^^my son is now in sixth grade

My son went through an awful experience at his Mont. Co elementary school in third grade. Looking back, I can tell you that I wish I had done something earlier. We ended up pulling him out of the school for the next school year. He loves his new school and is thriving, but I still see the effects of bullying. It has had a long lasting impact on his self-esteem. I don't really have any constructive suggestions, but consider transferring within county schools or to a private if you think it is necessary. I wanted to believe that my child should just tough it out and learn a lesson about life. I now wish, I had moved him out of the situation earlier.

I'm the PP with the straight A daughter (who was unteachable according to that ***) who says keep your mouth shut unless it is completely unbearable. I went to the principal early in the year with some pretty severe allegations. The teacher backed off for a couple of months but really came after DD with a vengeance after that. I ended up writing a very lengthy letter...more like a book with footnotes that referenced e-mails throughout the year at year end. The school counselor was on speed dial. I couldn't concentrate at work nor could I sleep. It was living hell. I did what I had to do because it was egregious but if your DC is not facing such an egregious attack, I would lay low. I agree that my DD was chosen because I am not popular, work full time and have a very, very nice kid.

What school does not allow parent volunteers... That is veryyyyyodd!!

I know Wayside too. I think this is risky. Not too sound overly dramatic but its like a hostage situation where your hostages are the kids. They dont allow parent volunteers in the class. I dont know why. Then if you wave a hint of criticism they circle the wagons and make you look like the over-protective helicopter parent. If you take the aggressive, brave (and correct) approach, just be careful very very very careful, and warn your child for the retaliation that is certain to come. I know Wayside and that is what they will do. They have a new principal so maybe it will be different now but I doubt it because the assistant principal is the same.

Anonymous wrote:Adult bullies are not that different from child bullies. They will attack the ones they perceive as being weaker and often back off when confronted. If the teacher perceives that you are fearful of her she will not stop.

If you say nothing, you can be assured that this teacher will continue bullying your child. If you say something to the principal and are tactful but firm its much more probable that the teacher will back off not retaliate and risk further action. If she does retaliate, you are no worse off since she is already being mean. If she raises the level of inappropriate behavior you are armed for further action.

I think I agree. The first step would be a "pretend-ally" approach where you sweetly approach the teacher about the kid feeling like she doesn't like him. Now she knows you're paying attention and that may end it right there. If not, raise it with the principal after that. I don't think i'd have a second conversation with the teacher.
Then, you bet I'd sit in on the class. Especially if she says the kid is making things up.

Anonymous wrote:Adult bullies are not that different from child bullies. They will attack the ones they perceive as being weaker and often back off when confronted. If the teacher perceives that you are fearful of her she will not stop.

If you say nothing, you can be assured that this teacher will continue bullying your child. If you say something to the principal and are tactful but firm its much more probable that the teacher will back off not retaliate and risk further action. If she does retaliate, you are no worse off since she is already being mean. If she raises the level of inappropriate behavior you are armed for further action.

16:00 and 15:30 here -- and I wholeheartedly agree!!
I know it is tough when you feel your kid is unprotected and in a bad situation without you -- but dang...I want to beat the teacher down for you!!
Do. Something!!

Adult bullies are not that different from child bullies. They will attack the ones they perceive as being weaker and often back off when confronted. If the teacher perceives that you are fearful of her she will not stop.

If you say nothing, you can be assured that this teacher will continue bullying your child. If you say something to the principal and are tactful but firm its much more probable that the teacher will back off not retaliate and risk further action. If she does retaliate, you are no worse off since she is already being mean. If she raises the level of inappropriate behavior you are armed for further action.

Anonymous wrote:
"Then you need to complain to the principal, teacher, whomever. You cannot say suffer in silence then take out on the union because you did not lodge the complaints and have it documented that which is your issue."

And there lies the catch. How do you do that without subjecting the OP's son/daughter to retaliation.

That is a valid question, and I think it varies according to a lot of different factors -- openess and leadership of the administration, all the personalities involved -- teacher -- principal,etc. You have to base your strategy on a lot of different things.
2 of the biggest factors are YOUR personality and that of your child. Is your child mature enough to be guided through what may be a TOUGH situation. If you decide to take this on -- can you coach your child through it -- being strong --- reporting exactly what happens -- perhaps even scripting out what she needs to say if the teacher flips out on her -- "...no you cannot speak to me in that manner, we can take this up with the principal and my parents". Script according to age and ability.
But I have to be honest -- I am one of those people that feels like both your DH and your DC need to think you have a little bit of crazy in you. So in this case that crazy ass teacher needs to be introduced to a new and improved level of crazy. I would have that *beep* thinking that I am willing to quit/lose my job to sit my happy behind in her classroom every.stinking.day. You do not get to be mean to children and not answer for it. At the very least, she may think 2x the next time.

