Anonymous
09/10/2013 04:59
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
This post hits home for me because my HS DD has recently been the subject of bullying.
A girl, who has since moved away, told my daughter who was cutting herself to "cut herself deeper so she would cut herself and bleed out to death". The girl moved away, those type of threats diminished, so I didn't deal directly with that particular girl.
I recently took my daughter to a therapist, who basically asked me, why the FUCK didn't I do anything at the time.
My daughter seems to be dealing ok but - #1 loser parent here.
Not only do we (general we) set our kids loose with phones, Internet, computers...when things go wrong we say - gee, deal with it yourself, or *we* choose not to deal with it. I'm about to go let the wrath out on my DDs HS because this shit WILL stop.
A girl, who has since moved away, told my daughter who was cutting herself to "cut herself deeper so she would cut herself and bleed out to death". The girl moved away, those type of threats diminished, so I didn't deal directly with that particular girl.
I recently took my daughter to a therapist, who basically asked me, why the FUCK didn't I do anything at the time.
My daughter seems to be dealing ok but - #1 loser parent here.
Not only do we (general we) set our kids loose with phones, Internet, computers...when things go wrong we say - gee, deal with it yourself, or *we* choose not to deal with it. I'm about to go let the wrath out on my DDs HS because this shit WILL stop.
Anonymous
09/10/2013 04:09
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:No - I don't remember anyone talking like that back in the day. And I don't think that the vast majority of teens would ever say something like that to another kid - because it is a very disturbing thing to say.
+1
Anonymous
09/10/2013 00:24
Subject: Re:"Go kill yourself"
I graduated from HS in the 80s and people regularly said that to one another.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 22:02
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:Call the parents of the HS students who are bullying her. Tell them that you will go to the police and the school board, and if you do take such a step...it will be difficult for these students to get admission in a college..
Do not bother with parents of bullies. Just go straight to the police.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 16:58
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Call the parents of the HS students who are bullying her. Tell them that you will go to the police and the school board, and if you do take such a step...it will be difficult for these students to get admission in a college..
Anonymous
09/09/2013 14:17
Subject: Re:"Go kill yourself"
Yes, I absolutely remember kids saying this when I was in H.S. about 20 years ago.
That said, I agree with PP that bullies these days can affect kids' lives in a way they couldn't before -- texting, social media, email, the internet in general...
I would change her # stat, then I would sign those bullies up for every spam text message you can find (lol, okay...maybe not, but I would fantasize about it!).
Sorry she has to deal with this. Let her know that many successful people have been bullied. I remember a mean girl asking me, literally: "Do you even have any friends?" I remember a group of popular bully girls following me home barking at me because I was such a "dog." (One small win: I told them that if they were the ones barking, they were the ones who sounded like bitches to me. That didn't make them like me, but man did it shut them up that time!) Ahem, anyway -- I turned out just fine and leveraged those experiences to help me understand what type of people I wanted to be around (and what type of person I wanted to be!) when I grew up and had more control over my daily interactions. Did it suck then? Sure did. But part of life is learning how to face down evil and walk away the same or better than you were before.
P.S. to the religious poster -- most of these bullies were from religious (and in some cases VERY religious) families. I sadly think that the lessons from church don't carry over to the week for most bullies at that age, though they do seem contrite as adults.
That said, I agree with PP that bullies these days can affect kids' lives in a way they couldn't before -- texting, social media, email, the internet in general...
I would change her # stat, then I would sign those bullies up for every spam text message you can find (lol, okay...maybe not, but I would fantasize about it!).
Sorry she has to deal with this. Let her know that many successful people have been bullied. I remember a mean girl asking me, literally: "Do you even have any friends?" I remember a group of popular bully girls following me home barking at me because I was such a "dog." (One small win: I told them that if they were the ones barking, they were the ones who sounded like bitches to me. That didn't make them like me, but man did it shut them up that time!) Ahem, anyway -- I turned out just fine and leveraged those experiences to help me understand what type of people I wanted to be around (and what type of person I wanted to be!) when I grew up and had more control over my daily interactions. Did it suck then? Sure did. But part of life is learning how to face down evil and walk away the same or better than you were before.
