Anonymous
11/07/2013 10:52
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
OP, you posted in the wrong forum. If roles were reversed and your wife was the one who posted this about you. You have no idea how the women will rally on her behalf.
You're the man, you're automatically the enemy.
You're the man, you're automatically the enemy.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 10:03
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No, at this point I do not want a divorce. I have just had to emotionally disengage from her to protect my sanity. No use getting sucked into her great black hole of neediness. I expect her to stand on her own two feet, take responsibility for herself and her feelings and stop blaming everyone else for his unhappiness. In a way, it is how my mother had to deal with my alcoholic father. A strong dose of tough love and not putting up with the BS.
If DW truly seeks therapy and wants to change, I am there to support her. I am not there to continue to enable her bad, self destructive behaviors.
From what you project in this thread, you're removed and deeply contemptuous of your wife. You haven't mentioned a single positive quality nor revealed an ounce of compassion for her. I can't imagine that it doesn't destroy her self esteem and her sense of being loved, especially if you've allied yourself with your daughter. Of course, enabling isn't healthy. But being cold and callous isn't either. You sound like you're more callous than lovingly detached.
Sure she needs therapy, but you sound like you do, too. Couples therapy as well. Something is not right here - and it's not just her problems (or BS as you put it).
+1
Anonymous
11/07/2013 10:02
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
I think everyone is being a bit to hard on OP. sounds like be could be dealing with a borderline personality, and it is actually a good thing that he realizes that she is sick. You would be surprised now many husbands of borderline a try to cater to their every whim, to the detriment of the kids. My concern here though is that OP is not doing enough to protect his daughter. OP, why do you tolerate any mistreatment of your DD? You should be protecting her. And obviously no, do not have another baby.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 09:55
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No, at this point I do not want a divorce. I have just had to emotionally disengage from her to protect my sanity. No use getting sucked into her great black hole of neediness. I expect her to stand on her own two feet, take responsibility for herself and her feelings and stop blaming everyone else for his unhappiness. In a way, it is how my mother had to deal with my alcoholic father. A strong dose of tough love and not putting up with the BS.
If DW truly seeks therapy and wants to change, I am there to support her. I am not there to continue to enable her bad, self destructive behaviors.
From what you project in this thread, you're removed and deeply contemptuous of your wife. You haven't mentioned a single positive quality nor revealed an ounce of compassion for her. I can't imagine that it doesn't destroy her self esteem and her sense of being loved, especially if you've allied yourself with your daughter. Of course, enabling isn't healthy. But being cold and callous isn't either. You sound like you're more callous than lovingly detached.
Sure she needs therapy, but you sound like you do, too. Couples therapy as well. Something is not right here - and it's not just her problems (or BS as you put it).
Yes I agree with this assessment. Whatever negative behaviors she may indulge herself in, you can't be doing her (or your daughter) any favors by being so obviously scornful and dismissive of her. You do seriously sound like you despise her. For both your sakes, but primarily for your daughter, you need to separate. Can you imagine what it is like to grow up as a young girl who knows that her father finds her mother repulsive?
Anonymous
11/07/2013 09:50
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:No, at this point I do not want a divorce. I have just had to emotionally disengage from her to protect my sanity. No use getting sucked into her great black hole of neediness. I expect her to stand on her own two feet, take responsibility for herself and her feelings and stop blaming everyone else for his unhappiness. In a way, it is how my mother had to deal with my alcoholic father. A strong dose of tough love and not putting up with the BS.
If DW truly seeks therapy and wants to change, I am there to support her. I am not there to continue to enable her bad, self destructive behaviors.
From what you project in this thread, you're removed and deeply contemptuous of your wife. You haven't mentioned a single positive quality nor revealed an ounce of compassion for her. I can't imagine that it doesn't destroy her self esteem and her sense of being loved, especially if you've allied yourself with your daughter. Of course, enabling isn't healthy. But being cold and callous isn't either. You sound like you're more callous than lovingly detached.
