There is just no answer that is going to solve this for you OP. I have one baby now, and noting prepared us for this massive change. as much as I love the idea of a sibling, we just don't think we can do it and its not about money at all for us. I love this baby more than I ever imagined but it also made me realize how much I love my husband, my interests and my personal time. so likely we are one and done. No answer on DCUM is going to be the right answer for YOU.

It is the hardest thing I've ever done.

It's the best thing I've ever done.

Its one day at a time, OP.

If anyone strives to make it look "easy" - then run!

If the mom gossips the think its okay to gossip, again, run. This means if the relationship it "one way", that is applicable.

Otherwise, you have found a good balance

I think it's most people's marriages that suck. Having kids puts an enormous strain on any relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Having kids is wonderful. The amount of love you feel is more than you could possibly imagine.

Its also hard. It takes patience. Its not for everyone.

Your life will change. You will change.

If you're cool with that, do it. If not, don't.

X1000

Is it still really hard when the youngest is 7 or so?
Damn, I was hoping it would get easier. I plan to sleep more at the very least.

Anonymous wrote:I heard a piece on NPR awhile back that said people with small children are generally pretty unhappy, but once the children are older (not necessarily out of the house, but more self sufficient) they are happier than people who never had children. I think it's important to look at it as a sum of its parts. Sometimes it does completely suck, especially having younger kids, but sometimes it's the best thing ever.

Op here. This would be my guess.....lots of upfront works but longer term rewards?

Having a kid has really given my life a purpose. I love introducing him to new places, things, food, etc. It's like you get to re-live the wonder of childhood.

I thought the newborn phase was really hard, but after that things weren't really all that difficult. Then again, I'm not the type to stress over the little things. A lot of the things people post on this site, I really just don't get worked up about.

So I think it depends a lot on your personality and of course, the temperament of your child.

Somebody described it as taking your heart out and wearing it on the outside of your body. It is like that. You are at risk of suffering misery that would be unimaginable to those without kids.

This is a toughie.

As a mother of three grown children, I can say it is a toss up.

Sure, I gave up A LOT to have my children. I gave up my freedom, my education, my career ambitions as well as any traveling experiences, etc. I started having children at nineteen and feel like I sacrificed a lot of my youth for them. (I am not in any way, shape or form blaming THEM at all....I made the decision to have them.)

There were times when the house was a complete disaster and I felt overwhelmed by the mess, the chaos, money issues, etc.

Now that they are adults and have their own lives, I am truly glad and finally feel free (!). I work as a Nanny and seeing people my age now raising young children makes me realize how lucky I am that now I am free of all that responsibility. I am no longer tied down, I can make and spend all my monies on myself, and I have the freedom to come and go as I please, etc. I am still young enough to do all the things I missed out on earlier in life and I can come home to a clean, quiet and orderly home every day.

Bottom line.
I love my children and am glad I had them. But I am just glad I did it when I was younger.

I cannot imagine having kids later in life.

I see so many parents so tired and I am so lucky that I get to spend all of my forties (and beyond!) on my own.

I have a young child and I can say that it is mush harder than I imagined and I worry way more than I expected. If someone had told me I would worry this much (safety, health, education, etc) I wouldn't have done it. That said I am pretty confident in 15 years I will ge so grateful.

... "its aptness"... sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an empirical question. Rather than ask on a website like this, you should look at the research. Unfortunately, that is pretty clear cut that people who have kids are happier than those that don't.

And unfortunately, it's equally clear that empirical evidence cannot be used to predict any particular person or couple's perspective or feelings.

LOL ... I missed your update on your OP, and even though we're in the no kids camp I am still LOL at my original point and it's aptness.

I heard a piece on NPR awhile back that said people with small children are generally pretty unhappy, but once the children are older (not necessarily out of the house, but more self sufficient) they are happier than people who never had children. I think it's important to look at it as a sum of its parts. Sometimes it does completely suck, especially having younger kids, but sometimes it's the best thing ever.

Anonymous wrote:It is an empirical question. Rather than ask on a website like this, you should look at the research. Unfortunately, that is pretty clear cut that people who have kids are happier than those that don't.

And unfortunately, it's equally clear that empirical evidence cannot be used to predict any particular person or couple's perspective or feelings.