P.S. to the religious poster -- most of these bullies were from religious (and in some cases VERY religious) families. I sadly think that the lessons from church don't carry over to the week for most bullies at that age, though they do seem contrite as adults.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 13:42
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op said she was handling it. All she wanted to know if this talk was new because she didn't remember it in high school. I graduated 12 years ago and can remember a couple of kids who.said things like that. They were troubled kids from difficult backgrounds
She said she was handling it but only mentioned that the counselor talked with these boys. No way to know if that is all that's been done to handle it. If not, great, but if so, she does need some prompting to do a lot more. Not that she's ignoring this at all, but it's just that some of us here are concerned that if "handling it" means just a talk from the counselor - that is not working, obviously. Maybe OP is doing everything that various posts here have suggested but we don't know and her daughter's situation sounds like it needs some immediate and pretty drastic action taken.
I had a similar reaction. I thought by "handling it" OP meant she was helping her daughter cope. People around here overuse the term "bullying" but in this case it applies. And this is the type of bullying that causes emotional scars. I think many of us are just trying to have OP's back and encourage her to keep going until someone stops these kids.
I strongly disagree with the suggestion that OP's daughter type back "fuck you," or whatever. This doesn't come from people who now anything about bullying. First of all, the bullies would LOVE tog et that kind of reaction. Its great drama for them. They are trying to provoke a reaction, so giving it to them only reenforces what they are doing. Second, it should not be OP's DD's job to put these kids in their place. Adults need to do that.
Talking to the kids is worthless. And, OP, if anyone at the school suggests bringing in your DD to talk with them, you should absolutely refuse. That is not the way to deal with bullies (and when has that ever worked, for anything?) The kids need to be punished. Period. if they had punched OP's DD, no one would suggest "talking" with them. This is potentially even more serious.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 13:09
Subject: Re:"Go kill yourself"
Totally remember kids saying that kind of stuff. I don't think kids are any meaner today. We just hear about thanks to cell phones, twitter, Facebook, etc....
And honestly, when I was growing up that kind of comment would have been shrugged off. Not saying it should have been, but bullying didn't get the kind of attention that it gets today.
And honestly, when I was growing up that kind of comment would have been shrugged off. Not saying it should have been, but bullying didn't get the kind of attention that it gets today.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 13:05
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What the HELL is with teenagers.
What is all this "you should just go kill yourself" crap. I know kids are mean, but I swear I dont recall this kind of statement being said when I went to high school.
And it seems with all of the anti-bullying awareness of teen suicide lately, this kind of comment should be going away.
My daughter is being tortured at school by a group of boys--and this is the message she's getting. I'm stunned.
She went to the counselor, who talked to the boys. But still, she gets texts and phone calls during school.
Not posting to get advice on this issue with her-we are dealing with it.
But posting more to ask, does anyone remember in high school previous generations of kids telling eachother to kill themselves? I just dont remember anything of the sort.
I find it so disturbing. Seriously I think there is something wrong with these kids. Like, emotionally they are disturbed.
Anyway, regardless of what is wrong with them, they need a serious ass kicking.
Christ on a cracker!
Get her a new phone number already! Tell her to only give it to her BFF, her parents and the adults who absolutely have to have it.
Tell her to text this to those boys: "Go fuck yourself!" and "Quit bugging me, you dickless loser."
+1.... Except the "Christ on a Cracker" part. LOL!
Anyway, just out of curiosity.... is she by any chance fueling these boys, say, by crying or responding to them via text or verbally? In no way whatsoever am I saying this is her fault, but maybe in addition to getting her a new number, telling her to not react AT all might help.
Good luck to you both, OP.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 12:53
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:What the HELL is with teenagers.
What is all this "you should just go kill yourself" crap. I know kids are mean, but I swear I dont recall this kind of statement being said when I went to high school.
And it seems with all of the anti-bullying awareness of teen suicide lately, this kind of comment should be going away.
My daughter is being tortured at school by a group of boys--and this is the message she's getting. I'm stunned.
She went to the counselor, who talked to the boys. But still, she gets texts and phone calls during school.
Not posting to get advice on this issue with her-we are dealing with it.
