OP, it sounds like your mom already knows. In my family (who isn't particularly close) if my mom said my dad "went out to visit a friend" and she didn't say the name of the friend and I hadn't heard of the friend, that would be incredibly weird. My parents give each other a lot of space, but my dad wouldn't go out to visit a friend without my mom knowing who it was. And if it was female he wouldn't go alone.

Is it possible your mom knows or suspects and is OK to let it happen, but would not want anyone else to know - that would be very embarrassing. I would think carefully before talking to her about it.

I only suggest this because I know of a situation like that.

Anonymous wrote:I would have a discussion with your father before even considering having one with your mom.

+1

Several years ago I confronted my Dad. His silence pretty much confirmed what was going on. I asked him to stop.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom found out a few years ago that my dad was cheating on her. If I found out, I would have told her. I would have wanted to be told. It is hard, especially in your 30's-40's to have this happen.

Plus a million, tell her what you saw, and let her decide to follow up or not. To do less is to create a situation where you betray her too.

Tell your father he has two weeks to talk to mom. After that you will talk to her.

Anonymous wrote:Verify your father is cheating first. If you find out he is cheating yes you have to spill the beans. My parents are both in their 50s and my father cheated too. Unfortunately my mom only found out after she picked up an STD.

Really? Your mom didn't have clues along they way?

No. She already knows. You will force something she is not ready to deal with.
Wth is wrong with people?

Let it be.

First, you are not sure. Second, it may not be something that lasts. Third, what do you think would be gained by upsetting the apple cart at this stage in their lives when your mother's health is questionable.

You say that your parents have had a loving relationship over decades so what is really gained by letting this surface now even if it is true - which it may not be and even if it is may not be sexual.

Anonymous wrote:I would have a discussion with your father before even considering having one with your mom.

agree

I am in the same situation...to add insult to injury....they are ALL within my church! I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with this. I feel betrayed, physically ill and consumed with a grief feeling inside. So...if I feel like this.....how will my mother (and sister) feel if they were to find out. It pains me even more to share something I know that would practically kill her emotionally and spiritually (it has me).

I hate going home now because of the unspoken demon that follows me in the house ---


I wish people who do this would think about how it devastatingly impacts the ones that care about them....this is such a selfish act.

If you don't tell her and she finds out, she may be pretty angry at you. Knowing you knew and didn't say anything will make you seem like you were supporting your father. It could irreparably harm your relationship with your mom. I know many people who have cut people out of their lives who supported their spouses affair.

MYOB. She probably knows and is doing her thing. You tell her you know and she might have to leave which is CLEARLY something she doesn't want to do

Of course I would tell her.

Yes, that should make her feel good.

Verify your father is cheating first. If you find out he is cheating yes you have to spill the beans. My parents are both in their 50s and my father cheated too. Unfortunately my mom only found out after she picked up an STD.