I can't help but wonder if those advocating distance are the same people we hear bitching on the Family Relationship threads about how shitty their parents are and how much they hate o be around them. Cause or effect of leaving at 18.

I don't think leaving at 18 has anything to do with how close you are with my parents. I was the pp above who grew up in Chicago and went to school in the West Coast and now live far away from my family, and I am very close to my parents. We visit a few times a year and I talk to my mom on the phone nearly every day. We just have a family culture that doesn't rely on geography to stay close. It has always been my family's philosophy that you live where you have the best opportunities in life: educational and professional. In my case, there was a school that was a really great fit for me that happened to be on the West Coast. Part of this, I think is that my mom was a military brat whose mother immigrated from another country, so moving around has always just been taken as part of life.

My SIL went to school a three hour drive away from home and she doesn't get along with my MIL at all, so I think there is really very little correlation.

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder if those advocating distance are the same people we hear bitching on the Family Relationship threads about how shitty their parents are and how much they hate o be around them. Cause or effect of leaving at 18.

Chicken/egg. Maybe those who want/wanted to go far away were getting away from bad family situations (like PP who mentions acrimonious divorce).

I can't help but wonder if those advocating distance are the same people we hear bitching on the Family Relationship threads about how shitty their parents are and how much they hate o be around them. Cause or effect of leaving at 18.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it.
My kids will go to the closest university.

Kids want to go far so they can slut around, end up pregnant then have an abortion.

Read the other threads.

You're totally right. Every kid I know wants an abortion. Even the guys. They're so in right now.

From New England, went to one of the Claremont Colleges, loved it! But I had family in northern California so I could go to them for Thxgiving and Easter. I think for me, the presence of other family on that coast mattered.

I went to college 1400 miles from home and loved it. Older sibs went to places 300 and 500 miles from home, and while it's true I didn't see them much during the school year, we did have family holidays together. And I got the chance to be the only child for a while, which was very sweet.

I'm not sure how much a child's natural sense of responsibility needs to play into it. Probably the overall school setting and surroundings is more key. I was at a SLAC in a small town with very involved faculty. Students lived largely in on-campus housing, and most of our social life was on campus. Probably my parents would have worried more if I was on an urban campus where I was more on my own, even if I was closer to home.

OP - it's a fair question and I don't know why anyone would give you grieve to ask. My DD was recruited for sports at Berkeley and Princeton. She was actually set on Berkeley but ended up at Princeton at the last minute. We didn't try to influence her one way or the other. I thought I would have been ok with CA, but I'm so glad in hindsight she didn't go there because we were able to see her compete often since Princeton is only a 3 hour drive away.

My sister had a son who went to school in Texas. She just said that that was fine but that it was so expensive whenever he flew home on holidays when the airlines really jack up the rates. Thanksgiving rates are the worst since everyone comes and goes at the same time. Sister said to expect to pay several extra thousands per year on flights.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP about the younger kid angle. My 15-year-old is very close with her 19-year-old twin siblings, and having them only 30 minutes away in College Park is wonderful. They come home now and then to attend her volleyball games or just hang out with her, and she gets to visit them once in a while.

This is an angle I hadn't really considered (and I'm embarrassed to admit it! LOL). My two are 5 years apart but very close. If they both go far away for college (and far from each other), they will see relatively little of each other for, what, 10 years.

Some kids just want to get far away from the insanity of this area (as reflected by the DCUM school forums).

I agree with PP about the younger kid angle. My 15-year-old is very close with her 19-year-old twin siblings, and having them only 30 minutes away in College Park is wonderful. They come home now and then to attend her volleyball games or just hang out with her, and she gets to visit them once in a while.

One factor to consider is whether you have younger kids who'll still be at home for a few years. We have found that the bond among our 3 kids has been strengthened by having the older kids at college just a few hours away. The youngest has been able to visit them occasionally, meet their friends, attend athletic events, and see their dorms; the older kids have -- more occasionally -- come home to see their sister's games. This would, of course, have been more difficult logistically and more expensive if they had been on the other coast.

Oh, forgot to say, I started far away and loved it. Transferred to an ivy close to home and really hated getting back involved inmy parent's crazy again.

If you can afford an extra plane ticket or two during the year, then it is no big deal. Fly 5 or drive 10, which is closer in an emergency, anyway.

That said, I would only do it if the school was worth it because different than the local offerings. I also would only do it If my kid was responsible.

I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and went to college on the west coast. I find it odd that people are so obsessed with having their kids stay near unless it is for financial reasons (in state tuition). I think it was really great for me to develop a sense of independence and learn how to make friends and live in a new place in a controlled environment. My parents were fine with it; my dad went to college far from home and my mother went to graduate school on an opposite coast from where she grew up. Plus, my grandmother immigrated from Japan, so the notion that families can be spread far apart is just sort of taken as part of life in my family. I have a lot of friends who went to Northwestern--and one of my good friends who went there didn't seem to have the experience of getting exposed to a new place and not hanging out with high school friends that people who went to school further away had.

I think the other thing that is missing from this discussion is the fact that whether you are a 5 hour plane ride away, or 2 hour plane ride away, it's unlikely that you are going to come home more frequently than Christmas and summer. My husband was a 3 hour drive from home, and he rarely came back on weekends or even for summer break because he was working in a lab in undergrad, had homework, and had a on campus social life. When you are busy with schoolwork, a flight or long drive is disruptive regardless. When I was in graduate school, I was only an hour and a half long plane ride away from my parents and I came home even more infrequently than in college.

My son went to Stanford. He was tortured at the idea of being so far from home. Eventually we agreed that each month either we would fly him home for a weekend or one of us would fly out to visit him. It took until march of his freshman year to ask to skip a month. That's when we knew my mamas boy would stay for all four years.