OP here. I have no idea if I even wants kids, let alone be an SAHM. Like I said, I don't know if this is something I will do long-term or not, but it's what I've been enjoying and currently enjoy- which is why I continue to do it.

I'm all for being upfront with people.

Simply put, do you want to be a SAHM someday?

If so, and your boyfriend wouldn't "respect" you for it then its time to dump his ass and move on.

Do you went to get married and be a SAHM? If so, sounds like this guy isn't the right match. Break up with him and go online or to parties etc and try to find a guy in a high earning career who wants a SAHM to be.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you PP's.
17:13 - I am outside of Boston.

I struggle with the fact that I am not career-driven, but I am not unambitious as a person. I have hobbies, am healthy, family-oriented, I travel, have many friends and activities. But when it comes to career outlook, I just don't have it. So I agree that that's where his concerns come from- absolutely. It's less about the nanny field, thank you PP for putting that into words.

Life is made up of a lot more than just careers. You are supporting yourself, you are supporting your interests, you are fine. He should appreciate the rest of you beyond what you do for a living and realize that being a nanny is part of your identity just like being an asshole is part of his.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. He has brought up many times, my career choice. I am a FT nanny, and have been for almost ten years.
I love my job and feel fulfilled and excited by it- I work for a warm, loving family, make $65k/year, have no debt- and no worries.
He feels it's an unambitious job, no career growth, etc-- The thing is, I do see where he's coming from and I'm not offended by what he says- but I'm just not a career-oriented person. I put money away for retirement, paid of my car, and am saving for a home, and I am happy. Am I missing something?

He wants you to be someone other than who you are, for his own reasons (prestige? money?).

Red flag - you should reconsider staying with him. IMO.

I agree. I think you're doing fabulously! I know a PP mentioned some other careers you could pursue but what will they offer that your current profession does not?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you PP's.
17:13 - I am outside of Boston.

I struggle with the fact that I am not career-driven, but I am not unambitious as a person. I have hobbies, am healthy, family-oriented, I travel, have many friends and activities. But when it comes to career outlook, I just don't have it. So I agree that that's where his concerns come from- absolutely. It's less about the nanny field, thank you PP for putting that into words.

Op, I'm also a nanny in Boston that is facing the same problems as you. I have no debt, make the same as you and am happy with my life in general. I don't want to look back on my death bed and be disappointed that I spent my life working my ass off at an unfulfilling corporate job because society said I need a huge house, expensive car and to make over 100k to be happy. The people who are worried about your income level are those who need the nicest toys to show off. if you're good with money you can own a nice little house and have a good savings. You need to prioritize what's important to you. For me living a simple life and enjoying my family is important.

Also all the jobs they mentioned start around 40k and you won't make much more than what you are now without a masters degree plus you would still have to put in your dues. I had a roommate who was a public school teacher in her thirty's with a masters degree that made less then me. No job is secure, it's all about money management and living within your means. If your bf who doesn't seem to show ambition himself ( if he did he would find a better paying job and be hustling in college) can't appreciate your choice than it's time to move on.

I wonder though OP if this is sustainable. Will you really want to nanny for the next 30 years. If you have no career ambitions, and no interest in progressing in a career, what will you do when you are burnt out from nannying, or you get ta back injury and can't nanny or etc...

Are you hoping to get married, have kids and sah with them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, 16:30 here, I understand where you are coming from, but also totally understand where your boyfriend is coming from. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you're a nanny. If you were a psychologist and had that same attitude, I think he'd be reacting the same way.

Maybe it is time to think what it is you love about your job. Is it working with kids? Is it the (mostly) one on one experience? The nurturing? I think if you can identify what you love about being a nanny, you can think about possible permanent positions. With a BA in psych, you could go on to be a social worker, a licensed therapist, a counselor, work in the school setting...a number of things.

But I don't really blame your boyfriend for being concerned. I think he is probably thinking about the future and marriage and children and probably not too thrilled with the idea that you seem to have your future career and income totally up in the air.

A lot of these jobs pay less than 65,000

Op here. Yes, I agree, but I think the PP's point is that those are more of a career than nannying- you're in a work environment, have coworkers, can move up/around, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP, 16:30 here, I understand where you are coming from, but also totally understand where your boyfriend is coming from. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you're a nanny. If you were a psychologist and had that same attitude, I think he'd be reacting the same way.

Maybe it is time to think what it is you love about your job. Is it working with kids? Is it the (mostly) one on one experience? The nurturing? I think if you can identify what you love about being a nanny, you can think about possible permanent positions. With a BA in psych, you could go on to be a social worker, a licensed therapist, a counselor, work in the school setting...a number of things.

But I don't really blame your boyfriend for being concerned. I think he is probably thinking about the future and marriage and children and probably not too thrilled with the idea that you seem to have your future career and income totally up in the air.

A lot of these jobs pay less than 65,000

Anonymous wrote:OP, I see what some people are saying about his point and his concerns with your lack of ambition. That's certainly fair for him to worry about that.

But if I were you I would be equally worried about his debt and his low income. If I had to hitch my wagon to one of you I'd pick you - the one w/ no debt, a decent job, a reasonable approach to money management, etc...

If you're going to have a future with him then you two will also need to wrestle w/ financial issues related to debt, long term planning, expectations about who is primary bread-winner, lifelong goals (career vs. family or personal calm/enjoyment/security), etc...

Don't beat yourself up - your position is equally defensible to his - the real question is whether or not you two are compatible in the long run, not whether one of you is right or wrong.

Good luck.

I agree. He is hardly in a position to criticize.

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. He has brought up many times, my career choice. I am a FT nanny, and have been for almost ten years.
I love my job and feel fulfilled and excited by it- I work for a warm, loving family, make $65k/year, have no debt- and no worries.
He feels it's an unambitious job, no career growth, etc-- The thing is, I do see where he's coming from and I'm not offended by what he says- but I'm just not a career-oriented person. I put money away for retirement, paid of my car, and am saving for a home, and I am happy. Am I missing something?

He wants you to be someone other than who you are, for his own reasons (prestige? money?).

Red flag - you should reconsider staying with him. IMO.

OP here. Thank you PP's.
17:13 - I am outside of Boston.

I struggle with the fact that I am not career-driven, but I am not unambitious as a person. I have hobbies, am healthy, family-oriented, I travel, have many friends and activities. But when it comes to career outlook, I just don't have it. So I agree that that's where his concerns come from- absolutely. It's less about the nanny field, thank you PP for putting that into words.

Most nannies in the dc area make less 35k a year

Agree with PP - I'd much rather be partnered with someone who had minimal ambition but job security, satisfaction, little or no debt, and a healthy income that supported them (and could be combined with mine to support a family) than with someone who had lofty goals but dug themselves into debt acquiring the basic qualifications needed to achieve them.

OP, I see what some people are saying about his point and his concerns with your lack of ambition. That's certainly fair for him to worry about that.

But if I were you I would be equally worried about his debt and his low income. If I had to hitch my wagon to one of you I'd pick you - the one w/ no debt, a decent job, a reasonable approach to money management, etc...

If you're going to have a future with him then you two will also need to wrestle w/ financial issues related to debt, long term planning, expectations about who is primary bread-winner, lifelong goals (career vs. family or personal calm/enjoyment/security), etc...

Don't beat yourself up - your position is equally defensible to his - the real question is whether or not you two are compatible in the long run, not whether one of you is right or wrong.

Good luck.