Anonymous
10/17/2013 07:44
Subject: Re:Not sure where to turn
Anonymous wrote:I guess I did leave out some details. DW started exercising/running about 4 years ago now after having some concerns about health. Has lost significant weight because of it and have told her she looks great. Sex before that was probably 3-4x/month. Counselling was begun by DW after a big argument about a different race that involved travel. It was related to a race that I asked if she would do this as a walk with me. Bad knees keep me from being a runner, but can walk a good distance. She refused to consider it, so I refused to go. I think she believes I'm picking on her, but all I'm trying to do is have some time together like a date night.
I don't find her running to be a hobby at this point, but an obsession. There's never any discussion as to something that may be going on that day/weekend. Just signs up and doesn't consider any family conflict this may have. To clarify, all kids are grown, so no little ones here. In fact, one of her races was the morning of a daughter's wedding. I can't make this stuff up.
To run races every weekend, many include both days, that's not a hobby. This includes four days a week with running in the morning. Most mornings I wake up, she's not even there. Counselor suggested to cuddle to possibly rekindle the spark, but there have been no attempts at that. I have made a couple of attempts and have been met rather coldly.
I have tried making suggestions about sex, times to do it, and never seems to be the right time or suggested time. I am not a person who is selfish when it comes to having sex. I'm very giving, if you catch my meaning. And from the sounds and body movement, satisfaction is had on her part. So I'm guessing that it still feels good to her. But every 9-10 months is not a marriage. I have not been unfaithful to this point, and really am trying to avoid that.
Listen dont attack the hobby because you dont understand it. it is fun. Try it and race in large events. You'll see why its so fun.. That said, however, its not fair that the wife leave you to your own activities that couples are supposed to be doing. No mystery here: its all about balance.
Anonymous
10/16/2013 00:13
Subject: Re:Not sure where to turn
Anonymous wrote:What is her response when you say you've missed physical intimacy and how does she think you could work it back into your life together?
You have got to stop making the issue her running, she will just keep pushing back. Instead, focus on what YOU need (vs what you want her to change) and ask for her insight into solving the problem.
I agree that you should stop trying to stop the running. This is something she enjoys which is healthy for her and has enabled her to do something many people find impossible -- to lose a significant amount of weight. Can you imagine if you found such an activity, and then she started complaining about it? Go back to counseling and work on the concept of compromise. You went with her on a running related vacation, now you should both go on a non-running related vacation (although understand that she will probably want to follow her regular fitness routine of a run each morning -- I know I do when on vacation). If she runs two races one weekend, do a date night the next weekend.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 16:36
Subject: Not sure where to turn
OP ignore all the women who are trying to pin this on you. My "friend" suddenly started running too. She had a running buddy and all. Ran like crazy and left her husband and nanny picking up the slack at home.
A while later they found out she and her running buddy (a married man) were having an affair.
If you feel something is wrong, go with your gut.
You would have seen a lot more sympathy around here if you were the wife.
A while later they found out she and her running buddy (a married man) were having an affair.
If you feel something is wrong, go with your gut.
You would have seen a lot more sympathy around here if you were the wife.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 13:58
Subject: Not sure where to turn
OP says he can walk fairly long distances (I'm assuming he can cover 1-2 miles and back again).
He has asked her to walk with him. She refuses to do this, instead opting to sign up for as many races as she can possibly enter, running every morning, etc.
Who's picking up the slack at home (chores, etc.)?
At what point does 'spending time with my husband' enter into her priorities? The kids are grown, it's 2013 .. if she, or he, doesn't like being married anymore divorce is an option.
It seems she wants the convenience factor of being married and not the companionship factor.
He has asked her to walk with him. She refuses to do this, instead opting to sign up for as many races as she can possibly enter, running every morning, etc.
Who's picking up the slack at home (chores, etc.)?
At what point does 'spending time with my husband' enter into her priorities? The kids are grown, it's 2013 .. if she, or he, doesn't like being married anymore divorce is an option.
It seems she wants the convenience factor of being married and not the companionship factor.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 11:00
Subject: Not sure where to turn
No, he said he has bad knees. Bad knees often come from being fat. It's hard on your knees. And I've seen a lot of guys with a 9-month sized pooch describe themselves as "a little heavy" so it's quite fair to wonder if she wants to be intimate with a guy who doesn't care about how he looks.
Is it possible, OP, to find your dick in your fupa? Are you quite clean? How's your breath? If she was heavy, she might have thought she had to put up with your body habitus, but now that she isn't, she doesn't.
Is it possible, OP, to find your dick in your fupa? Are you quite clean? How's your breath? If she was heavy, she might have thought she had to put up with your body habitus, but now that she isn't, she doesn't.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 10:27
Subject: Not sure where to turn
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you healthy and attractive? Why don't you do some running with her? Or are you an overweight couch potato? That could explain some things.
Sounds like OP is of reasonable weight but can't run due to bad knees and has tried to walk with his wife instead of run and she won't do it.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 10:22
Subject: Re:Not sure where to turn
Im not sure why noone here sofar has asked OP to detail ANYthing about the relationship outside his feeling deprived of sex. He also is not talking about his feelings for his wife. This is weird. Its like its all about HIS NEEDS vs his impression of her needs.
The race on the day of a wedding is way weird. However, what daughter- hers or yours from another marriage? What is the relationship between them? What are you leaving out besides everything?
Sounds to me like DW might be indeed running away from aspects of her life, literally. But WHY is the question.
OP you may be the "nice guy" that everyone seems all too ready to assume here, which is weird, because if a woman were to post the same, I suspect people would be less likely to assume you have no role in making her want to not be around you.
If counseling didnt work, this forum wont either.
The race on the day of a wedding is way weird. However, what daughter- hers or yours from another marriage? What is the relationship between them? What are you leaving out besides everything?
Sounds to me like DW might be indeed running away from aspects of her life, literally. But WHY is the question.
OP you may be the "nice guy" that everyone seems all too ready to assume here, which is weird, because if a woman were to post the same, I suspect people would be less likely to assume you have no role in making her want to not be around you.
If counseling didnt work, this forum wont either.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 09:11
Subject: Not sure where to turn
OP, are you healthy and attractive? Why don't you do some running with her? Or are you an overweight couch potato? That could explain some things.
Anonymous
10/15/2013 06:49
Subject: Not sure where to turn
OP, what are your work schedules?
I think it's great to have a healthy hobby and plenty of people run every day.
The real issue is you are not getting enough sex. You feel rejected and unloved because your wife doesn't want to be physical with you.
I would stop focusing on the running and start focusing on why there is a lack of intimacy in your relationship. Go back to the counselor, alone if you must.
Take up a hobby that fills your time the way jogging fills hers. Maybe you will meet your true love! Maybe it's time to let this one go.
I think it's great to have a healthy hobby and plenty of people run every day.
The real issue is you are not getting enough sex. You feel rejected and unloved because your wife doesn't want to be physical with you.
I would stop focusing on the running and start focusing on why there is a lack of intimacy in your relationship. Go back to the counselor, alone if you must.
Take up a hobby that fills your time the way jogging fills hers. Maybe you will meet your true love! Maybe it's time to let this one go.