Anonymous wrote:^^ pp here -- I don't mean to sound unsympathetic at all.
It's just that you it's hard to hear someone complain but not willing to take any action, then be upset because nothing was done. I totally get that it is a hard situation that takes diplomacy, tact, and strategy to deal with. Bottom line, you need to speak up, complain to the principal, document, make it known that retaliation will not be tolerated, show up in the classroom as a volunteer A LOT, are you in a 1 party state...put a small recorder on your kid. You cannot do *nothing*, it won't make it better. -It will just teach your kid to be a victim and leave other kids vulnerable to this teacher's dsyfunction.
Dealt with something similiar(not as bad) during k and 1st grade. DC had a mean teacher. I some email correspondence with the teacher (copying the principal) and the problem ended. And yes -- this teacher was what I considered mean when you are talking 5 and 6 yr olds.
Not everyone folds as easy as this person, but please try to do something.

this was 15:30 responding...not 15:47

^^ pp here -- I don't mean to sound unsympathetic at all.
It's just that you it's hard to hear someone complain but not willing to take any action, then be upset because nothing was done. I totally get that it is a hard situation that takes diplomacy, tact, and strategy to deal with. Bottom line, you need to speak up, complain to the principal, document, make it known that retaliation will not be tolerated, show up in the classroom as a volunteer A LOT, are you in a 1 party state...put a small recorder on your kid. You cannot do *nothing*, it won't make it better. -It will just teach your kid to be a victim and leave other kids vulnerable to this teacher's dsyfunction.
Dealt with something similiar(not as bad) during k and 1st grade. DC had a mean teacher. I some email correspondence with the teacher (copying the principal) and the problem ended. And yes -- this teacher was what I considered mean when you are talking 5 and 6 yr olds.
Not everyone folds as easy as this person, but please try to do something.

"Then you need to complain to the principal, teacher, whomever. You cannot say suffer in silence then take out on the union because you did not lodge the complaints and have it documented that which is your issue."

And there lies the catch. How do you do that without subjecting the OP's son/daughter to retaliation.

Anonymous wrote:We are at Wayside. I dont know if we have the same mean teacher but it would be interesting if we do. Many people say talk to the teacher but you can't because it seems the consensus is that they will retaliate if you do. I guess what many people say is you just have to suck it up and have the whole family siffer in silence with a fake overly-sweet smile on your face. I understand that this may be reality but it just does not seem right. Especially when the funds are paid for with our tax dollars. Well, next time the County wants to take on teacher unions, you can bet I will be their loudest cheerleader.

Then you need to complain to the principal, teacher, whomever. You cannot say suffer in silence then take out on the union because you did not lodge the complaints and have it documented that which is your issue.

We are at Wayside. I dont know if we have the same mean teacher but it would be interesting if we do. Many people say talk to the teacher but you can't because it seems the consensus is that they will retaliate if you do. I guess what many people say is you just have to suck it up and have the whole family siffer in silence with a fake overly-sweet smile on your face. I understand that this may be reality but it just does not seem right. Especially when the funds are paid for with our tax dollars. Well, next time the County wants to take on teacher unions, you can bet I will be their loudest cheerleader.

No way are you are getting out of that class. Politically, you can't or 30 other parents are going to demand the same thing. I'm sure that you aren't the first to complain. The reason I mentioned support group is that in my case, my DC suffered emotional bullying. My DD was too embarrassed to tell me but would confirm things Iike spent 2/3 of afterschool club in the bathroom crying after having been bullied by said teacher. I would hear these things often by my friends first. This support group wasn't official...just other parents who were willing to call or send emails. Like PP mentioned, my DC was also the target of a teacher who wanted to be popular. I totally agree that you have to teach your kids that there are many jerks in life but there does become a time when this becomes intolerable. FWIW in ES my DC had many teachers in ES and this one was the only problem. I had heard things about her the year before but thought parents were overreacting.