Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 16:55     Subject: Re:Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:
This thread makes me sad. When did everyone become so OCD? Or are the respondents just self-selecting that way? I'm not saying their house isn't gross, just that you can bring your own sheets and suck it up for a few days for the sake of being a kind and decent person.


I am the kind of person who thinks we thrive better on germs. I truly do. My DH is immune-compromised, however. So we have to be very careful. My mom's house is not really dirty, but it is super cluttered, and things like her Christmas decorations are 40 years old or

Sounds good, but what do you say next year?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 16:53     Subject: Re:Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
All 3 of my DILs are filthy housekeepers. Since my sons don't seem to care, I don't either. I just never visit. The one time I stayed at the oldest son's home and nearly suffocated from breathing dirty air, I never went back. They are welcome to come here.

This is not about being OCD. This is about common sanitary conditions and just plain laziness. How my boys put up with that mess I'll never know. When I asked them they said they were tired of fighting and doing all the housework.

It's disgusting when you visit and 3 weeks of dishes sit in greasy sink water. I can't do it. I stay away. They know why and I don't care.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 16:45     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
OP here. You all have some very clever ideas! I feel almost hopeful...but it's such a sensitive subject. I certainly don't want to alienate my in laws since they have other redeeming qualities, but I really am at my breaking point after our most recent visit.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 16:22     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws' house is disgustingly dirty. No mental illness, no hoarding, just obliviousness and blithe disregard for societal convention. I hate staying there, but I understand how much it means to DH so I no longer suggest staying at a hotel. That said, I fantasize about sending in a cleaning crew before we visit with our kids. I would happily pay a couple hundred bucks every few months to avoid picking pieces of crud out of the baby's hand before she eats them, or falling asleep wondering how many people slept on the sheets in the guest room between washings. I know (in my heart of hearts) that there is no polite way to present such an offer, but I dream about doing it. So yell at me, DCUM, tell me I'm selfish and rude and a thoroughly ungrateful DIL. Maybe that will help me suck it up and ignore the filth...


This is my life. It's only compounded by the fact that it exists on both sides. My mom's was far worse before she died. Not much to say, just keep sucking it up and shower when you get home. Hopefully yours at least drink so that you can use a glass of wine or two to relax you and take your mind off of it.

Oh, and when my mom got old and really couldn't clean herself, I offered her a cleaning service thinking that it wouldn't offend her. She declined every single time I offered. But, she did used to let me vacuum for her and do some of the cooking.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 16:21     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
I think it depends on if it is just not clean / tidy to your standard but is still a safe and healthy environment or if it is actually a health hazard.

If it is a health hazard and people who stay there get sick, then I would stay elsewhere. If it is just cluttered and untidy and old and the floors aren't spic and span, then I'd stay there.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:57     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws' house is disgustingly dirty. No mental illness, no hoarding, just obliviousness and blithe disregard for societal convention. I hate staying there, but I understand how much it means to DH so I no longer suggest staying at a hotel. That said, I fantasize about sending in a cleaning crew before we visit with our kids. I would happily pay a couple hundred bucks every few months to avoid picking pieces of crud out of the baby's hand before she eats them, or falling asleep wondering how many people slept on the sheets in the guest room between washings. I know (in my heart of hearts) that there is no polite way to present such an offer, but I dream about doing it. So yell at me, DCUM, tell me I'm selfish and rude and a thoroughly ungrateful DIL. Maybe that will help me suck it up and ignore the filth...


Why can't you give cleaning service as Christmas or Chanukah gift?


Not OP, but I actually tried to do this for my parents. My mom refused it saying she doesn't like wasting money ( even though its my money) on something she can do herself. SMH, clearly she can not do it herself, because the house is disgusting.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:52     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. When did everyone become so OCD? Or are the respondents just self-selecting that way? I'm not saying their house isn't gross, just that you can bring your own sheets and suck it up for a few days for the sake of being a kind and decent person.


We get it. You are a doormat.


We get it. You are incredibly rude.



Perhaps, but we don't live in filth to make nice.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:48     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
It's just easier to say, "Oh we have hotel points/vouchers that we HAVE to use…"


I've never thought of that one…so clever…they are expiring…you can check to see if there is say, a Marriott close nearby. Assuming there is, you say to them, "We have Marriott miles that are expiring, is there a Marriott nearby so we can use our points?" "why yes, dearie, just up the road on Market street!" "Oh great! We'll do that because we can't WASTE our points…"
(usually people who hoard or don't clean or don't throw out food don't like to waste either, so they'll understand that angle)

Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:43     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Gross. There's no way of sending in a cleaning crew without offending them, it would be easier to stay in a hotel and say you need a bigger bed, more room, privacy...whatever excuse you can come up with.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:32     Subject: Re:Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
This thread makes me sad. When did everyone become so OCD? Or are the respondents just self-selecting that way? I'm not saying their house isn't gross, just that you can bring your own sheets and suck it up for a few days for the sake of being a kind and decent person.


I am the kind of person who thinks we thrive better on germs. I truly do. My DH is immune-compromised, however. So we have to be very careful. My mom's house is not really dirty, but it is super cluttered, and things like her Christmas decorations are 40 years old or more, and I swear some have black mold on them. It's just easier to say, "Oh we have hotel points/vouchers that we HAVE to use..."
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:27     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:My in-laws' house is disgustingly dirty. No mental illness, no hoarding, just obliviousness and blithe disregard for societal convention. I hate staying there, but I understand how much it means to DH so I no longer suggest staying at a hotel. That said, I fantasize about sending in a cleaning crew before we visit with our kids. I would happily pay a couple hundred bucks every few months to avoid picking pieces of crud out of the baby's hand before she eats them, or falling asleep wondering how many people slept on the sheets in the guest room between washings. I know (in my heart of hearts) that there is no polite way to present such an offer, but I dream about doing it. So yell at me, DCUM, tell me I'm selfish and rude and a thoroughly ungrateful DIL. Maybe that will help me suck it up and ignore the filth...


Why can't you give cleaning service as Christmas or Chanukah gift?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:23     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Can you say you entered a contest, won free cleaning service for you and 2 friends and you picked them as a friend! Tell the service the story too. Make it a radio cotest you won. Anything really but i would 100% get their house cleaned.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:18     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Is it dusty? You can just say that baby has very sensitive skin/breathing issues and ped recommended staying away from dusty places. I have a cousin that has successfully stayed away from his parent's home (they are horders) by saying that staying overnight makes his skin break out.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:12     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. When did everyone become so OCD? Or are the respondents just self-selecting that way? I'm not saying their house isn't gross, just that you can bring your own sheets and suck it up for a few days for the sake of being a kind and decent person.


I'm guessing you've never had to deal with such an issue. I'm far from OCD but there is a line, and my in-laws are beyond that line. I wouldn't subject myself to staying there, much less my preschooler and my infant.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2013 15:10     Subject: Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
Anonymous wrote:Unless it was truly a health hazard, I would probably just try to bear it for the sake of family harmony. But you might be able to do a few creative things-- like PP said- bring your own wipes, do a little secret cleaning, etc. Re the sheets, you could say that you or baby (or both) have sensitive skin and are bringing your own sheets washed in special detergent. Also, could you say something like " I heard a friend gave her parents a cleaning service as a gift. You all deserve a little break- would you ever want that?" But I think tread carefully...


That wouldn't work with my in-laws. They have boxes and piles of stuff in the 'guest room', and there's no place to move it to. There's cat hair everywhere and the bathroom barely functions. And there's really no way I could bring my own sheets or give them a cleaning service without offending them. It's much, much better for everyone involved if we just sleep elsewhere.