It sounds to me like "volatile" is being used as code for "abusive." If your kids were scared and your family said something and your spouse responded by kicking them out....sheesh. Sounds like they hit a nerve. Why are you ok with someone who rages like this? A wake up call...this is NOT normal behavior.

Anonymous wrote:My family flew here to visit us for the holidays. Everything was going smoothly (no worse than usual) until spouse blew up and kicked family out of the house over a perceived slight. Spouse is high-strung and sensitive and does not like my family, but has never been so overtly rude before. Spouse was on edge because kids were being fussy. (Being around spouse seems to set them off, but that is another issue.) How would you react?

Something's missing here...
I'd like to hear your spouses version of the story. Or maybe some background and any latent anger/mishaps.
Listen, really listen, to your spouse to find out the real problem. Then find a workable solution.

Anonymous wrote:it must have been pretty bad if the family stepped in and said something. most people wouldn't do that. i hope this is a wake up call for you op.

Agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids. Spouse is the dad.

Not that we didn't already know that, but why so cagey?

Probably because her spouse is volatile so she is used to being cagey as a defense mechanism.

In other threads many posters feel that all parents yell and that yelling at your kids is normal so I am not sure that in itself is an issue. I think too in-laws telling you how to parent is another thing that many posters here get very frustrated about. So it seems that those two actions of your husbands - yelling at the kids and getting frustrated with inlaws interfering in parenting are very common and typical for many parents, and most posters here wouldn't have a problem with those actions

Expecting them to leave is a little more concerning and outside the norm. However it doesn't sound like he actually made them leave. Did he discuss this with you or just order them out? Seeing as they didn't leave it doesn't sound like this was very aggressive. When you talked to him about it later, how did it go? Often again, if a woman's in-laws are the ones interfering, then it is the man who is expected to speak to his parents and ask them to not interfere in the parenting. So in your case, it is more you who should speak with your in laws. Remind them that many parents at times get frustrated and raise their voice with their kids. And ask them to not diminish your husbands parenting.

it must have been pretty bad if the family stepped in and said something. most people wouldn't do that. i hope this is a wake up call for you op.

OP--sounds like your husband has some significant issues. Your family members were stepping in to protect your kids from a verbally abusive parent.

Are you afraid of him? Do you find you're walking on eggshells around him and making sure everything in order so he doesn't get upset? Are you making excuses for him--it's work, it's a stressful time of year, he's under a lot of pressure...

If you answered yes to any of these, things are not okay. That is not behavior that is healthy. What can you do to get some support? Your children are relying on you to protect them.

This dredges up awful memories. My own father did this to my beloved grandparents 30 years ago. My dad was a raging alcoholic, was in the midst of a weekend of non-stop drinking (his normal routine) and apparently their presence was getting in his way.

So, he screamed at them to pack up and leave our house at 9:00 p.m. They lived six hours away, were in their 70s and spent the night in our town's one and only (seedy) motel. I had to go to school the next day with the sounds of my dad screaming still ringing in my head. It's a painful memory still.

Your husband needs help. This is going to be difficult to repair and may forever change the family, unless he's willing to delve deep into his own problems and make serious amends.

Anonymous wrote:True. They are here to visit us and help with the kids, however, so even if they stayed at the hotel at night we would have to go there to visit with them or they would be around most of the day.

The slight was someone said spouse was scaring the kids by yelling at them for acting up.

Lol, do he got. Called out on his shit and couldn't face the truth, so tried to remove the truth. Love it. Sounds like an abusive person. Scaring family members, then when other family member say something, alienating them from help. Start preparing you rself to leave this marriage. Shit like this only gets worse, not better.

He or she needs to understand that asking guests to leave one's house is only appropriate under extreme circumstances like abuse. This was nowhere near an abusive situation.

I'm really sorry for you, OP. You are between a rock and a hard place since your family has a legitimate right to be offended and can take it out on you, and your spouse is obviously not right in the head (at least on this occasion) and will surely take it out on you as well. Hopefully this does not happen very often

Is there any way you can persuade your spouse to take anger management classes, see a therapist, or something??? You really must NOT let this go. Stay calm, but continue to insist that your spouse seek help. You can also threaten divorce (I had to do this many years ago when my husband was being abusive - he turned around).

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Our kids. Spouse is the dad.

Not that we didn't already know that, but why so cagey?

Tell your husband to apologize now. There is no reason to behave this way and it's damaging to your children, not to mention your relationships with your family. You need to give him the ultimatum on therapy too before this gets worse for you and your kids.

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse sounds angry and it really doesn't matter to me if our spouse is male or female. Yelling at your kids then getting angry at family and kicking them out of the house sounds like someone with problems.

Likely this same spouse is also angry and a bit volatile when extended family isn't there. I doubt this is the first incident of spouse flying off the handle.

When you say they are there to help with the kids...do you mean for a longer period of time? how long is the extended family there for?

Yes, he is always volatile. They are here under a week, only long enough to avoid travel on peak days. (I realized they could not fly home early even if they wanted to!) They do a lot of babysitting while here so we can catch up on other things.

Our kids. Spouse is the dad.

Your spouse sounds angry and it really doesn't matter to me if our spouse is male or female. Yelling at your kids then getting angry at family and kicking them out of the house sounds like someone with problems.

Likely this same spouse is also angry and a bit volatile when extended family isn't there. I doubt this is the first incident of spouse flying off the handle.

When you say they are there to help with the kids...do you mean for a longer period of time? how long is the extended family there for?