Anonymous wrote:To the poster whose family cut off the siblings, did you do it when they were denying they had a problem? I am struggling with what to do with a sibling who is acknowledging that they are struggling and seeking help. The problem is there are still days when bad decisions are made. She is not abusive towards me in an aggressive way, I am just concerned about the kids. I have tried to make clear what my limits or boundaries but it is hard to cut someone off when there are kids in the picture and I think she wants to get better. How best to deal with that? Oh, I have for the record already started seeing a therapist to help me deal with this. Therapy does help.

For sibling #1 I said you are not allowed in my house if you have been drinking, so she never came over again. The rest of the family coddled her and eventually she died.

For sibling #2 his wife thought he was an alcoholic and that is all I needed to know. So the whole family cut him off, she moved out and he took 1 year to get sober.

For sibling #3 it was undeniable, he went to rehab, he came out and drank, he went to rehab, came out and drank, got a DWI and we all agreed, no contact at all. His wife got a restraining order and we all refused to answer our phones, he went to a 1/2 way house (I know crazy right, jail and a 1/2 way house) then eventually AA, sponsor, his own apartment, it took 5 YEARS from start to finish.

It will be really hard if the husband is not on board.

To the poster whose family cut off the siblings, did you do it when they were denying they had a problem? I am struggling with what to do with a sibling who is acknowledging that they are struggling and seeking help. The problem is there are still days when bad decisions are made. She is not abusive towards me in an aggressive way, I am just concerned about the kids. I have tried to make clear what my limits or boundaries but it is hard to cut someone off when there are kids in the picture and I think she wants to get better. How best to deal with that? Oh, I have for the record already started seeing a therapist to help me deal with this. Therapy does help.

Yes. 3 actually.

One was coddled until she drank herself to death

The other 2 were cut off by the whole family until they were sober, wives, kids, aunts, uncles, cousin... nobody would talk to them until they were sober. Period. They are sober and living good lives.

You really need to go to a therapist that specializes in alcoholism.

It is very difficult. Just remember that an alcoholic is never really "your" friend. Their best (and only) friend is the bottle, the bottle the bottle.

I come from a family of 7 kids. Three of my siblings have problems with alcohol. I am soooooo tired of it. I am trying not to be angry at at them but I am so pissed about it. One is open about it but is a nasty drunk and makes those miserable late night phone calls and whines and rages about the unfairness of life. The other one would come visit and drink and tell me to my face that she hadn't had anything. Really, you want me to believe that it is always Listerine? I eventually sat her down and told her what my boundaries were. I explained that I loved her, that I loved when she visited, but that I was concerned about her behavior and thought she had a problem. I also told her that she was free to make her own decisions but that she could not come to my house and drink. I have children, they love her, as do I, but we cannot have that kind of behavior at our house. It's been better since I established my boundaries (although she has had more than I would like on occasion when we've gone out to dinner) she hasn't been blottoed in a long time and the drinking has gotten better. Now, my other sibling who was so critical of me for not yelling at my sister when she drank in her own home, etc. and was always quick to judge the other siblings is abusing alcohol. To make matters worse, there are kids in the picture. I would like to go grab the kids while she and her husband work their shit out (marriage is rocky and has been for a while, long before drinking began). I am just so tired of this shit. It is exhausting and I am so sick of it.

17:53 - my sister does this. Its crazy. I don't listen to it.

Anonymous wrote:Why do alcoholics seem to always call people and rage at them? I don't get this behavior at all.

Some do but other drink very quietly and secretly and pretend.

Why do alcoholics seem to always call people and rage at them? I don't get this behavior at all.

DH's brother texted late last night, threatening to do harm to his wife (who is separated from him and does not engage with him) and her parents. "I do not care what happens to me anymore"

He is a very messed up individual. He scares me.

What do we do when they get old and have no money? That's what worries me most. I don't want to see my sibling living on the street, but he's currently unemployed, despite being well educated, no wife or kids.nmy parents pay his rent for fear he'll be on the streets now.

How do you deal when you genuinely love your sibling and worry about him/her constantly? And you see the goodness in the sibling and feel the pain they must be going through because of the addiction. It's heart-breaking to me and I am at a loss of what to do.

Anonymous wrote:Just need to vent about my sister who lives in another state and who called my voicemail 10 times last night drunk raging about what a horrible person I am, my husband is, and how my children are spoiled brats (one is a baby and the other is 4). I am worried that she seems to be off the rails again, but she will never acknowledge her drinking in any way. She has no relationship with her own grown daughter due to her abusive behavior when drinking, (which is apparently my fault). I just get so tired of dealing with her alcoholism and wish that I could have a sister instead of a train wreck.

This sounds like my sister. I ruined her life, I contributed to her drinking in high school, I'm superficial, I don't craft, I didn't do what she did for my other sister's wedding, and on and on and on. I'm actually in therapy trying to deal with her drinking and ranting and general awfulness.

PP here. I like the al anon idea, thanks.