Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the excluded girl is mean and controlling, then I do teach my kids not to hang out with a girl like that.

But if the girl is nice like you say, then no, she shouldn't be excluded.

OP here. Honestly, the ones who exclude can be quite nasty and inappropriate. One of their moms calls everyone out on everything (helicopters), and tries to control her DDs every. single. life. moment. It is exactly why her DD acts out (the girl can not breathe!), anyone could tell us that.

The excluded girl is probably too nice. She once was one of the "mean, bossy" types, so the potential is there. Mostly she just wants to hang out and be a kid, like the rest of them should. The excluded girl is able to carry on a conversation with anyone. The mean ones kind of give you an evil look, as if they hate you (probably like they hate their own mom, for putting them through what they do).

Honestly, I have heard one of the moms (of the large group) talking, and some of the moms can be really nasty and excluding, which is depressing (given their age). I feel like some of the moms trash talk some of the girls, and the girls pick up on it.

I might be over thinking this, but it makes me uncomfortable that mid-elementary acts like this. There is plenty of time for drama, it seems young to me. It also bothers me because it seems (directly or indirectly) perpetuated by the moms.

I think I see some of this in our DD's ES too. I know that middle school must be its own kind of hell, but I'm looking forward to it in a way. In a huge middle school, there are so many other possible friends. Shaking things up a bit could be good for excluded girls, right? Parents are also not so welcome in middle school, so maybe they'll have a hard time continuing their games as the kids get older.

Anonymous wrote:If the excluded girl is mean and controlling, then I do teach my kids not to hang out with a girl like that.

But if the girl is nice like you say, then no, she shouldn't be excluded.

OP here. Honestly, the ones who exclude can be quite nasty and inappropriate. One of their moms calls everyone out on everything (helicopters), and tries to control her DDs every. single. life. moment. It is exactly why her DD acts out (the girl can not breathe!), anyone could tell us that.

The excluded girl is probably too nice. She once was one of the "mean, bossy" types, so the potential is there. Mostly she just wants to hang out and be a kid, like the rest of them should. The excluded girl is able to carry on a conversation with anyone. The mean ones kind of give you an evil look, as if they hate you (probably like they hate their own mom, for putting them through what they do).

Honestly, I have heard one of the moms (of the large group) talking, and some of the moms can be really nasty and excluding, which is depressing (given their age). I feel like some of the moms trash talk some of the girls, and the girls pick up on it.

I might be over thinking this, but it makes me uncomfortable that mid-elementary acts like this. There is plenty of time for drama, it seems young to me. It also bothers me because it seems (directly or indirectly) perpetuated by the moms.

If the excluded girl is mean and controlling, then I do teach my kids not to hang out with a girl like that.

But if the girl is nice like you say, then no, she shouldn't be excluded.

Also, what are these girls' ages? That makes a big difference in how to handle this.

OP, talk to the excluded girl's parents. Then they can do something.

Also, the excluded girl AND your DD should learn to CHOOSE not to hang out with these mean types. But you need to tell your DD that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding this. Not all kids are close friends with the others.

Encourage your daughter to find other friends and just be civil (as she has been) to these girls. As adults, we aren't friends with every other adult. Why do we expect kids to do otherwise?

This sounds like bullying to me. Excluding others is the topic of the thread.

There are certainly adults who exclude others. In adult parlance, the excluders are called "losers".

Again, how is excluding anyone "bullying"? They exclude her, fine. She doesn't need them and should find other friends. This is only a few girls. It's not like every girl in her grade refuses to hang out with her, right?

And in adult "parlance," do you enjoy the company of everyone you know, work with, etc, equally? Or are there some you really can't stand and don't include them when you invite people to your home, sit at lunch, etc? Why is this so hard to grasp??

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding this. Not all kids are close friends with the others.

Encourage your daughter to find other friends and just be civil (as she has been) to these girls. As adults, we aren't friends with every other adult. Why do we expect kids to do otherwise?

This sounds like bullying to me. Excluding others is the topic of the thread.

There are certainly adults who exclude others. In adult parlance, the excluders are called "losers".

And "not being friends" with the girl isn't bullying! Geez.

I'm not understanding this. Not all kids are close friends with the others.

Encourage your daughter to find other friends and just be civil (as she has been) to these girls. As adults, we aren't friends with every other adult. Why do we expect kids to do otherwise?

The school needs to be told asap. Bullying is NOT acceptable.