I love how everyone is projecting their own stuff onto the OP and his family. If I were the OP I'd take a good number of the comments here with a grain of salt.

Nah. Dad here is playing "perfect parent." I've been in those families. It's not quite what he says in his oh so innocent post----again, he significantly impacted family finances, as in: I quit a good job to start my own poorly planned business, mom has to work and we are broke as shit. Oops. Then he comes up with kid rules, asks his wife to enforce them and accuses her of not having a "unified front" when she disagrees.

Of course the kids are pissed and don't respect him. Respect is earned, not given, and you don't get it just for existing.

My DD gets snotty as a defense mechanism when she doesn't want to admit she's wrong. I try to remember that but it's hard. I often say "Watch your tone. You wouldn't speak to your friends that way (or she wouldn't have any!) and you won't speak to me that way either." She doesn't have to like what you say but she needs to be respectful - to everyone.

It's definitely a teenage "thing" but that's no excuse for not nipping it in the bud.

QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally. It is not about you. She is a teen, individuating from you (which is necessary and appropriate developmentally speaking).

I highly recommend the book, The Blessing of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel. Great guidelines for understanding our teens, living with their behavior, and guiding them to adult independence.