Sure she needs therapy, but you sound like you do, too. Couples therapy as well. Something is not right here - and it's not just her problems (or BS as you put it).
Anonymous
11/07/2013 09:02
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
The good thing is to be guilty and kind always. But it's not always kind to be gentle and soft. There's a genuine violence in softness and weakness. Sometimes, self-interested is the most generous thing you can be. - Tony Kushner, "Angels in America"
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:54
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
No, at this point I do not want a divorce. I have just had to emotionally disengage from her to protect my sanity. No use getting sucked into her great black hole of neediness. I expect her to stand on her own two feet, take responsibility for herself and her feelings and stop blaming everyone else for his unhappiness. In a way, it is how my mother had to deal with my alcoholic father. A strong dose of tough love and not putting up with the BS.
If DW truly seeks therapy and wants to change, I am there to support her. I am not there to continue to enable her bad, self destructive behaviors.
If DW truly seeks therapy and wants to change, I am there to support her. I am not there to continue to enable her bad, self destructive behaviors.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:42
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
OP, your wife is the perfect candidate for a puppy dog, you should give her one for Christmas.
on a side note, are you considering divorcing this woman? it does not sound like there is any marriage left
on a side note, are you considering divorcing this woman? it does not sound like there is any marriage left
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:31
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:I don't need to manipulate my DD. She sees how Mom behaves. She is 12 years old, and she is not stupid. Also, y'all are right she is not "entitled" to a child - perfect or not. I just don't feel that it would be right, given what I have observed in the course of the marriage, to bring another child into what is essentially a dysfunctional family dynamic. There is nothing wrong with that view. DW has a choice - therapy or no. If no, forget ever having another child. Pretty fair, I think.
You sound like you both hate her. Why are you still married???
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:30
Subject: Re:Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Is she in her late thirties, early forties? The baby freak out is common for this age group. It's probably hormonal. She should see her pcp and get checked out.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:29
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Well, obviously you don't need to have another child if you have decided it will not work for your family. But you are not here seeking advice, you are here to put your wife down. If you are unhappy being married to her, and don't see it changing, get a divorce.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:24
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:I don't need to manipulate my DD. She sees how Mom behaves. She is 12 years old, and she is not stupid. Also, y'all are right she is not "entitled" to a child - perfect or not. I just don't feel that it would be right, given what I have observed in the course of the marriage, to bring another child into what is essentially a dysfunctional family dynamic. There is nothing wrong with that view. DW has a choice - therapy or no. If no, forget ever having another child. Pretty fair, I think.
I completely agree with you OP. I don't know why everyone is being so harsh on you. You sound like the sane voice in the family, and I hope you have a good relationship with your DD. She is going to need you.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:23
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
What is with the men posting these scathing, cold, and contemptuous posts regarding thier wives? OP doesn't reveal an ounce of love for his wife - no wonder she's unstable.
And OP, dangling a second child as a carrot to your wife if she goes to therapy, isn't just cruel, it's dishonest.
And OP, dangling a second child as a carrot to your wife if she goes to therapy, isn't just cruel, it's dishonest.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:17
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:I don't need to manipulate my DD. She sees how Mom behaves. She is 12 years old, and she is not stupid. Also, y'all are right she is not "entitled" to a child - perfect or not. I just don't feel that it would be right, given what I have observed in the course of the marriage, to bring another child into what is essentially a dysfunctional family dynamic. There is nothing wrong with that view. DW has a choice - therapy or no. If no, forget ever having another child. Pretty fair, I think.
Right. You already decided about #2 so that is not even an issue. You came here to hear that your wife is mentally sick or something for "needing a child". That was the title of your post. Your wife maybe has issues, but you are beyond obnoxious.
Anonymous
11/07/2013 08:14
Subject: Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?
Anonymous wrote:Completely agree with 05:17. I'd written and then deleted something similar because I figured you'd write something arrogant in response. You sound like, well, a dick. I'm sure your wife isn't perfect, but you're cold and you're likely manipulating your daughter to choose sides. Therapy, stat.
+1