Yes, I would feel left out.

Seriously, do they not like you? Do you not get along?

Does your sister have a small house and thought it would be too much to add your two kids, you, and DH to the mix? Did you say that you would, of course, get a hotel room? It sounds like you don't talk to your siblings or mother very often. How would you not know that everyone was getting together? Did they lie to you- say nothing when you asked what they were doing that weekend?

Maybe you should call your sister and organize a visit so your kids can know their cousins. You can visit her without your mother and brother being there too.

Have this every single year on Thanksgiving. My parents are down in Florida doing their own thing. My brother and sister are neighbors in the Boston area. They have their dinner with their in-laws (both sets area from New England) but end up hanging out together at some point. My husband is from another country...We've had dinner with friends but not the same as family. And I always feel weird about it, explaining to people (see, my in-laws are not in the U.S. blah blah blah). My siblings are happy---they're not missing out on anything! I have invited them but they never want to make the trip. I've hinted about coming, but they're set with their spouses families, etc. And so it goes... And yes, I'm the youngest. And every year I get mad, upset, hurt, and then I'm over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a left out youngest sibling who is married to an oldest. So now I get to see things "from the top" within his family. I often have to remind him to include his youngest sib. There is no animosity there-they literally just don't think to include her. I think it's because they are just so used to being leaders and trailblazers around whose lives the rest of the family's revolved while growing up. So maybe don't take it too personally but do let them know how it feels. Hopefully they'll be more considerate next time!

I don't know how one would not take that personally. They don't think to include her as if she doesn't exist? Maybe it bothers them that her life doesn't revolve around them because they are self-centered asshats? Excluding a sibling or pretending they don't exist when planning things is hostile. I would learn quickly not to waste my time hoping people will be considerate of me.

I am the youngest who gets excluded. I once dated an oldest "crown prince"type and it was amazing how nice it was to be in that position.

I generally find that of my friends, oldest kids are the ones who like their families the most, probably be ause they dominate them and everything revolves around them.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a left out youngest sibling who is married to an oldest. So now I get to see things "from the top" within his family. I often have to remind him to include his youngest sib. There is no animosity there-they literally just don't think to include her. I think it's because they are just so used to being leaders and trailblazers around whose lives the rest of the family's revolved while growing up. So maybe don't take it too personally but do let them know how it feels. Hopefully they'll be more considerate next time!

I don't know how one would not take that personally. They don't think to include her as if she doesn't exist? Maybe it bothers them that her life doesn't revolve around them because they are self-centered asshats? Excluding a sibling or pretending they don't exist when planning things is hostile. I would learn quickly not to waste my time hoping people will be considerate of me.

I'm a left out youngest sibling who is married to an oldest. So now I get to see things "from the top" within his family. I often have to remind him to include his youngest sib. There is no animosity there-they literally just don't think to include her. I think it's because they are just so used to being leaders and trailblazers around whose lives the rest of the family's revolved while growing up. So maybe don't take it too personally but do let them know how it feels. Hopefully they'll be more considerate next time!

You are right to be upset.

You communicated to your mom and sister that you wanted to be included and they ignored you and left you out. You should address it with both. My ils did things like this to one son because they hated his wife. My ils are horrible people and love playing games. We are cut off from them.

Are you a good guest? ie don't expect to stay at someone's house, don't abuse the host with demands, etc How do they treat your spouse?

Closeness not clients. Sorry!

I'm a middle child in a large family. I often suddenly feel like I'm being left out when I hear about a get together I wasn't invited to or involved in the planning of. That said, I do realize that my reactions sometimes come from my childhood self, not the adult one. (I was left out a lot as a kid, not old enough for my older siblings, not going enough for my younger ones) when this happens I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that I love them and they love me and the day to day has nothing to do with it. Look at the big picture… are they mean, difficult people who are trying to hurt you? Or are they just human and not great at seeing your point of view? My siblings are all hyperconfident and would be bewildered if I told them I feel less loved by them because I get together with them less often. They just take our clients for granted and don't tie it in to the number of get togethers they have. And when we do get together, it's always lovely. DH is helpful when it comes to this as well, he's able to see the big picture and helps me find an adult reaction when I feel left out!

Our brother was invited. Why not me? How it all went down and the total lack of concern for my feelings after is what I think bothers me the most.

Could it be that your sister didn't want to host that many people all at once?

Been there done that got the tear stained t-shirt to go with it. I live 1200 miles away from my immediate family. I was in town for Thanksgiving and my sisters bday is right after. I was in town but was not invited to her bday party. I was told it was being hosted by her best friend and I was leaving town the next day and they did not think I would come. Really lousy excuse in my opinion. I wondered myself if I had done something to offend someone. I did talk to some of my family about it and they act like it was no big deal. I don't want to create drama so I dropped it. This upcoming holidays though I will not be spending it with them. I am going to spend it with my wonderful friends and we are going to have a wonderful time.

I have a lot of extended family nearby and they often leave us wondering if we will be included or not. They say, through my mom, "she is always welcome, she should just call us and tell us she's coming over". But I don't feel comfortable inviting myself, although I have done it. We seem to have a great time when I do go over there, and I love seeing my aunt, uncle, cousins and their kids. It's a huge group and they are just very insular, have enough people around I guess.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be hurt too, but I gotta wonder....

why haven't your siblings met your kids? I'm amazed that this has not been an absolute priority for them. I know you said they are younger (I'm thinking young adult, like early 20's), but they should still have met their nieces and nephews long ago.

FYI: My sister and I live 8 hours away from one another, and we do our absolute best to get to one another's kid's birthdays. We get in the car and drive to see her 3 times a year, and she does the same with us.

Maybe the reason they didn't call is because your family is really all that close in the first place? Either way, I'd still be hurt, especially because you specifically told your Mom. maybe someone knows something you don't. Have you pissed someone off? Do your siblings/mother like your DH? Its worth asking them if there's something you don't know that they do.

+1

Yup. A very similar thing happened to me this summer. I am the youngest and constantly left out. I had a come to Jesus moment with myself where I realized I have to lower my expectations. My family kinda sucks and that's how it is. I need to try to grow my life and support system outside my family.

But you stated you generally thought they liked you. While in my situation this is a pattern, it is possible that this is a random anomaly in your case.