

As an introvert, I really hate opening presents one by one on Christmas day. That's also how my MIL does it. It puts me in the spotlight and annoys me. My family each opens one gift, then another, then another, but all at the same time. So not necessarily a free for all, but still a controlled opening.

It might be better for DH to have the conversation with her in advance so you head off any embarassing/awkward scenes on what is supposed to be a happy day. The last thing you want is for her to start trying to be "MOC" and everyone looking at her like, what is HER problem? Then, this becomes YOUR problem, because it's your family and DH will defer to you to address it then.

OP, I agree that your MIL shouldn't get to be the one to manage or control your family's Christmas processes.

Our large extended family had a hybrid approach. We did one round of everyone open one thing, and then moved on to a free for all. Kids were done quickly and then played while adults were more leisurely opening while talking, seeing what the kids got, etc... It seemed to satisfy almost everyone, except my one aunt who wanted all 25 people to open gifts one at a time around the room.

There's no right or wrong way to open gifts, IMO. But, when she is the host MIL calls the shots. As a guest at your family's holiday celebration, she should smile and go with the flow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel? Has he happily adopted YOUR families way of doing Christmas or have you pretty much told him this is how it's going to be.

Husband prefers our approach -- and, to be fair, when we open gifts later in the week with his family (including MIL) we do it her way. She is with us on Christmas Day because she and her husband are passing through on the way to visit more family in another state. We meet up with them later in the week and do Christmas with his family then.

So you're graciously inviting her to your family Christmas and later doing a separate event with them their way? Yeah, she has no room to ask for changes in that scenario. Ideally, your DH would tell her so: "Mom, really. Let DW's family do things their own way. If it's too much for you, we understand if you want to take a pass on the event."

Anonymous wrote:I kind of like her idea.

OP again -- I get why some people like this idea. But that's not the point -- the point is that she is trying to control a Christmas get together that isn't even her family! And we've been doing it this way for nearly 40 years, with all sorts of other "visitors" joining us along the way. I just don't get why we should alter a celebration that 20+ people love to appease one person.

And yes, before someone points it out, I'm not my MILs biggest fan. But to me that doesn't factor in here -- there's a clear right and wrong re: etiquette here, unless I'm missing something major.

Anonymous wrote:

My family always had more of the free for all approach and it was fun and chaotic. Even though it was a free for all, if we were opening a gift from a specific person we might shout across the room that we were about to open that gift from them or after we opened it we would acknowledge them directly.

OP here -- this is exactly what we do. Are you my cousin?

We took a medium approach: everyone holds one present and opens at the same time. Much faster.

If the family is large and everyone is opening gifts one at a time, how long does it take? It seems like it would take hours. There are only a few of us and we're more or less a free for all....

I kind of like her idea.

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel? Has he happily adopted YOUR families way of doing Christmas or have you pretty much told him this is how it's going to be.

Husband prefers our approach -- and, to be fair, when we open gifts later in the week with his family (including MIL) we do it her way. She is with us on Christmas Day because she and her husband are passing through on the way to visit more family in another state. We meet up with them later in the week and do Christmas with his family then.

This is how DH family is and how my family is. It's painful to open gifts with his family and it is so so so slow! I am always grateful and appreciative of the gifts so its not that but its the going around the room one at a time while we all watch one person open one gift and then the next person open another gift. Ugh. My MIL is very controlling in every way and even in gift opening. She determines who is opening what and when. For my DD's 1st birthday this year she opened all the gifts, even if they were not from her.

My family always had more of the free for all approach and it was fun and chaotic. Even though it was a free for all, if we were opening a gift from a specific person we might shout across the room that we were about to open that gift from them or after we opened it we would acknowledge them directly.

I wouldn't have a big discussion with her beforehand. If she keeps mentioning that she wants to be master of ceremonies I would just casually mention that we don't need a master of ceremonies and change the subject. Let the kids go crazy with gift opening and maybe have the adults go a little slower? Whatever you do don't let her be master of ceremonies that is just weird/dumb/controlling/insane.

Anonymous wrote:That is exactly what my MIL has imposed on us. She made some condescending speech years ago about how teaching children patience should be a priority. (Duh!) With 18 family members together kids have to wait through 17 people to get to their next present !!!!!!!!!

Also, she insists that the kids' stockings are just fruit and old fashioned wooden trinkets supposedly brought by Santa. The problem is every other year we're at my house and my kids wonder why the stocking stuff drastically changes.

All MILs do this -- it takes up the day and keeps the attention on them!

I'm Jewish and my ILs are catholic so it's "their" holiday. They always do the free for all approach and I would like a slower, see what everyone got approach. Not over organized, but less chaotic. She is entitled to her opinion and you're entitled to tell her how you want to do it in your family. Ultimately it's not really worth fighting about because no matter what they will all get opened. Happy holidays!

Anonymous wrote:When my MIL gives me a gift she leans in and says "Oh you can reuse the paper if you open it carefully."

I try to make a good natured show of it, but seriously. come on.

I would say " no that's okay"