Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pls treat them respectfully. They are adults and not children. You may not like the decisions they have made. You may or may not make different ones down the road. However, judging from the number of posters on this site complaining about interfering parents and in laws, it is obvious no one of ant age wants to be told what to do--in this case, by their child who isn't a major part of their lives.

Nobody is telling anyone what to do. We are asking people what their plans are for different eventualities, and if they have made no plans, encouraging them to do so. And we have to have these conversations because when the shit hits the fan, we are going to be the ones picking up the pieces.

+1 Sure, they're adults, but they can still be as stubborn as toddlers. I saw it in my own family. PP is right; it's the adult children who have to fix everything and make sure everyone is ok in the end. We're born babies and in many cases, if we're not in good health or just plain lucky, end our lives as babies.

Anonymous wrote:Pls treat them respectfully. They are adults and not children. You may not like the decisions they have made. You may or may not make different ones down the road. However, judging from the number of posters on this site complaining about interfering parents and in laws, it is obvious no one of ant age wants to be told what to do--in this case, by their child who isn't a major part of their lives.

Nobody is telling anyone what to do. We are asking people what their plans are for different eventualities, and if they have made no plans, encouraging them to do so. And we have to have these conversations because when the shit hits the fan, we are going to be the ones picking up the pieces.

Anonymous wrote:I just said to the more reasonable one, "So! What are your plans for Mom if you croak first? And your plans for yourself if she croaks first? Also, you're getting old. Have you seriously considered hiring a cleaning lady once a week?" and each time the conversation veered away I brought it back until we'd moved forward.

Ha ha! Yes, this is what I said to my father! He and I have that kind of relationship - anything serious has to be approached like a joke. No touchy feely EVER. Of course he tried to laugh it off, but next time I am going to insist. It will take a few tries.

And by the way OP, my parents live in Europe and I only see them once a year. So I am starting early because this conversation happens in yearly increments

Anonymous wrote:Pls treat them respectfully. They are adults and not children. You may not like the decisions they have made. You may or may not make different ones down the road. However, judging from the number of posters on this site complaining about interfering parents and in laws, it is obvious no one of ant age wants to be told what to do--in this case, by their child who isn't a major part of their lives.

+1

I'm in the exact same boat--elderly parents, one is very frail (going blind), but in complete denial. I've asked them what their plans are, what they'll do if one dies before the other, and they always say, "We're going to live forever, don't worry about us!" and shut down the conversation. So I've had to accept that they are not going to plan and don't want to hear about it. I have no idea what I'll do when something catastrophic happens. I've been trying to read up on the topic but I really don't know.

Pls treat them respectfully. They are adults and not children. You may not like the decisions they have made. You may or may not make different ones down the road. However, judging from the number of posters on this site complaining about interfering parents and in laws, it is obvious no one of ant age wants to be told what to do--in this case, by their child who isn't a major part of their lives.

Bring up your grandmother, and what they went through with her. Talk to them about the fact that waiting decreases their choices.

Look, my parents would hang up on me when I brought these things up. It doesn't get any easier, but it MUST be done. So just make a list of the reasons they should act now, and talk to them about it. Make sure they know that you are listening respectfully to their concerns.

....it looks like the same road lies ahead.