Anonymous wrote:OP, it's more than curse words-- his attitude is toxic and he is verbally abusing your family.

+1

He needs to move out, and he needs therapy. This cannot go on for one more day.

And for the posters who are saying his behavior is abusive...yes it is, but OP knows this already...she is looking for advice and opinions.

I am not convinced the OP really knows this, at least on a deeply fundamental level. Ostensibly she posts here looking for "advice and opinions", but she is quite adamant that she cannot leave him because she is in a Catch 22. She seems to be holding on to the delusion that she can "talk him into" seeing the error of his ways, and that divorce is not really an option.

We cannot address the husband here; we only have access to the OP who comes seems to be determined to paint herself into this corner and claim that leaving him would put her children at MORE risk than they are by staying with him.

I understand, OP, that you may feel trapped and powerless and that leaving him is dangerous. And frankly, you ARE in a tough spot. But by insisting that you must protect your children from him and that ties your hands from getting a divorce, you are dooming both your children and yourself to a miserable future and doing your children a disservice.

Get out NOW. TAKE the advice you've been given of documenting his behavior on video. Your current dreams of making him see the light are never going to come true. Don't find yourself 10 years from now trying to explain to your children why you did not protect them when you had the chance.

OP, I would definitely find yourself a divorce lawyer. You can get advice on how to handle the situation such that you have more custody.

Have you started documenting the behavior?

Other posters have already discussed the fact that this is emotional abuse, so I won't reiterate that.

Let's talk about the practical effects. Is your husband prepared for his 2 and 4 year old to scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP" at their friends and teachers? Because they will. Absolutely. I'm surprised they haven't already.

Does he acknowledge that he is their role model, and that this is the vision of communication (and marriage and parenthood) he is presenting to them? That they will carry this into school, the workplace, and beyond. Really, really, bad stuff OP.

You won't realize the affect has to maybe way down the road. I'm 43 year old and was abused when I was little. I'm seeing effects now.

Op, sorry, but you're hurting kids by staying. They will grow up wondering why you didn't do more to protect them. It's not OK. He makes them feel worthless and their self esteem is going to take major hit

OP, first and foremost I want you to understand there is a huge difference between dropping the "F-bomb" when stubbing your toe and dropping it when yelling at your kid. A huge huge difference.

FYI, your husband is verbally abusing his children and you as well since you state he also talks this way to you when he is angry.
Since you do have two children together, I would first suggest you sit down and talk to him one on one. A good time would be when he is in a calm mood and the children are not around. Make it a time when you are not rushed and can converse w/out distractions of any kind as this topic is vital to saving your family. Let him know that you love him and want to stay married to him, thus keeping the family intact. However, you cannot and will not tolerate his verbal abuse toward you or your children any longer. Stat. If he doesn't curb it immediately, then you have no option but to leave him. Yes, you know it won't be easy, but you cannot raise your daughters in a verbally abusive home environment. This could be destructive in their future relationships and can damage their self~esteem in later years. As a mother, it is your responsibility to protect your children.

Hopefully your husband will realize that his anger has been out of control and will see that it is a very serious issue.
If he doesn't, I strongly advise you to stick to your guns and leave him.

Abuse is abuse.

PP here again.

Please step in to protect your kids. You should never let them be abused with your complicit consent.

he is a bully. He can't seem to keep his anger and frustration in check and so he lashes out. It's not good. not good at all. These kids are kids and they will, every day, get on your nerves -- but not as much as you love them.

Do you think your husband will turn on you if you ask for a divorce? What if you separated? Can you ask a lawyer?

I would not assume that a judge would rule in your favor... I've seen some incredibly aggregious (which I can't spell, apparently) family law decisions with nasty, nasty parents getting even full access to the kids. Oy, it pains me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What trailer park do you live in? Did this guy behave this way before you were married? Why are you letting your kids grow up like the trash you married?

Well, that was very classist! Verbal abuse is not exclusive to trailer parks. The most verbs, abusive guy I know lives in a Georgetown mansion and the most verbally abusive woman I know lives in a McLean McMansion. Stop being so snobbish, it makes you sound ignorant.

Plus 1. Ignore this rude response, OP! I am rooting for you!

And for the posters who are saying his behavior is abusive...yes it is, but OP knows this already...she is looking for advice and opinions.

OP, my advice is what one poster said....check w/ a divorce attorney to see what rights you will have for custody due to your husband's behavior. Also, do you have a support system who knows what is going on (family, friends, co-workers, etc?)

Good Luck!

Anonymous wrote:What trailer park do you live in? Did this guy behave this way before you were married? Why are you letting your kids grow up like the trash you married?

Well, that was very classist! Verbal abuse is not exclusive to trailer parks. The most verbs, abusive guy I know lives in a Georgetown mansion and the most verbally abusive woman I know lives in a McLean McMansion. Stop being so snobbish, it makes you sound ignorant.

What trailer park do you live in? Did this guy behave this way before you were married? Why are you letting your kids grow up like the trash you married?

OP, you seem to be assuming that he will get 50% custody or unsupervised visitation. That may not be accurate, especially if you are documenting and can prove his verbal abusiveness. You need to consult a family or divorce lawyer to talk about how a divorce would play out. It sounds like you want to divorce him but are afraid that it will be worse than staying. A lawyer will be able to advise you whether this is true.

Ok I am an Italian from Brooklyn and curse more than anyone. But I don't curse AT people, and definitely not at kids.

Your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive.

I would suggest documenting his behavior (nanny cam?). It sounds like he could try to manipulate the custody situation should you eventually seek a divorce.