Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. My parents live in Oregon and visit us once a year. They usually stay for 4-6 days total. Before they arrive they send me a detailed shopping list, usually full of things that DH and I don't ever eat. They don't like to eat out a whole lot, either, but we don't cook, so that gets annoying, since I only cook really simple things. When we do eat out they expect us to pick up the check every time. In addition, they don't want to do sightseeing or really leave the house all that much. On the other hand, they often seem bored and complain that they are not having a good time. They never rent a car when they visit. They do not cook, clean, or help out with any household chores. In addition, they criticize my housekeeping constantly and say they don't like our guest room. They also complain about how much my husband has to work during their visits (I take vacation time for their visits). Overall, their visits leave me feeling very stressed.

And you put up with this shit because?

I am the PP who wrote the above. Well, I guess I put up with it because it's what my parents expect and I only see them once a year. I guess I don't really know how it could be done differently. We live in the suburbs and they won't rent a car, so they can't go anywhere on their own. Additionally, they expect us to buy their specialty groceries and buy all the food. I don't really know what it's like for other people when their families come to visit, so I don't really know other ways that visits can work. My parents just expect all their visits to be this way. It doesn't help that they are very particular in their housekeeping needs, and nothing I do is ever good enough, so I hear a ton of complaints. They also refuse to stay in a hotel. So what can I do? I find their visits very stressful, and it's never a good visit, even though it's just once a year.

Stop hosting, next year meet at the beach. Rent 2 condos next to each other and everyone is on their own for breakfast a lunch, go out for dinner. You don't have to keep hosting your parents for this yearly visit if it's stressful for you.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. My parents live in Oregon and visit us once a year. They usually stay for 4-6 days total. Before they arrive they send me a detailed shopping list, usually full of things that DH and I don't ever eat. They don't like to eat out a whole lot, either, but we don't cook, so that gets annoying, since I only cook really simple things. When we do eat out they expect us to pick up the check every time. In addition, they don't want to do sightseeing or really leave the house all that much. On the other hand, they often seem bored and complain that they are not having a good time. They never rent a car when they visit. They do not cook, clean, or help out with any household chores. In addition, they criticize my housekeeping constantly and say they don't like our guest room. They also complain about how much my husband has to work during their visits (I take vacation time for their visits). Overall, their visits leave me feeling very stressed.

Same here, the inlaws apparently just like to sit around in other people's houses and eat everything in sight. Argh! And it's DC!! So much to do, with or without a car, and free for the cheapskates!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. My parents live in Oregon and visit us once a year. They usually stay for 4-6 days total. Before they arrive they send me a detailed shopping list, usually full of things that DH and I don't ever eat. They don't like to eat out a whole lot, either, but we don't cook, so that gets annoying, since I only cook really simple things. When we do eat out they expect us to pick up the check every time. In addition, they don't want to do sightseeing or really leave the house all that much. On the other hand, they often seem bored and complain that they are not having a good time. They never rent a car when they visit. They do not cook, clean, or help out with any household chores. In addition, they criticize my housekeeping constantly and say they don't like our guest room. They also complain about how much my husband has to work during their visits (I take vacation time for their visits). Overall, their visits leave me feeling very stressed.

And you put up with this shit because?

I am the PP who wrote the above. Well, I guess I put up with it because it's what my parents expect and I only see them once a year. I guess I don't really know how it could be done differently. We live in the suburbs and they won't rent a car, so they can't go anywhere on their own. Additionally, they expect us to buy their specialty groceries and buy all the food. I don't really know what it's like for other people when their families come to visit, so I don't really know other ways that visits can work. My parents just expect all their visits to be this way. It doesn't help that they are very particular in their housekeeping needs, and nothing I do is ever good enough, so I hear a ton of complaints. They also refuse to stay in a hotel. So what can I do? I find their visits very stressful, and it's never a good visit, even though it's just once a year.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. My parents live in Oregon and visit us once a year. They usually stay for 4-6 days total. Before they arrive they send me a detailed shopping list, usually full of things that DH and I don't ever eat. They don't like to eat out a whole lot, either, but we don't cook, so that gets annoying, since I only cook really simple things. When we do eat out they expect us to pick up the check every time. In addition, they don't want to do sightseeing or really leave the house all that much. On the other hand, they often seem bored and complain that they are not having a good time. They never rent a car when they visit. They do not cook, clean, or help out with any household chores. In addition, they criticize my housekeeping constantly and say they don't like our guest room. They also complain about how much my husband has to work during their visits (I take vacation time for their visits). Overall, their visits leave me feeling very stressed.

