Anonymous wrote:OP here: I am not looking for someone to tell me that I am perfect and he is wrong, or vice versa, so I will just ignore the posts which do that. I am also not planning to start any SAHM wars. I will just say I have been SAH, wah, and woh after the child was born, and the problems did not go away! My job was either not important enough, or not stable enough, or not hard enough compared to his.
H does not have to stay with me if he does not like me; he knows that he has fucked up twice now (he was married before), so he has his reasons to stay. The irony is, he had the same complaints of his first wife...but I digress.
As for basic stuff...I did not mean everyday stuff like taking out trash or unloading dishwasher. He does it very occasionally. I mean, if you have a child you provide for the child - and for the mom until he is older (or take primary custody). It's not something you "appreciate"; it's like I if I demanded appreciation of say changing diapers at night, or staying awake with a baby with teething pain... These are things that you just do, just because you have a baby. Same thing about playing with your child. This is what I am trying to understand and I can't! What is there to appreciate?
You don't get it. Go back and read the first page of this thread slowly, over and over.
You wouldn't appreciate if he thanked you in the morning for letting him sleep and for getting up with the baby? You wouldn't appreciate if he if noticed the small things you did that he was grateful for? You don't demand it but it is pretty nice when your partner appreciates you.
Your expectations are off. You don't just expect he be the sole provider for both of you and therefore that isn't worthy of appreciation. You should appreciate that.
Stop seeing it as all or nothing. Your viewpoint is that unless he becomes superdad and awesome husband then there is nothing to appreciate. You need to break this down. It is a good thing you are in therapy. You come across as very rigid and critical in your thinking. You are stubborn and don't want to give an inch. This contribution to the dynamic will kill the marriage as much as what he does.