Our son is pretty sensitive, so one punishment at school (lost recess) has worked just fine so far (5 y.o. and in PK). I let the teacher know in our conference that we wanted to be sure to know about any additional behavioral issues, even if they're minor, as well so that we can stay on top of it.

At what age do "future" punishments become effective? DD just turned 3, and I am pretty sure saying "no Dora tonight" or "no party on Saturday" would be meaningless to her. But it sounds like at five, that kind of thing is effective.

This is a good thread - thanks for posting, OP. I have a kid in K and a 4 YO. The only thing we impose time out for is hitting or some form of harmful physical contact like pushing or biting so I take that seriously. That being said, he was already punished at school and just knowing that you were called and talking about why the behavior was unacceptable and what he might do the next time he feels anxious, angry, frustrated, etc. may be punishment enough ... how many times is this kid going to be punished for the same crime? Also, I would look into why this may have happened. What else is going on? Is he extra tired? Not feeling well? Unhappy about something at school or at home? Sometimes I just ask my kid at bedtime if there is anything he would like to talk about and I am often surprised by the answers (and other times it's just fun to talk about what's on his mind like what playground we'll go to next).

Anonymous wrote:DS has lost privileges, mostly playing iPad at home for the 20 min or so between dinner and bath. We discuss why he had a bad day at school, what motivated his behavior but its not something that is front and center at home.

I had problems with DS focusing, following instructions and keeping his hands to himself at school. We enrolled him in Chinese martial arts and, while he has a rough day here and there, I have seen significant improvement in the last couple months. Since my son is very physical in his play, sometimes being aggressive, I wanted something with no physical contact and this fit the bill for us.

Pp here, I have had my son write a letter of apology to a classmate he inadvertently hit in the face, resulting in a bloody nose. I blame the Power Rangers for this crap, he was emulating their play on tv. Any chance your son was repeating something similar with the biting?

DS has lost privileges, mostly playing iPad at home for the 20 min or so between dinner and bath. We discuss why he had a bad day at school, what motivated his behavior but its not something that is front and center at home.

I had problems with DS focusing, following instructions and keeping his hands to himself at school. We enrolled him in Chinese martial arts and, while he has a rough day here and there, I have seen significant improvement in the last couple months. Since my son is very physical in his play, sometimes being aggressive, I wanted something with no physical contact and this fit the bill for us.

Biting? A kindergartener? That would most certainly earn consequences at home.

Have him write a note or draw a picture with an apology to the kid he bit.

It's not a punishment. It's an apology for hurting someone.

(DC was bitten by a classmate in kindergarten and we all appreciated the handwritten note to say sorry.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would most certainly give an at-home punishment as I want my children to know that I am on the same page as their teacher and that misbehavior in school is wholly unacceptable in our family.

I would also be having my child apologize to the teacher the following day and would work with them to write an apology letter to the other child.

This!

That teaches your kid that you don't approve, but it does nothing to help teach them HOW to regulate their emotions and behaviors.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. You can discipline your child AND teach them how to deal with emotions by talking through how they might handle it differently next time. My 4 year old has to write letters of apology and also has a consequence at home if I feel like they were truly misbehaving. It depends on the situation and the teacher. Usually DC's teacher gives a few warnings. If I get a call home, I know that DC was flat out disobeying.

This again!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would most certainly give an at-home punishment as I want my children to know that I am on the same page as their teacher and that misbehavior in school is wholly unacceptable in our family.

I would also be having my child apologize to the teacher the following day and would work with them to write an apology letter to the other child.

This!

That teaches your kid that you don't approve, but it does nothing to help teach them HOW to regulate their emotions and behaviors.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. You can discipline your child AND teach them how to deal with emotions by talking through how they might handle it differently next time. My 4 year old has to write letters of apology and also has a consequence at home if I feel like they were truly misbehaving. It depends on the situation and the teacher. Usually DC's teacher gives a few warnings. If I get a call home, I know that DC was flat out disobeying.

i'm in the discuss and provide a clear warning with stated consequence if something like it happens again. for a first offense that was already addressed at school, i'd factor in the length of time between your punishment and the bad behavior and decide that the length of time was too great for the punishment to be clearly associated with the crime and therefore not effective. i'd try a good talking to, though.

i have a pre-k kid, though, so i haven't dealt with this directly just yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would most certainly give an at-home punishment as I want my children to know that I am on the same page as their teacher and that misbehavior in school is wholly unacceptable in our family.

I would also be having my child apologize to the teacher the following day and would work with them to write an apology letter to the other child.

This!

I'm not sure it's age appropriate for a five year old to write an apology letter. Apologize in person, yes. Writing a letter is more for a second grader, maybe a first grader.
Depending on the child, mom knowing about it and being disappointed may have bigger impact than a toy or iPad taken away. But it really depends on the child. Also, if the behavior is one time or frequent changes how to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would most certainly give an at-home punishment as I want my children to know that I am on the same page as their teacher and that misbehavior in school is wholly unacceptable in our family.

I would also be having my child apologize to the teacher the following day and would work with them to write an apology letter to the other child.

This!

That teaches your kid that you don't approve, but it does nothing to help teach them HOW to regulate their emotions and behaviors.

Anonymous wrote:I would most certainly give an at-home punishment as I want my children to know that I am on the same page as their teacher and that misbehavior in school is wholly unacceptable in our family.

I would also be having my child apologize to the teacher the following day and would work with them to write an apology letter to the other child.

This!