Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have boy/girl twins. At 6 mths I really started to worry because my girl was making significantly more eye contact than my son. Significantly.

I was trying to talk myself out of this fear, knowing I'd love him no matter what, etc.... I was holding him one afternoon while stewing about all of this and when I "came to" and looked down - he was staring right at me and held my gaze for quite a while. It was exactly as if he was telling me to get a grip - he just found other things at least as interesting as me as he was getting new perspectives on the world. It was pretty funny.

He has been significantly later than my daughter to speak, longer to put strings of words together, but always within some reasonable range of normal.

Try not to make yourself any crazier than biology already decides you will be.

(And by the way - he's not a significant preemie - he may be a few weeks behind "classic" middle of the road markers for this first year but the odds are that none of that will matter at all, or still be true, 2 years from now.)

I get really sick of seeing this. That is your experience. Statistics show that even late term preemies have delays at much higher rates than term kids. Much higher. Most -- not a few, but MOST -- preemie parents I know -- and any kid born at 34 weeks is indeed a preemie -- will tell you their kid was late to walk or talk. Some kids don't have delays, of course. But any time there is a significantly increased risk it is good to be aware of it.

You get sick of seeing what? A mother of late preemies saying that her kids don't show significant delays, and that she is optimistic that they will be fine? She said nothing about the statistics. Plus, I would like to see the research that shows that MOST late preemies have significant (not statistically significant, but actually significant) delays or problems, especially beyond their first two years.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have boy/girl twins. At 6 mths I really started to worry because my girl was making significantly more eye contact than my son. Significantly.

I was trying to talk myself out of this fear, knowing I'd love him no matter what, etc.... I was holding him one afternoon while stewing about all of this and when I "came to" and looked down - he was staring right at me and held my gaze for quite a while. It was exactly as if he was telling me to get a grip - he just found other things at least as interesting as me as he was getting new perspectives on the world. It was pretty funny.

He has been significantly later than my daughter to speak, longer to put strings of words together, but always within some reasonable range of normal.

Try not to make yourself any crazier than biology already decides you will be.

(And by the way - he's not a significant preemie - he may be a few weeks behind "classic" middle of the road markers for this first year but the odds are that none of that will matter at all, or still be true, 2 years from now.)

I get really sick of seeing this. That is your experience. Statistics show that even late term preemies have delays at much higher rates than term kids. Much higher. Most -- not a few, but MOST -- preemie parents I know -- and any kid born at 34 weeks is indeed a preemie -- will tell you their kid was late to walk or talk. Some kids don't have delays, of course. But any time there is a significantly increased risk it is good to be aware of it.

A key part of that article in the NYT was that parents can't detect the change.

http://nyti.ms/1b9UleC

From the article:

The eye-tracking differences are not something parents and pediatricians would be able to perceive without the technology and expertise of an autism clinic, Dr. Jones said. “We don’t want to create concern in parents that if a child isn’t looking them in the eyes all the time, it’s a problem,” he said. “It’s not. Children are looking all over the place.”

Autism therapies have not yet been developed for young babies, but there are efforts to adapt intensive behavioral therapy for use with children as young as 12 months, Dr. Jones said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't worry. There is little to nothing you can do at that age other than providing a comforting, nurturing environment (which you are doing). I would worry more if your child is not smiling regularly. Does your child laugh? Does he remember you or notice when you leave the room? I repeat the earlier advice of looking at a milestone chart and seeing if he's dropping off.

Even if your child were to have autism, it would not matter. You will still love them either way. Frankly I'm surprised that no one with a special needs child has flamed you for being so worried about it. It wouldn't be the end of the world either way.

Oh please! Now parents don't have the right to be worried about their kids because it is politically incorrect? I am sure the parents of special needs children do love them very much like any other parent, but think they also would have preferred their kids were neurotypical.

Indeed. Of course it matters whether your child has a disability or not. It doesn't matter for how much you love them, but it matters for what your daily life looks like.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your concern. I have a much-older husband and two little boys. Was especially concerned about the second, who has gone on to have some speech issues and is moody as a 13 year-old girl sometimes, but no autism.

Everyone is right. Worrying won't change his outcome, though early intervention will (and I know you will keep checking on him, so no worries there). FWIW, one study I read said that the father's age was an issue BUT only if the Mom was under 30. Very weird, but true. Found it: "The study by the UC Davis Health System found that advanced paternal age is associated with elevated autism risk only when the father is older and the mother is under 30."

