I think you need to go about this in a different way. Are all your financial goals/needs being met as a family? At a minimum, you should be saving adequately for your own requirement and your own children's college. You can't put all your money towards a pricey private school for one kid at the expense of overall family finances.

I think you should let her pick her expensive, private college if that's where she wants to go, and if you and DH can afford it. If you are already paying for private HS, then I think you should be on-board for her to go to private college. In my experience, people without money choose the CC route, and people with money go the small, expensive private route, when dealing with low grades. I would think her private school friends might be going to private colleges, too. I just think she has been set up for this and you can't turn around and go the public route now. I say this having gone to public school and then George Mason University for college, no regrets, but my high school cohort was looking at similarly priced schools, I just think it would be different in her shoes being at a private school. You can try talking to your DH about it, but if he, the bio Mom, the daughter, and the school are all pointing towards the private college, your opinion won't sway anyone.

However, I think you can talk to DH about stipulating a minimum GPA in exchange for tuition. If she can't keep up a 3.0, for instance, then she needs to get a loan and work during the summers to pay for school. Once her GPA is back to a 3.0, you can continue to pay.

I think you should support her, and give her a chance to prove herself once she is (sort of) on her own in college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. Sucks.

On the thread debating if a right to Alabama versus paying for Columbia Stanford Harvard, etc, I was adamant that you should sacrifice for your kids education and send her to the better school rather than Alabama.

But I would have a really really hard time paying for an expensive, unknown, not well thought of private college rather than community college. The exception would be if the kid had significant learning disabilities and the private college was tailored that. Is that the case? If not, unless you guys just have tons of money, stepdaughter really does need to go to community college.

She has ADHD. Most schools I've seen can accommodate this.

I'd be looking hard at schools that provide the best services to accommodate her needs (seeking out the differences between schools that say they have (minimal) services and schools that actively assist students).

On another college thread, someone recommended University of Pittsburgh--Johnstown. While it may be a branch campus of Pitt, it's a 4 year college with dorms (and yes mostly for kids who did not get accepted to main campus) and some good programs. Anyway, maybe there's a middle of the road answer too. (I'm sure there are other schools like this that don't break the bank). I totally get both sides of the community college argument. For us, there's no doubt that instate VA is a "best buy." I just don't know if it will work out that way. good luck.

I really think that it depends on your finances. For the person who is only willing to pay in-state tuition, if you don't have a lot of money, I think that is fine.

Anonymous wrote:Oh man. Sucks.

On the thread debating if a right to Alabama versus paying for Columbia Stanford Harvard, etc, I was adamant that you should sacrifice for your kids education and send her to the better school rather than Alabama.

But I would have a really really hard time paying for an expensive, unknown, not well thought of private college rather than community college. The exception would be if the kid had significant learning disabilities and the private college was tailored that. Is that the case? If not, unless you guys just have tons of money, stepdaughter really does need to go to community college.

She has ADHD. Most schools I've seen can accommodate this.

We are going to pay for a portion of college- and I don't think 100% - based on in-state tuition at a school I know she can get into (or is likely to) - we're in MD- so think a Towson, Salisbury, Frostburg.

DD does not want to go to these schools. She wants to go out of state. Her grades are like your DSDs. My attitude is that she should have tried harder when it counted- plenty of small schools give merit money.

If she wants to go to a school that is $$$$$$$$$$$$ she will have to figure out how to come up with the $ difference between a Towson and a private college - I'm not doing that.

So yes, you get a vote.

Pp. Should say free ride to Alabama.

As to what you do if you're the step parent, I do think you should talk to your husband about this. Having said that, my boyfriend is still bitter that his stepmother influenced his father not to pay as much for college or grad school. So you have to be careful.

I think it is mistake to think that Community college is beneath someone. I would think much more highly the resume where someone went to community college community then State College rather then some overpriced no name private college. And I went to a small liberal arts college.

Oh man. Sucks.

On the thread debating if a right to Alabama versus paying for Columbia Stanford Harvard, etc, I was adamant that you should sacrifice for your kids education and send her to the better school rather than Alabama.

