Anonymous wrote:The use of the ellipses...for sentence structure...reminds me of this poster

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/338573.page

And?

The use of the ellipses...for sentence structure...reminds me of this poster

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/338573.page

I think he is stringing you along, dangling the house as bait because he knows you might have the 'talk' soon and he is not going to commit. So, preempt her, show her house brochures so she'll perk up and pay you extra attention. But continue to say nothing.

I would just date other people and put him on the back burner. The wayyy back burner, the one in your unused downstairs kitchen.

He's no Mr. Big and you are no Carrie.

OP, if he is playing games - breaking up, getting back together, you can't have a conversation about the future, etc., then I would move on. IF a serious commitment is what you want.

Maybe give him one last chance to have a heart to heart with you about what he wants. But otherwise, why waste your time?

- fellow single mom, dating

I don't see his desire for a bigger house as something to read into in terms of where he sees your relationship going. This could go so many ways as a "sign" — and he could very well not even be seeing it as anything other than being at a point he'd like to invest in a bigger place, and would like a woman's opinion irregardless of whether you'll be the first, last, or just one in a series of woman who could spend the night there.

You'll need to talk to HIM to get any answers, if he's even at a place to have them.

You seeing him as "Mr. Big" does not sound like it bodes well to me, though. Come on, that guy was so immature yet old, had an affair, and even on his wedding day made a run for it. Yes, he had money, but I never got it. Get a guy who will be straight forward with you, and who you can ask these questions to yourself without the fear that asking him is going to make him panic.

After reading your post OP, something stands out to me that is very clear.

The questions you are asking yourself and us are things you should be asking him directly.

Instead you are trying to figure out his intentions based on his actions which is like a guessing game.
Games are for kids.

You are two grown adults now. With your own children.

You should both be able to communicate your wants, desires, etc. to each other instead of trying to figure them out via actions.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom dating a single dad for just over a year, we split up because he didn't want to be exclusive with anyone, but then are back together.... we have young kids the same age adn he knows i would like a blended family some day......and now boyfriend, who is a Mr. Big type, is showing me all sorts of brochures for houses, is going house-hunting for a bigger house, and is asking me for my opinion on this all..... I'm wondering if my mr. big is just playing games stringing me along with the talk of a bigger house, trying to give me the implicit hope about the bigger house "meaning" something -- but am playing it off as ift his house is just for him, that I'm never expecting that he'd want me to live there, etc.... but he says things abotu whether he thinks i would like the neighborhood or not, etc....

So my question is: should i read into this prospective shopping as meaning he is considering the notion of a blended family after all? or is he just stringing me along with the hope that some day he'll want to settle down and make a commitment - he's late 40s for what its worth, never married before....

You have children! Out on your big girl panties and ask. He's string you and your babies along. Ugh.

Oh and I bet if you ask him why he cares if you like the hood of the new house, he'll say he wants you to feel comfortable coming to visit.

Do NOT by a home with him. If he is a Mr. Big type, he's a selfish narcissist and won't share the house. Better a small house full of love.

OP here: I'm definitely not going along house-hunting, and have not even really looked at the brochures he is showing me... I get the sense that I can't force a conversation on him, and have to keep some distrance so he approaches me with the conversation... In the interim, until HE asks to be exclusive explicitly, I will date other people as well as him.... Becuase I can't force a decision on him, and think that wil make me look needy.... I just wonder if showing me this house stuff is his - less direct - way of telling me something, or if he is just testing me....

This relationship sounds way too vague and uncommitted. Frankly, I am surprised that you--a divorced mom--would put yourself in such a passive position. You break up, get back together and yet you cannot even have a basic conversation about the direction of the relationship and commitment? You are in a relationship where you think he is 'testing' you? The relationship doesn't sound very solid, but more than that, you sound like you have a lot of maturing to do. By this point in your life, you should only be dating someone you can actually communicate directly with about matters of importance. Tiptoeing around, wondering what he's thinking, being too scared to be direct, not even knowing if you two are exclusive--this is typical of recent college grads who are entering the dating world, not middle age adults who presumably have matured past that point.

And, to answer your question I think this guy is wasting your time. I think a man who is in his late 40s and has never been married and is a "Mr. Big" type will be very unlikely to make any commitment, particularly one to a woman with kids. And if you two haven't even had a discussion about exclusivity, you are very ,very far from moving in together. Or you should be. I'd have a real sit down, 'state of the union' talk and see what happens. I'd also practice being direct and forthright about my desires, hopes, and expectations in a relationship much earlier on.

So in the Man-lingo language, "bigger house" means "different woman."

Just kidding.

How long have you been back together? Is he on Match.com? Hasn't he said why he wants a bigger house? I don't know OP ...

He's late 40s and never been married with a kid. Should tell you alot about him, OP. This question is more suitable for twentysomethings.

So we've got a divorced mom who has been dating a man who obviously can't commit to anyone/ anything, for over a year, and she's polling DCUM for insight into what this "boyfriend" is thinking.

OP, I feel sorry for your kids.