Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 18:57     Subject: My abusive relationship
OP...I have been in your shoes and I didn't find venting here very fruitful.

Find a therapist...that will help you the most.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 18:51     Subject: My abusive relationship
OP, I have never been in your shoes but I know full well that sometimes a series of small choices that don't seem significant at the time you make them can lead to consequences that are not only significant, but totally unforeseen.
Please stay strong and don't let anyone judge you from their high horse. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 18:25     Subject: Re:My abusive relationship
I'm venting here because I cannot publicly "come out" in my real life. It's still MY secret. Of course family and close friends know, but that's it. His friends tell him they think I'm a psycho (based on what he tells them) and one even went pretty far to try to help him get out of trouble with the law.

If you don't believe my story that's fine, that's why he still has people enabling him. That's why he won't likely change.

This is a safe place to vent despite the naysayers. Safer than in my real life at least.


Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 18:12     Subject: My abusive relationship
We were using condoms and Plan B did not work for me either OP. So, I do believe it can happen.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 12:58     Subject: My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Glad you got away.


+1

But I have to ask, rather bluntly: Why the hell did you marry him in the first place?


I didn't marry him. He used the promise of marriage to coerce me into becoming a household slave and draining my bank account so I could not financially leave.

I made the choice to leave, all the other choices, including getting pregnant were not choices at all.


You have the choice of getting pregnant. You could have went to the doctor and got on birth control without him knowing. Shot every three months, pill every day, or whatever that thing is every five years. You had choices. You made choices. You made the wrong choice. Accept some type of ownership in your chaotic and abusive life. You need help



I was on two forms of birth control and plan B failed. Not much else besides an abortion could have been done. At the time, he had not yet hit me.


You were on three forms of birth control and none of them worked? TROLL
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 12:20     Subject: Re:My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP I've been in similar shoes so if this is a true story, know that you MUST take responsibility for the choices you made that led you into this situation, the choices you made to stay, and the choices you made to submit to abuse rather than call the police.

You DID have a choice, and you made bad ones. Pretending you didn't have any autonomy will only deprive you of a full and luscious future where you can take what you've learned and make GOOD choices instead. Best of luck to you.


First, I think this above was very powerful and well said, PP.

Second, I'm suspicious of this post. It doesn't feel real. OP doesn't ask for any advice, or anything, just flings her dirty laundry against the wall (I know, I'm mixing metaphors). Anyways, just saying she puts it out there. Then someone comments and she replies to that PP that she doesn't "...have to be your doormat either"

Maybe it's a real post. But OP, then, why are you posting, exactly? What do you want from us? Sympathy? Advice? For us to get in a thread war?


+1
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 12:17     Subject: My abusive relationship
You're not alone! Sooo sorry you had to go through that. Wishing you all the best.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 12:15     Subject: Re:My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:OP I've been in similar shoes so if this is a true story, know that you MUST take responsibility for the choices you made that led you into this situation, the choices you made to stay, and the choices you made to submit to abuse rather than call the police.

You DID have a choice, and you made bad ones. Pretending you didn't have any autonomy will only deprive you of a full and luscious future where you can take what you've learned and make GOOD choices instead. Best of luck to you.


First, I think this above was very powerful and well said, PP.

Second, I'm suspicious of this post. It doesn't feel real. OP doesn't ask for any advice, or anything, just flings her dirty laundry against the wall (I know, I'm mixing metaphors). Anyways, just saying she puts it out there. Then someone comments and she replies to that PP that she doesn't "...have to be your doormat either"

Maybe it's a real post. But OP, then, why are you posting, exactly? What do you want from us? Sympathy? Advice? For us to get in a thread war?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2013 12:07     Subject: Re:My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP I've been in similar shoes so if this is a true story, know that you MUST take responsibility for the choices you made that led you into this situation, the choices you made to stay, and the choices you made to submit to abuse rather than call the police.

You DID have a choice, and you made bad ones. Pretending you didn't have any autonomy will only deprive you of a full and luscious future where you can take what you've learned and make GOOD choices instead. Best of luck to you.


I called the police, he was convicted.



Great! That's an example of a very good choice you made, I'm very happy to hear it! But know that you will never fully move on until you accept that everything that led you to that point was a choice too - ownership of our mistakes is how we keep ourselves from making the same ones again.

Happy to hear things are looking up for you.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2013 21:10     Subject: My abusive relationship
OP, proud of you forgetting out. I was in an abusive relationship also where I was financially supporting abuser and it took a lot of courage to leave.... A year later, I don't miss him at all and wonder that I am such an optimist thy I sugar coated life with him.

It took me some therapy to recover from the shame of having been abused. I still have it as a secret since my x paints himself as Mr Perfect to neighbors and they would believe it completely but I know the truth.

Forgive yourself for having been with him and tread gently.....
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2013 21:05     Subject: Re:My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:OP I've been in similar shoes so if this is a true story, know that you MUST take responsibility for the choices you made that led you into this situation, the choices you made to stay, and the choices you made to submit to abuse rather than call the police.

You DID have a choice, and you made bad ones. Pretending you didn't have any autonomy will only deprive you of a full and luscious future where you can take what you've learned and make GOOD choices instead. Best of luck to you.


I called the police, he was convicted.

Anonymous
Post 11/13/2013 21:04     Subject: My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Glad you got away.


+1

But I have to ask, rather bluntly: Why the hell did you marry him in the first place?


I didn't marry him. He used the promise of marriage to coerce me into becoming a household slave and draining my bank account so I could not financially leave.

I made the choice to leave, all the other choices, including getting pregnant were not choices at all.


You have the choice of getting pregnant. You could have went to the doctor and got on birth control without him knowing. Shot every three months, pill every day, or whatever that thing is every five years. You had choices. You made choices. You made the wrong choice. Accept some type of ownership in your chaotic and abusive life. You need help


I was on two forms of birth control and plan B failed. Not much else besides an abortion could have been done. At the time, he had not yet hit me.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2013 21:03     Subject: My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Glad you got away.


+1

But I have to ask, rather bluntly: Why the hell did you marry him in the first place?


I didn't marry him. He used the promise of marriage to coerce me into becoming a household slave and draining my bank account so I could not financially leave.

I made the choice to leave, all the other choices, including getting pregnant were not choices at all.


And the prospect of being married to this monster was so appealing to you, because....


Look, I'm not his doormat anymore and I'm not going to be your doormat either.

If you've never been in a physically abusive relationship then you don't begin to understand the mind games that go along with that abuse. Consider yourself lucky.
Anonymous
Post 11/13/2013 15:55     Subject: My abusive relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Glad you got away.


+1

But I have to ask, rather bluntly: Why the hell did you marry him in the first place?


I didn't marry him. He used the promise of marriage to coerce me into becoming a household slave and draining my bank account so I could not financially leave.

I made the choice to leave, all the other choices, including getting pregnant were not choices at all.


And the prospect of being married to this monster was so appealing to you, because....