But I would have a really really hard time paying for an expensive, unknown, not well thought of private college rather than community college. The exception would be if the kid had significant learning disabilities and the private college was tailored that. Is that the case? If not, unless you guys just have tons of money, stepdaughter really does need to go to community college.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like pissing away money.

Yes....so what do you do when you are the step parent?

Sounds like pissing away money.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the rush to get a girl out of the house who's demonstrated she can't handle medium-sized things (keeping her grades up, turning in assignments on time).

Why do folks think she'll be able to handle Big Things while being on her own at High Point, Radford, Longwood, ODU, etc.?

Does she do little things like clean up after herself or show up at places when she says she'll be there (this counts social things with friends, too)?

If she's an 18 yr old high school grad, I don't think that could be considered a "rush out of the house" in almost any circumstance.

I don't understand the rush to get a girl out of the house who's demonstrated she can't handle medium-sized things (keeping her grades up, turning in assignments on time).

Why do folks think she'll be able to handle Big Things while being on her own at High Point, Radford, Longwood, ODU, etc.?

Does she do little things like clean up after herself or show up at places when she says she'll be there (this counts social things with friends, too)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, also, because it is so early in junior year, can DH make an impression on her that it's really important to pick up her grades this year, right now? Junior year grades are probably more important that any other year -- if she has an upswing in grades. Also maybe look at GPA requirements for some state schools, visit a few. Pay for an SAT or ACT prep class. Get her interested in the process. I can't tell from your post if 2.7 is all she is capable of if she's under performing.

I don't know how to answer that. She's always been a C student. She goes to a private hs (not locally) and they bend over backwards to make sure she passes. DH put our home phone down as her contact info. I get the calls that say she has not turned in X,Y,Z assignments, failed a test, did not participate, etc. And then the school provides opportunities for her to pull up her grade. Every single semester, this happens. She is in danger of failing but if she turns in A B C, then she will pass. I know her mother works with her and tries to give her the leeway to take responsibility for her academic career, but so far, it has not gone well.

Ugh. I have a DD with stronger grades but she also gets a ton of "support" from her independent high school. I'm starting to worry about her ability to succeed in college without the safety net. So we are also wondering if a small private college is better so she'll have smaller classes, etc vs say a JMU which I fear will just be a cesspool of bad opportunities for her. No one here is a fan of CC, mostly because DD really needs to get put on her own so we can all see if she can make it.

Thank you for your post. I have a friend who works in the Office of Community Life for a major university. She had mentioned in passing that some community colleges were building dorms for just this purpose. College is so much more then academics. It's really about preparing you for life and living on your own. I did a quick google search and there are some in state CC options in MD with housing. It might be a hard sell to my DH, but then again it might not. In MD, there is is guaranteed transfer option to a 4 yr school. I'm hard pressed to see how this is not a win-win--then again, I'm the one in support of CC to begin with.

My friend works for a univ in VA so I'm guessing there are similar CC w/housing options in VA. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, also, because it is so early in junior year, can DH make an impression on her that it's really important to pick up her grades this year, right now? Junior year grades are probably more important that any other year -- if she has an upswing in grades. Also maybe look at GPA requirements for some state schools, visit a few. Pay for an SAT or ACT prep class. Get her interested in the process. I can't tell from your post if 2.7 is all she is capable of if she's under performing.

I don't know how to answer that. She's always been a C student. She goes to a private hs (not locally) and they bend over backwards to make sure she passes. DH put our home phone down as her contact info. I get the calls that say she has not turned in X,Y,Z assignments, failed a test, did not participate, etc. And then the school provides opportunities for her to pull up her grade. Every single semester, this happens. She is in danger of failing but if she turns in A B C, then she will pass. I know her mother works with her and tries to give her the leeway to take responsibility for her academic career, but so far, it has not gone well.

Ugh. I have a DD with stronger grades but she also gets a ton of "support" from her independent high school. I'm starting to worry about her ability to succeed in college without the safety net. So we are also wondering if a small private college is better so she'll have smaller classes, etc vs say a JMU which I fear will just be a cesspool of bad opportunities for her. No one here is a fan of CC, mostly because DD really needs to get put on her own so we can all see if she can make it.