Anonymous wrote:why does everyone assume that preference for middle class demographics is the same as being racist

PP: "Be honest... is this the Anglo kids or the non-Anglo kids?"

What do you call that question, if not racist?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: (for some reason, N. Arl parents can send their kids to Claremont even though S. Arl parents can't send their kids to Key).

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OP - Simple answer to "for some reason." The county is split East to West for Key and Claremont. You are zoned for Claremont. I for Key.

OP, this does not sound at all like a normal start to K. I'm sorry for what your daughter is going through right now- and you also: I know how it eats us up inside when our children are having a rough time. Definitely make an appointment with your child's teacher to discuss what is going on. Children treating other children this way is simply unacceptable. I would suggest taking pictures of the marks on your child's arm when another child has dug his/her fingernails into her skin, just so the teacher knows the extent of what's happening. Don't wait until conferences in November, you really need a good discussion with the teacher as soon as possible.
Is there any possibility your child could switch to a different classroom? It is still early in the year, so she would be able to assimilate in a new group more easily now then later.
Hope you can get this resolved quickly. Come back and let us know what happens.

Anonymous wrote:No, this was not the experience of my child in kindergarten in south arlington amidst (horrors) the FARMS kid.

OP, your kid is certainly having a rough start. Make an appointment with the teacher, leave your outrage at the door and find out what is really going on. Perhaps your kid got a few too many bad apples in her class. Perhaps she is being overly dramatic about the more chaotic environment called grade school. One lesson to learn early is that children usually tell some version of the truth, but it is rarely the whole truth.

I agree with this. It isn't related to class. My child had a similar experience at Chesterbrokk in McLean several years ago (started in 1st grade). It really depends on the the cohort and mix of personalities in the grade/class. Elder DC's class had an unusual mix of mean girls and mean boys, in the end, we transfered him to another school. My younger one had a completely different experience and had the "nice class".

It is probably a mix of everything, your child maybe more advanced in empathy and treating other with respect, there maybe a particular "bad" mix of personalities, some of the bumping could be more from so many more kids in a smaller space...... I think talking to the teacher and telling her what your DC told you and say that you are looking for perspective since you know that 5 year olds don't neccessarily paint the whole picture, but that her comments are very troubling. Good luck. I hope your LO has success shortly.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I believe you, but you can see how others react to these "code words"....for some reason the phrase "south Arlington" lets a lot of people free their inner racist. Something to think about next time you post on this board.

Duly noted. I had no idea my neighborhood is synonymous with "the projects" in people's minds. My neighbors are great and I feel lucky to have been able to afford a home here. Or maybe I *am* one of those dreaded people the affluent are carefully avoiding? Us poisonous single moms?

why does everyone assume that preference for middle class demographics is the same as being racist

Anonymous wrote:Look, I didn't list S. Arlington in the title line as some kind of weird wink-and-a-nod code; I listed it because those are the school systems I'm allowed to choose from (for some reason, N. Arl parents can send their kids to Claremont even though S. Arl parents can't send their kids to Key).

OP, I believe you, but you can see how others react to these "code words"....for some reason the phrase "south Arlington" lets a lot of people free their inner racist. Something to think about next time you post on this board.

Anonymous wrote:No, this was not the experience of my child in kindergarten in south arlington amidst (horrors) the FARMS kid.

OP, your kid is certainly having a rough start. Make an appointment with the teacher, leave your outrage at the door and find out what is really going on. Perhaps your kid got a few too many bad apples in her class. Perhaps she is being overly dramatic about the more chaotic environment called grade school. One lesson to learn early is that children usually tell some version of the truth, but it is rarely the whole truth.

Then remember the following: If you blame a class of people (the nasty folks of S. Arlington) because of very, very limited data, at best you come off as naive.

Agree with all of the above. I've had a couple of kids go through APS elementary schools in South Arlington and....some classes have some rough kids, and some don't. It does seem to be a bigger problem among the younger kids, actually--I haven't heard much about bullying at the older grades, but heard plenty of complaints about "mean kids" in the preK-1st grades. I suspect there are some little kids who haven't been in school before and it takes some time for them to learn the rules. Sorry if your kid is going through it, but I doubt your child's kindergarten is much worse/better than others around. You should talk to the teacher, and if he/she doesn't seem capable of dealing with it, talk to the principal.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people don't post about these types of social challenges in majority FARMS schools. Schools just can't manage issues like this no matter how good the administration and how able the teachers. A primary reason I would never send my child to a school with a FARMS rate approaching 50%.

Well, I don't post "about these types of social challenges" because my kid is not having this problem in his majority FARMS school.