So there you go, hope that helps!

NP here-- That's good to know! (We are loosely planning on one more in a couple of years, when DH will be about 46-47.)

My baby would not look me in the eyes majority of the time. Especially when changing diaper. I though she was embarassed, although i used to think would she know at 7-8 months, then I used to think, "my God is she autistic" then "Is somebody abusing her? although there were no signs of abuse. I think it's just the mommy in us worrying. But, I continued to attempt to make eye contact, played with her a lot and now baby is so social and babbling/talking, all over the place. So, do not worry..spend time playing with baby, talk with baby..

^^But as a former teacher, might I add that yes, all you can do is love your child no matter what, and if he winds up having autism, you get the opportunity to do a bang-up job at keeping on top of his intervention. Kids on the spectrum have some really unique gifts, and overcoming challenges with them is that much more rewarding. This does not make it better, or easier, or okay, but it's what I tell myself if I ever find myself fearing the same.

Have you been to a developmental specialist? Dd was born 5 weeks early and we have been to two, as well as been in touch with early intervention through the county. She's doing great, but it's been a good way to know what to expect at her age and how to encourage development of emerging skills. May be worth a look if you haven't already.

OP,
I have twins who showed signs of autism as very young babies, one more so than the other. We have been told that they do not have autism (they are four now). But one does have some anxiety issues-particularly social anxiety and sometimes avoids eye contact. Autism is such a huge spectrum, and so many behaviors can be misinterpreted.It's so so easy to worry. I was told repeatedly, that the best thing I could do was love my babies, enjoy them, read to them, stare at them (etc).

OP, I understand your concern. I have a much-older husband and two little boys. Was especially concerned about the second, who has gone on to have some speech issues and is moody as a 13 year-old girl sometimes, but no autism.

Everyone is right. Worrying won't change his outcome, though early intervention will (and I know you will keep checking on him, so no worries there). FWIW, one study I read said that the father's age was an issue BUT only if the Mom was under 30. Very weird, but true. Found it: "The study by the UC Davis Health System found that advanced paternal age is associated with elevated autism risk only when the father is older and the mother is under 30."

So there you go, hope that helps!

OP, I have boy/girl twins. At 6 mths I really started to worry because my girl was making significantly more eye contact than my son. Significantly.

I was trying to talk myself out of this fear, knowing I'd love him no matter what, etc.... I was holding him one afternoon while stewing about all of this and when I "came to" and looked down - he was staring right at me and held my gaze for quite a while. It was exactly as if he was telling me to get a grip - he just found other things at least as interesting as me as he was getting new perspectives on the world. It was pretty funny.

He has been significantly later than my daughter to speak, longer to put strings of words together, but always within some reasonable range of normal.

Try not to make yourself any crazier than biology already decides you will be.

(And by the way - he's not a significant preemie - he may be a few weeks behind "classic" middle of the road markers for this first year but the odds are that none of that will matter at all, or still be true, 2 years from now.)

Op, the only reason to worry about something you can't change is to know when to ask for help. Nobody is going to intervene for autism this early. Watch for delays from prematurity and reach out to ei for that when it makes sense. Get a ped you trust and trust them to let you know.

They really do not know what "autism" is as it probably is different for every child. If your kid has autism, it is not the end of the world. We have a diagnosis, and its fine. Lots of therapies but have a great kid I would not change for the world.

Anonymous wrote:Things that you can control and things that you cannot. You will always worry about your child. That's "mother" nature. But if you child has a disability, then they do. And you rise to the occasion. There's no point in worrying today about what may be in the future.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't worry. There is little to nothing you can do at that age other than providing a comforting, nurturing environment (which you are doing). I would worry more if your child is not smiling regularly. Does your child laugh? Does he remember you or notice when you leave the room? I repeat the earlier advice of looking at a milestone chart and seeing if he's dropping off.

Even if your child were to have autism, it would not matter. You will still love them either way. Frankly I'm surprised that no one with a special needs child has flamed you for being so worried about it. It wouldn't be the end of the world either way.

Oh please! Now parents don't have the right to be worried about their kids because it is politically incorrect? I am sure the parents of special needs children do love them very much like any other parent, but think they also would have preferred their kids were neurotypical.