Anonymous wrote:Currently I have the children most days during the week and DH has them on random days when he does not work and most Friday nights.

If that's the arrangement now, why won't he agree with this going forward?

My ex and I are still fighting who has the kid more than the other parent. I have to record the hours I have my boy and the hours he has him.I also claim him on my taxes since I do have him slightly over 50% and my ex hasn't done taxes in 15 years.
He also had the court not call the $400 he has to pay me a child support but "child administrative expenses"-I shop for his clothes, take him to doctors appointments and make sure all his paperwork (homework, passports, birth certificate, SS card and so on) are in order.As long as they are called administrative expenses, he has no problem paying-must be a mental thing.
Anyhow, we share physical and legal custody.
Seems like it's going to be a battle for you, but it might help if your write down the hours you have the kids already now.

It's better to come up with an agreement before going into court. Was his schedule like this when you all were together? If so, you will just have to work around it. You can't control everything as I have learned and it irks the hell out of me. The kids will get adjusted to it. If he does need a sister maybe you guys can do the interview process together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an ex who is not really able to manage the daily responsibilities/administration of kids, so I know where you're coming from. First, if I were you, I would insist on "right of first refusal" in the custody agreement. This means that whatever you agree on in terms of "custody share", if your ex is not able to personally be with the kids during "his" time, he must ask you first if you would like to spend that time with them, before he looks for a sitter or family member and vice-versa.
My ex asked for this and I said no. The court mediator and my attorney backed me up and my ex's attorney said to give it up. If there is opposition to this, courts aren't likely to grant it.

What was the reason you said no? I can see how right of first refusal would be hard to implement in certain situations (high conflict parental relationship, significant distance between homes, etc.)

Honestly, it wasn't about conflict or distance. I just couldn't imagine having my ex so much in my business. Also, when you get a babysitter, the kids are in your home and when you use your ex you have to send them to your ex's home. It's not that I don't use my ex instead of a babysitter. I just don't want to be court ordered to do so.

Anonymous wrote:I have an ex who is not really able to manage the daily responsibilities/administration of kids, so I know where you're coming from. First, if I were you, I would insist on "right of first refusal" in the custody agreement. This means that whatever you agree on in terms of "custody share", if your ex is not able to personally be with the kids during "his" time, he must ask you first if you would like to spend that time with them, before he looks for a sitter or family member and vice-versa.

My ex asked for this and I said no. The court mediator and my attorney backed me up and my ex's attorney said to give it up. If there is opposition to this, courts aren't likely to grant it.

Good luck with reaching an agreement. It can be really hard to get to a middle ground where you are both happy. But, you're not likely to get to a better place if the courts decide for you.

What was the reason you said no? I can see how right of first refusal would be hard to implement in certain situations (high conflict parental relationship, significant distance between homes, etc.)

I have an ex who is not really able to manage the daily responsibilities/administration of kids, so I know where you're coming from. First, if I were you, I would insist on "right of first refusal" in the custody agreement. This means that whatever you agree on in terms of "custody share", if your ex is not able to personally be with the kids during "his" time, he must ask you first if you would like to spend that time with them, before he looks for a sitter or family member and vice-versa.

My ex asked for this and I said no. The court mediator and my attorney backed me up and my ex's attorney said to give it up. If there is opposition to this, courts aren't likely to grant it.

Good luck with reaching an agreement. It can be really hard to get to a middle ground where you are both happy. But, you're not likely to get to a better place if the courts decide for you.

In Montgomery County, anything over 5 of 14 days is considered "joint physical custody" and the child support worksheets all based off of the split.

50/50 is not always ideal, but "joint legal and physical" custody can be achieved without 50/50.

In my case, I have 8 out of 14 days, and ex has 6 out of 14 days. In week 1, I have Tues, Wed, Thurs, while in week 2 I have Wed, Thurs, Friday, Saturday, Sun.

I have an ex who is not really able to manage the daily responsibilities/administration of kids, so I know where you're coming from. First, if I were you, I would insist on "right of first refusal" in the custody agreement. This means that whatever you agree on in terms of "custody share", if your ex is not able to personally be with the kids during "his" time, he must ask you first if you would like to spend that time with them, before he looks for a sitter or family member and vice-versa.

Second, I would do what you can to facilitate the early bedtime on your end. For example, if you are able to pick up the kids after school and supervise homework and feed them, then do so every day. You can do the whole homework, dinner, and bath routine so that all your ex has to do is pick them up in their jammies, take them home and put them to bed. There is nothing magical about "having family dinner" that can't be accomplished by "having family breakfast". Talk to your ex, make sure that he knows you fully support him having the kids, but given his work schedule you suggest that you get the kids all prepped (homework, dinner, bath) and that the ex focus in the evenings on getting them home, having a calm soothing family story time and putting them to routine bed. Encourage him to make new special family routines in the morning at his house -- they make breakfast together, kids help set the table, he does something special that only happens at his house (pancake or waffle making?), etc. Anyway, wouldn't he like to have fun/cheery time with them in the morning when they are fresh, rather than cranky, rushed, stressed time with them in the evening when they are over-tired and he feels like there is a lot to do before they can be put to bed.

Depending on the timing and how you get along, maybe you can even have him in your home for dinner. (i.e. if he would get to your house for pickup at 7pm, but that is normally in the middle of dinner, invite him to sit down with you and then take the kids afterwards instead of making the kids wait for a late dinner and then get cranky. Of course, this only works if you two can not fight.)