Anonymous wrote:OP here...WOW, I am stunned at what I'm reading here. Is this thread really trying to tell me that this is simply the expected norm among "poor" and/or Hispanic children?? Are you saying that unless I'm rich enough to afford an elite private school or an $800k home in a posh neighborhood, I should accept and expect that my daughter will be treated with contempt, aggression, and occasionally harmed because that's how parents raise the little toughs in the rough streets of Shirlington?? Come on, there are no poor people in Arlington...the cheapest house you can get here costs twice what my house in Michigan cost, and "poor" families have a higher income than my dad ever pulled in. If this is poverty, visit Detroit people.

Look, I didn't list S. Arlington in the title line as some kind of weird wink-and-a-nod code; I listed it because those are the school systems I'm allowed to choose from (for some reason, N. Arl parents can send their kids to Claremont even though S. Arl parents can't send their kids to Key). Campbell appears to have a warm, nurturing culture with a community meeting every week empowering kids to help shape their own rules...so I wondered if that made a difference in terms of the general social expectations one might expect there. Drew has the Montessori program, and Montessori teaches courtesy and respect from a young age so one might suppose those kids have a higher standard of behavior as well. I wanted to know if these guesses were true based on real parents with real experience there, because otherwise I won't bother considering bumping my kid to a different school if it's all the same.

Come on, there are no poor people in Arlington...the cheapest house you can get here costs twice what my house in Michigan cost, and "poor" families have a higher income than my dad ever pulled in.

This is where you are wrong. Because you have a certain income level which is higher than another place doesn't make you rich or poor. A person in detroit making 50k a year may be upper middle class but in this area it would be poverty.

No, this was not the experience of my child in kindergarten in south arlington amidst (horrors) the FARMS kid.

OP, your kid is certainly having a rough start. Make an appointment with the teacher, leave your outrage at the door and find out what is really going on. Perhaps your kid got a few too many bad apples in her class. Perhaps she is being overly dramatic about the more chaotic environment called grade school. One lesson to learn early is that children usually tell some version of the truth, but it is rarely the whole truth.

Then remember the following: If you blame a class of people (the nasty folks of S. Arlington) because of very, very limited data, at best you come off as naive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people don't post about these types of social challenges in majority FARMS schools. Schools just can't manage issues like this no matter how good the administration and how able the teachers. A primary reason I would never send my child to a school with a FARMS rate approaching 50%.

Yep. Poor kids should be segregated in schools with other poor kids, where they can hit and pinch each other and never learn anything. Good thing privileged people have no moral obligation to children other than their own and can feel good about removing their kids from these situations. Why try to create a better situation for all by creating a reasonable balance of diversity across all schools, if it might create the tiniest negative impact on your highly-privileged kid?

What do you suggest the OP do?

OP here...WOW, I am stunned at what I'm reading here. Is this thread really trying to tell me that this is simply the expected norm among "poor" and/or Hispanic children?? Are you saying that unless I'm rich enough to afford an elite private school or an $800k home in a posh neighborhood, I should accept and expect that my daughter will be treated with contempt, aggression, and occasionally harmed because that's how parents raise the little toughs in the rough streets of Shirlington?? Come on, there are no poor people in Arlington...the cheapest house you can get here costs twice what my house in Michigan cost, and "poor" families have a higher income than my dad ever pulled in. If this is poverty, visit Detroit people.

Look, I didn't list S. Arlington in the title line as some kind of weird wink-and-a-nod code; I listed it because those are the school systems I'm allowed to choose from (for some reason, N. Arl parents can send their kids to Claremont even though S. Arl parents can't send their kids to Key). Campbell appears to have a warm, nurturing culture with a community meeting every week empowering kids to help shape their own rules...so I wondered if that made a difference in terms of the general social expectations one might expect there. Drew has the Montessori program, and Montessori teaches courtesy and respect from a young age so one might suppose those kids have a higher standard of behavior as well. I wanted to know if these guesses were true based on real parents with real experience there, because otherwise I won't bother considering bumping my kid to a different school if it's all the same.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised more people don't post about these types of social challenges in majority FARMS schools. Schools just can't manage issues like this no matter how good the administration and how able the teachers. A primary reason I would never send my child to a school with a FARMS rate approaching 50%.

Yep. Poor kids should be segregated in schools with other poor kids, where they can hit and pinch each other and never learn anything. Good thing privileged people have no moral obligation to children other than their own and can feel good about removing their kids from these situations. Why try to create a better situation for all by creating a reasonable balance of diversity across all schools, if it might create the tiniest negative impact on your highly-privileged kid?

Didn't say I taught in Arlington. I taught in the projects in another state--and the white kids were just as bad as the others.