PP here -- I also use a sitter service, ASAPSitters.com. No need to build a sitter list. Very reasonably priced.

Anonymous wrote:We have 10-month old twins and our weekends are just miserable. Our kids are great, but taking care of them, plus grocery shopping, cooking, household chores, etc, is completely exhausting and soul-sucking. (DH and I both work full time so weekends are the only time for all this.) The stress of it is bringing out all our other stresses (and there are many; DH hates his job, we need to move but can't find a house that makes sense) and by Sunday night, we basically end up despising each other.

I can't see any way out of this cycle. We have thought about a regular date night but honestly, most Saturday nights we are so tired that I think it would feel like a burden to have to go out and try to have fun.

Advice?

Mom of twin 4 yo girls:

- order groceries online and have them delivered or pick them up (free). Or, one of you runs the errands and one of you stays home. Then swap the following weekend.
- Outsource what you can. You'd be surprised at how cheap it is to drop off your laundry to be wash, dried and folded. For me (1 adult, 2 kids) it is about $30 for a week of laundry. (I do my own underwear and towels)
- make a list of the bare minimum you need to do to live in your house - for me it's vacuum, dishes, and a relatively clean bathroom. Do only that. Any extra you get to is a bonus.
- do something fun with the kids: take them for walks, kiddie playground, take them to the pool, whatever. Just find something that will wear them out. You'll be rewarded with a good night's sleep.
- Make your date night an at home night. Get your favorite food, wine, and then pick a movie or board game.
- Nap when they nap. Both of you.

It does get better. I promise.

Get them into a preschool as soon as possible. Get a waiver if their birthdays miss the cutoff dates.

Off topic from the thread but how does one go about this? My DD misses preschool cut-off age by 2 days!

Hire a cleaning lady.
Have most groceries delivered.
Each of you take half a day each weekend to go do something by yourself.

twins= two babies at the same f*$%ing time!

agree with all the above. we have a 20 month old and a 3 year old and weekend are still tough but we have figured out that things work best when we do a combination of divide and conquer, family time and outsourcing (whether TV or babysitter or whatever). Plus, they get easier and more interesting. 10 months is tough. Do they stillnap 2x/day?

Here's what works for us:

bulk groceries are peapod during the week. Weekends are for dry cleaning, hardware store, things we forgot from peapod, etc. Housekeeper every 2 weeks, but basially our house is messy all the time, and only moderately clean (we keep those clorox wipes in all the bathrooms to wipe up, and vacuum 1x/week).

saturday morning: Dad gets the kids up and out: first breakfast out, then an errand (always a comedy with the both of them) or farmer's market, then the park or building museum or something. Mom helps with getting everyone out the door, then takes an exercise class, showers, tidies up and does some bills or other quiet stuff.
Lunchtime: Dad comes home with kids. Mom does lunch, younger one naps and older one has a combination of playing with mom, 'helping' to cook, and, frequently, a video or two while Mom cooks or preps dinner. Dad goes for a run or does errands, etc.

3:30-5:30 pm: family time: take kids out and basically exhaust them. We like to go to the zoo, now. When our kids were younger we took them for long walksin the double stroller.

5:30 to 6:30 One parent does baths while the other one gets dinner on the table. This is harder with 2 little ones for sure, but maybe you alternate baths nightly. Can you put one kid in a jumperoo or something?

dinner--put kids to bed (for us, this goes from 7:30 to 8:30).

8:30: OPEN BOTTLE OF WINE, sit down with spouse, eat if we didn't earlier, watch a movie, cuddle, have sex, etc. Do NOT turn on computer or check email (a new rule). Leave dishes until sunday morning.

Sunday: Family time in the morning if possible: trip to a pumpkin patch, out to brunch, to a park, etc. Same deal with lunch and naps although I'll often take the older one to run errands with me while daughter sleeps and DH catches up on whatever. Or DH takes older kid out and I tidy and prepare for week while younger one naps.

We get a sitter on sunday nights about 1x/month--have the sitter come at 6, and finish up dinner/put our kids to bed. We go our for a light bite and come home and watch Homeland or whateer sunday night show is on.

caveat: I rarely, rarely get beyond tidying up the mess that wemake on a daily basis. ANy kind of major house project, cleaning, organiziation happens during rare times like furlough or taking a mental health day. If you think that with 10 month old twins you are going to accomplish anything beyond survival , you have another think coming!!!

Nap when they nap - or engage in adult activities during nap time. I didn't have twins, but when my kids were young that was the only time we had any energy was the middle of the day. It was even ok if we did just nap and didn't do anything "fun"

chores can wait.

