Women aren't attracted to men who are afraid of them.

Gosh OP. So sorry. Look, try to ignore the nasty comments towards you here. There is no reason you should be called names here for the position you are in.

But you _do_ need to stand up for what is right here. Right is right and wrong is wrong. What she did is wrong. Confronting her is right. It may feel unpleasant, but really, you know this is the next step.

She sounds like quite the piece of work to expect an anniversary gift. Im afraid you need to face some really bigger facts here that she may not have all her nuts and bolts properly seated. Its not normal to carry on a huge betrayal for an extended period of time and pull some lala land act about an anniversary. KInd of creepy, that is.

I think you may be temporarily stunned by the unbelievable gall, but believe it, she wont fess up. Her deficits have placed responsibility fully on you to stand up for what is right. She never will do it, sounds like.

Be prepared for her to go ballistic meltdown upon confrontation. This may be why you have hesitated to confront, I suspect.

So sorry OP. Not a good place to be. Do the right thing and confront her.

Give her some Skittles and tell her "Happy Anniversary."

Don't show her your evidence because then she'll concoct a story tailored to the evidence he has managed to obtain.

In terms of gathering more evidence, consider a PI, a keylogger, and/or voice activated recorder.

But, generally, you need to blow up the affair. She's all jacked up on dopamine from the affair. It's like talking to an addict. You won't be able to work with her until she clears the chemicals out of her system.

Beyond that, start exercising, stop being a wimp, try to make more money, and generally be awesome. That will either be attractive to her or attractive to women generally after you leave your cheating ex.

OP, your wife doesn't deserve to celebrate her marital vows if she's been cheating on you. I plan on taking my DH out this weekend to celebrate our anniversary and it's because he deserves it. I was out of town for our anniversary but I feel it's something that a good marriage should celebrate. I would gather your evidence and present it to her on your anniversary. Why buy her flowers or dinner for betraying you?

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you shown her the evidence? There seems to be enough there for it to be hard for her to deny it.

If OP shows the evidence, he will have played his hand. And, then she will know exactly what is compromised, deny, and lock down all of her communications. This so that DH will have a harder time proving to himself that the affair continues.

OP, if you do show your hand, and DW wants to reconcile, you will need total open access to all her emails, phone, and messages.

The anniversary is not the issue here -- I'm sorry you are dealing with this, OP. But it sounds like you need to deal with the real problem instead of dancing around it. Whether that means talking to your wife about what you know, talking to a therapist or a friend or working out a plan with a divorce attorney.