And you put up with this shit because?

I hear you OP. My parents live in Oregon and visit us once a year. They usually stay for 4-6 days total. Before they arrive they send me a detailed shopping list, usually full of things that DH and I don't ever eat. They don't like to eat out a whole lot, either, but we don't cook, so that gets annoying, since I only cook really simple things. When we do eat out they expect us to pick up the check every time. In addition, they don't want to do sightseeing or really leave the house all that much. On the other hand, they often seem bored and complain that they are not having a good time. They never rent a car when they visit. They do not cook, clean, or help out with any household chores. In addition, they criticize my housekeeping constantly and say they don't like our guest room. They also complain about how much my husband has to work during their visits (I take vacation time for their visits). Overall, their visits leave me feeling very stressed.

Make dh do the grocery shopping.
I wouldn't nickel and dime over the food costs, but if your dh thinks the kitchen should be fully stocked to their content, make that his responsibility.
Same with the tour guiding.

Thanks for the update. I think it's tough that you are working when they visit. Maybe you can (it sounds like DH SHOULD but maybe you will have to) send out an email like- Happy 2014! We hope to see you this year with a great visit. Here are some dates that work for us so that you don't have to visit while we are working all the time." Let us know if any of these dates work for your schedule and we will mark our calendars!"

Unless you like the working excuse to get away from them when they are in town.

Then, as PP said, do what you like, ship them off sightseeing, order in, send them to the grocery, or suck it up for one time a year!

Op here, thanks. This is all in the works and DH throws off any attempted convo on the topic.
Ultimately I think he wants to impress his parents, and feels guilty he no longer lives a driving distance away from them or can't see them more.
Anyhow:
*We don't have kids yet.
*When we visit, it's one week, and a mix of spending time with them, good friends and city stuff, often we must "work from home" too. Boils down to 4 days of breakfasts and dinners, on them. We take them out to dinner.
* We fly during high season, as that's when we have off, holidays or summertime. They fly random days when they find low prices, and prefer to stay several weeks.
* On avg we each visit each other once or twice a year. When they visit we are working; unf they don't take vacations where they stay in hotels, so we can't like meet at disneyland or Yellowstone or the beach for a week.

I just wish there was a more fun way to have visits, that didn't leave me feeling so lopsided or odd. It's in real contrast to other family or friend houseguests we have on both sides, and how we act as houseguests anywhere.

Ur = rude

So interesting.
In my family, hosts have basics but guests are free to go out and buy extras (and if you want. That special soy milk etc, you're probably going to have to get it yourself). My brother in law, whose parents treat him like the world revolves around him, thinks this is weird. His parents go all out to stock the fridge with his favorites before he arrives.
I have a friend who complains that when she and her family visit her aunt, there is never enough food. I suggest she go buy some, she says she thinks that is ur. Apparently they sneak out and eat behind the aunts back so as not to offend the aunt for not having enough food.
?????

Sounds like free babysitters to me! I'd love it because I'd leave DC with the inlaws and DH and I would go out to get some privacy.

Otherwise, yes, stop buying them everything you assume they want to eat. Why can't they just eat what you normally eat yourselves?

Pp here I meant I would NOT be letting...

Sound like they have a mix of cheapness, self-cernteredness, and/or cluelessness. As does your spouse.

I would be letting nor expecting nor wanting my adult children to pay for my eating in their home all day unless they were truly loaded!

Try to split each bill real time. No games then.

If they are the ones that visit you and you never visit them, how much are they paying to fly to see you? It probably works out in the end.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, just don't buy everything for them. Tell them there is an x grocery store down the street if they need to buy anything in particular.

Agreed. Get some things you know they like/expect but certainly not all of it. If you feel like ordering in, do it. It is your house, and with extended visits you need to maintain some normalcy.

We usually take my parents out for dinner while we're there for a week or so. This year that just wasn't a great idea for various reasons. So, I made a few trips to the store for things we forgot and just paid for them. Plus, dh and I went one day and picked up what we needed to make supper and just cooked there. They loved it.