Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 pounds over the summer?? That's an eating disorder.

Or she went on the pill, doesn't exercise and eats crappy food.

Plus she's at the age where she recently finished her growth spurt so she is used to being able to eat more

Is this a serious long term girlfriend that he thinks he is in love with or is this a girl he happened to like and asked out and they talk and hang out now and then?

This seems as if it is an issue for the mom that her son is dating an overweight girl. Why she is overweight is none of your business or your son's. Make that clear to him. Do not spend time speculating about why she is overweight or expecting her to change. She is who she is. Your son can decide what he wants to do. She is unlikely to lose the weight. He cannot and should not ask her to. They are 15. They are not married. Back off on the weight issue and let your son decide what he wants.

Did he not see her at all this summer? I guess I just don't understand why it's a problem now that school started up again unless he's really sensitive to peer pressure.

I have become less attracted to boyfriends when their appearances changed. But not hugely so. And my emotions for them were still strong because of personality and time together. In other words, I liked them more as a person than for any particular outward appearance.

If looks are such a big issue to him, then maybe he doesn't really care for her that much? I mean, does he seem stupid-in-love with her? Or is it just some casual kind of thing?

And following the crowd in anything is a bad idea. He needs to learn to be true to himself. Maybe that means staying with her. Maybe that means breaking up.

I'd discuss those types of character issues with him. His character development matters most here, IMO. Let him make the final choice though, with all the consequences that go along with that. Good and bad.

A young lady co-worker gained lots of weigh when she took steroid for her acne problem but she was able to loss the lbs after few years.

Btw it's not that hard to gain 20lbs over 3 months if you're overeating. Not at all.

Well he shouldn't keep dating her indefinitely just to spare her feelings or be a nice guy. The heart wants what it wants and we can't help what we're attracted to. I'd tell him to stick up for her to his friends - this is just a normal nice human reaction. I'd also tell him to maybe give her a month or two to see if she's making any changes. If she's not or she gains more weight then discuss with him the best way to break up with her if he wants to do that. FWIW most overweight kids and teenagers end up being overweight adults so if she doesn't make changes now it can be a LONG time before she loses the weight.

First of all, there are all kinds of health reasons why she could have gained weight. For example, when I went on SSRIs for anxiety/depression I gained about 20 lbs. Or she could have thyroid problems. I would assume pregnancy or unhealthy eating problems off the bat.

OP, first of all, you sound like a great mom who has raised a wonderful son. It's great that you both are so caring and can talk to one another about these things.

I was thinking that maybe she starting taking an AD or something similar. It wouldn't be suprising that she would want to keep that information private.

I gained weight when I went OFF the pill, not on it. If they are sexually active, you'd better hope she is still taking it.

Anonymous wrote:20 lbs in three months sounds like a health issue, whether she is aware of it or not. Thyroid? PCOS?

Agree. Barring pregnancy, something is off.

For that age and no specific reason, that is a tremendous gain for such a short time.

He can be diplomatic. When she asks, he can respond that it would be impossible not to notice she's gained weight and that he's worried that it could be a signal of something wrong. That gives her an opening to discuss or a chance to weasel out. If she is noncommittal he can approach from the angle that she's shutting him out. That shows he wants her to be open with him as a friend yet opens the door to a reasonably graceful exit if that's where ultimately it ends up.

Anonymous wrote:Life lesson drop her

Figuratively because you may injure yourself picking her up

Life lesson drop her

20 lbs in three months sounds like a health issue, whether she is aware of it or not. Thyroid? PCOS?