But posting more to ask, does anyone remember in high school previous generations of kids telling eachother to kill themselves? I just dont remember anything of the sort.
I find it so disturbing. Seriously I think there is something wrong with these kids. Like, emotionally they are disturbed.
Anyway, regardless of what is wrong with them, they need a serious ass kicking.
Christ on a cracker!
Get her a new phone number already! Tell her to only give it to her BFF, her parents and the adults who absolutely have to have it.
Tell her to text this to those boys: "Go fuck yourself!" and "Quit bugging me, you dickless loser."
Anonymous
09/09/2013 12:49
Subject: Re:"Go kill yourself"
I have heard of this said in a "what you said was so dumb" kind of way. Not meant with ill intent (despite the terrible wording).
Sorry to hear about this, OP.
Sorry to hear about this, OP.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 12:42
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Its not only that they are saying these terrible things but it also sounds like a bullying campaign. Please do not stop with the counselor. Go to the principal and on to the school system if necessary. This is not something your daughter should take on -- its not her job to deal with it or stop it. The adults have to step in. This is really, really bad.
Please, listen to the post above. Don't worry about why this generation is so cruel -- that's philosophy for later; right now, today, you need to protect your kid and help her learn to protect herself. First and TODAY you have to block all calls and texts to her phone other than very specific ones from you and her real friends, and/or change her phone number and have her give it to no one. If they are bullying her via phone and text, they are also doing it during the school day in person and you need to have these creeps dealt with.
The counselor "talked with the boys"? So what. It did not stop the harassment. They need to have some form of real discipline enforced on them. Get the school's written anti-bullying policy, take it to the principal in person (no phone call, no e-mail, go sit on the doorstep and don't leave until you are seen in person) and say that if your daughter is harassed, or even spoken to by these kids, you will now involve the school board office and the police. Period. Mentioning the school board, the cops or attorneys scares the hell out of principals.
You can't sit back and let a few words from the counselor be the end of this -- clearly that was totally useless because the calls and texts continue.
By the way, I hope you do keep all these past texts and records of who called and texted her when, because those things are evidence you can use against these jerks. If your child is on Facebook or any other social media, KEEP every bullying post etc. as evidence. but don't sit back and let the school counselor be the end of this because clearly it's already not working!
Get busy. Today, not tomorrow.
+1
Excellent advice from both PP's. OP, don't stop at the counselor. We had to take our bullying issues to the principal at my DD's school last year. And when the parents found out what their children were doing, they were horrified. I know some parents think their children walk on water, but I think most of us are genuinely trying to raise good kids. I know this because at a school event one evening, I had THREE of the FOUR PARENTS come up to me, apologize for their children's behavior, and two gave me their cell numbers and said, "please call me if your daughter tells you anything else about my child picking on her." The other parent said, "please know that we don't condone her behavior and she is disciplined when we hear what she's done."
I think making sure the parents know, along with the school, is VERY important. Please make sure the school is contacting the parents, and give the school a copy of your DD's phone records so they can prove it to the parents.
I'm so sorry she is dealing with this. I've never heard of anything so cruel, but these bully's obviously heard of what other children have done as a result of bullying and are making a mockery of it.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 12:05
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
I graduated in 1994 and I absolutely remember people saying it. I don't think kids are any meaner or less moral today, they just have different weapons.
Anonymous
09/09/2013 11:51
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
I remember people saying it.
OP I hope you're all getting the help and support needed. This is such crap!
OP I hope you're all getting the help and support needed. This is such crap!
Anonymous
09/09/2013 11:31
Subject: "Go kill yourself"
Anonymous wrote:Op said she was handling it. All she wanted to know if this talk was new because she didn't remember it in high school. I graduated 12 years ago and can remember a couple of kids who.said things like that. They were troubled kids from difficult backgrounds
She said she was handling it but only mentioned that the counselor talked with these boys. No way to know if that is all that's been done to handle it. If not, great, but if so, she does need some prompting to do a lot more. Not that she's ignoring this at all, but it's just that some of us here are concerned that if "handling it" means just a talk from the counselor - that is not working, obviously. Maybe OP is doing everything that various posts here have suggested but we don't know and her daughter's situation sounds like it needs some immediate and pretty drastic action taken.