Anonymous wrote:Give your child a sibbling! There is no greater joy in having a brother or a sister, to share the memories of your childhood, to share the love of the parents, and to share the challenges of caring for you when you age. i hhave a brother and a sister, my parents travelled with us around the world, we all went to great schools, but obviously we did not have every single new toy or clothing every month. You'll have to make sacrifices but it is so worth it! I have a few only-child friends who would have given an arm for a brother or sister!

Just stop, PP. This post is stupid on so many levels but primarily because it has nothing to do with the OP's questions and ignores her concerns.

Give your child a sibbling! There is no greater joy in having a brother or a sister, to share the memories of your childhood, to share the love of the parents, and to share the challenges of caring for you when you age. i hhave a brother and a sister, my parents travelled with us around the world, we all went to great schools, but obviously we did not have every single new toy or clothing every month. You'll have to make sacrifices but it is so worth it! I have a few only-child friends who would have given an arm for a brother or sister!

Only have to count one head at the pool in the summer. Two parents minding one kid when at park, zoo, beach, Disney etc. Not depriving kid of activities because it is younger siblings' naptime. One college education, can afford private school if we need to, only one soccer game/swim meet/tennis match to have to get to...

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My apologies. I didn't mean to offend. Please don't turn this thread into a debate. No one believes that all singletons are spoiled and selfish, but it does happen. Let it go.

But their being selfish and spoiled has NOTHING to do with their being singletons. And people do have that prejudice about only children, despite it having no basis in reality. And I think people are right to push back against this stereotype, since your concern about having an only child seems to be based on this very stereotype.

Anonymous wrote:No one believes that all singletons are spoiled and selfish, but it does happen. Let it go.

And lots of children with siblings are spoiled and bullies.

OP here. My apologies. I didn't mean to offend. Please don't turn this thread into a debate. No one believes that all singletons are spoiled and selfish, but it does happen. Let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Reassure me that he will not be self-centered and that I will be able to teach him to share.

Please, please will people stop making these comments about only children? Why is it still okay to abuse and stereotype only children when it is so offensive to do this to anyone else.

If I were to say all Jews are cheap everyone would freak (and don't freak, this is an example), but it is okay to say only children are self-centered, spoiled and don't share?

Why is this okay? Do you have any idea how offensive these comments are?

This! So I'm an only child and I'm self centered and spoiled, my husband has a sibling and guess what he also is self centered and spoiled. Being an only has nothing to do with it and everything to do with how our parents raised us. Raise your child to share, to think of others, and don't give them everything they want when they want it. Being an only kid doesn't automatically lead to being a selfish person, it's all dependent on the expectations of the parents.

I went back to work FT and I'm struggling daily with just one. DH helps but it's still a lot of time spent just caring for one. We used to discuss 1 v 2 often. Now it's s hell no to 2.

Anonymous wrote: Reassure me that he will not be self-centered and that I will be able to teach him to share.

Please, please will people stop making these comments about only children? Why is it still okay to abuse and stereotype only children when it is so offensive to do this to anyone else.

If I were to say all Jews are cheap everyone would freak (and don't freak, this is an example), but it is okay to say only children are self-centered, spoiled and don't share?

Why is this okay? Do you have any idea how offensive these comments are?

I am an only child. DH has a sibling. I wanted zero or MAYYYYYBE one. He wanted two or three. After our first he was like "whoa, now I see why you only wanted one."

I like that we can easily fold her into our lives. She has her spaces in the home but our entire home is not child-centric. Our lives are not revolving around the child. We accommodate her needs and some wants, but that's it. She has many good, local friends, and a slew of cousins, so she is not lonely.

The cost of children is not an issue for us. We will hire nurses or something so caring for us in old age will not be a huge burden on our child.

I'm expecting our third. Very excited for our new child but let me underscore what others have said about what it means for our family in several areas (obviously different families will have different experiences):

- less money for travel, restaurants, and other fun adventures

- we will be infinitely less mobile than when we were a smaller family unit

- we had to buy a larger car (our Camry and Corolla won't accommodate three car seats). That means a car payment for the first time in 10 years.

- we are saving for public universities, not private. Can't afford private. If we had one, private would be a non issue.

- less one on one time with each child

- DH and I will likely have less alone time with each other and certainly our ability to do things solo without kids will limited until the youngest is older

- we'll have to be more frugal all the way around to maintain our current comfortable bit modest lifestyle

- we will spend $4k a month on daycare and pre K

- finally, while I hope our kids will love and appreciate each other, there no guarantee that siblings will connect

We've made several conscious decisions when it comes to having more than one child and are comfortable with the trade offs. But there are certainly trade offs for our family that we wouldn't have to make with only one child

Anonymous wrote:OP this may seem silly but I'm at a point where I don't even have to rationalize it anymore. I love our little family and I love being a mom of one. Just being able to say that alone feels great. I used to struggle this this too. If you embrace it, you'll thrive. So will your kid.

This. Once you're at peace with your situation, you stop thinking about what you might be missing, and you just enjoy what you have. Sometimes I think I felt bad about it because I thought I was supposed to; in reality, one child was the perfect number for our family. Once I stopped judging my family size against anyone else's expectations, I was much happier.

I had an only for 5yrs. Very , confident, outgoing, mature, etc. loves to make friends and lights up our life.

I really wanted a second...so we just had a baby via Ivf.

OP this may seem silly but I'm at a point where I don't even have to rationalize it anymore. I love our little family and I love being a mom of one. Just being able to say that alone feels great. I used to struggle this this too. If you embrace it, you'll thrive. So will your kid.

Anonymous wrote:As an adult only child, let me just say this; do your child a HUGE favor and make sure you are financially prepared to be self-sufficient in your later years and that any extreme burdens associated with taking care of you won't fall on your only child, who will likely be taking care of a young family of their own at that point. Just keep that in mind and I'm sure they'll be fine!!

FWIW, having siblings doesn't mean that the burden won't fall on one child. My mom is one of six, and she ended up being almost 100 percent responsible for caring for my grandmother in her old age. And I've heard from some people that sibling disagreement about how to deal with aging parents was incredibly difficult and stressful--I've seen some brutal conflicts among siblings over this issue. Which is not to say that all parents shouldn't try to be financially prepared for retirement and aging, but that the number of children shouldn't really be the driver for that.