OP, I agree with the posters who suggest outsourcing things. Hire a cleaning service to come once a week or every other week if you think you can manage that long. They will clean everything thoroughly and you will only need to worry about upkeep. Order your groceries to be delivered on Friday night. Plan all of your meals and keep it simple - you and your husband do not need to eat elaborate meals every night and if you are keeping things very simple, there is no reason that you could not throw together a healthy dinner in less than half an hour. Switch hit on who spends that 30 minutes cooking. Maybe have one or two nights a week when you do it together. Don't plan any big home improvement projects, and try not to schedule activities where one parent is flying solo for many hours at a time.

OP, I second what everyone else is saying.

Your problem is, with kids 10 months old, you and your DH are still mentally in your "old" life, while your new reality is slapping you in the face. Don't worry; this is perfectly common and eventually -- like by the time the kids are a year or 18 months old -- you will gradually realize that yes, they are here to stay. That is a turning point moment.

What is means is that you will drastically lower your expectations. You will realize that your weekends (and much of your other time, for that matter) is no longer about you. It will remain this way until the kids are about 4 and you will see a big improvement then. At that point, it may actually become fun, because they will be old enough to really do things that you will enjoy.

Meantime, listen to the OP who says that now, you are just in survival mode. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS and just go with the flow. This too, shall pass.

One more idea -- in addition to the others I would have suggested too -- maybe do your grocery shopping on a weeknight. One of you takes the kids and does the bedtime routine and the other goes out. I'm divorced, and being able to run an errand or two during the weekday evenings is something I miss. Stores are a lot less crowded on a weeknight, so it takes less time too. Exercise -- that helps immensely.

I used to say to my ex that we were in the "tough years." He didn't get it, but a reasonable partner that you can communicate with, hopefully he will.

Do you bulk shop so you can go less frequently? If not, consider it.

You can each go once every three weeks to Costco and Target for stock-ups on your way home from work. So on November 4, you go to Costco and get home at 7:30. On November 11, your DH goes to Target. On November 25, you go to Costco...repeat. It'll take the sting out of weekend errand running and allow you to get it done during the week. You can run out for fresh foods as needed on weeknights or while at work. But hopefully, this approach means you never run out of diaper or paper towels or sugar.

Do you do Peapod? Maybe have that come Saturday morning first thing.

Have groceries delivered--grocery shopping is a pain with a baby. Hire a housecleaning service if you can--even once or twice a month. When you cook, cook batches of sauce or whatever and freeze to have some quick meals, or use the slow cooker. Take naps when the babies nap. Sleep deprivation is a killer.

And the best thing I can recommend, having been there recently, is to do your best to be kind to each other. Cut each other some slack. Say thank you. Little things can really make a difference.

Anonymous wrote:It gets worse.

Start building your sitter list. It will save your sanity when you need a break or to get something done during the day on weekends.

Wait until they're both 2 and come running in and jumping on you and 6 AM on Saturday AND Sunday mornings. They will demand CONSTANT attention from you - all weekend until almost 5 years. You will always be searching for a way to occupy them while you get something done.

However, by age 2 1/2, you'll no longer feel guilty about sitting them in front of the TV for an hour. Then you'll buy a couple of LeapPads and a bunch of "educational" iPad apps.

Very soon, you'll be screaming at your parents and in-laws to get their butts to town to help out.

Get them into a preschool as soon as possible. Get a waiver if their birthdays miss the cutoff dates. I look forward to Monday all weekend. Work for me. School for them.

No, it doesn't. Two year olds are still difficult, but they're a lot less work than at 10 months.

Hang in there, it will be tough for the next couple years so try to make some of your tasks easier - have groceries delivered, or get a Roomba, or use a laundry service, whatever would work to make your lives easier as far as the household tasks.

It gets worse.

Start building your sitter list. It will save your sanity when you need a break or to get something done during the day on weekends.

Wait until they're both 2 and come running in and jumping on you and 6 AM on Saturday AND Sunday mornings. They will demand CONSTANT attention from you - all weekend until almost 5 years. You will always be searching for a way to occupy them while you get something done.

However, by age 2 1/2, you'll no longer feel guilty about sitting them in front of the TV for an hour. Then you'll buy a couple of LeapPads and a bunch of "educational" iPad apps.

Very soon, you'll be screaming at your parents and in-laws to get their butts to town to help out.

Get them into a preschool as soon as possible. Get a waiver if their birthdays miss the cutoff dates. I look forward to Monday all weekend. Work for me. School for them.

Go to bed early. Everything is better with more sleep.

Date days as PPs suggested.

After a rough day, once the kids are in bed, take a moment to express three appreciations for each other. It sounds corny, but sometimes it really helps us have a warm fuzzy to hear what our spouse thought we did well or what meant something to them that day.

Similarly corny, when we know we are going into a situation where we might fight (as you know you are each weekend), we pinky swear to each other that we won't. If our tone starts going downhill, one of us says, "Hey, remember our pinky swear?" It usually helps us muster up our better selves.

And hang in there.